Sathos' Page

[Sathos]

I just noticed this section and thought 'why not?'

Today I went to school and studied all day, as we have finals coming up. I tied for the winning place in a Physics study game (why we are still doing those in grade 11, I have no idea), so I won a Mars Bar ^_^ It's kind of odd, because physics is my worst subject. I started at 64% and fought it up to 82%. It's still disappointing compared to my usual 90%'s , but better than it was :)

Tonight I have Ninjutsu - the best part of the day :D

[Sathos]

Today one of my teachers told me that she always thinks I'm older than I am, and that I'm mature. Makes me laugh ^_^ I'm just too quiet to say anything stupid (me = really, really shy), and not dumb enough to slack off in school.

The dog won't stop barking and bugging the cats, but if I pick him up he complains ^_^

Ninjutsu tonight again :D

[Sathos]

Well, today we went out for a drive. There was absolutely nothing to see, but I had a really good sausage roll for lunch :p It was a pretty boring day at first, but then I played a video game with my little brother (13 yrs.), which was fun. I got my pally on World of Warcraft to lvl. 21 later in the day, as well. If anyone plays on Kel'Thuzad, my character is named Sathos, and I'm looking for people to add to my friend list and quest with ^_^

[Sathos]

My life is so damn boring. Every day follows the same general idea, it's so boring. On the bright side, coming here always brightens my day. I've never had this much fun on any forums, and I seem to be getting along pretty well with pretty much everyone. I'm always in the chat room now, every time I'm logged on, and I love it! Wotism is like a splotch of color in my day ^_^

[Sathos]

Whooo! It's Wednesday! That means I get double English, which I don't mind because it's much better than double Chemistry Tuesdays.

Oooh, LOTR Extended Edition Box Set just came in the mail, and I was so busy sitting in the chat and looking sideways to stare at it, I forgot to start watching it! Meh, I'll do it later on.

[Sathos]

Blaaaah, I'm tired today. I had two tests, and they were boring. Yaaaaay...

Heyyy, I'm not being hyper in this post? Should I try, or am I too tired... hmmm...

BOB DOLE! <----- My attempt to say something fun.

[Sathos]

Well, today I watched Fellowship of the Ring extended edition :D I also managed to pull myself off the computer for an extended period of time 0_0

Ummm... I'm in a pretty good mood I guess. Not incredibly hyper at the moment, but I feel like I'm doing something productive. What, I have no idea. I need to make an appointment with the guidance counsellor at my school to discuss career choices and University applications, but she's so damn hard to find >_< *Shivers* I'm still a little nervous with University just around the corner. I only have one more year of High School!

[Sathos]

Well, I just realized that I haven't yet said anything about my personality in this thread. Meh, now is as good a time as any. Let's see... I have a bit of a thirst for knowledge, especially historical knowledge, just because it really, really interests me to learn about humanity's past and long gone civilizations. However, it doesn't really bother me that I don't know everything; half the fun is constantly learning new things. Umm, what else... I've noticed I'm a little uncomfortable dealing with people when I'm not on the internet, so I'm working hard to improve that. I love to browse used book stores or libraries - the smell of old books and the peaceful silence just makes me so happy. Now I'm talking weird, heh. I'll stop now ^_^

[Sathos]

Well, today I FINALLY got an appointment with the guidance counsellor, tomorrow at the end of the day. I'm writing down some questions so I don't forget them when I get there. I need to know the stability and general pay of some of the businesses involving computers, the best university for me, how many more credits I need to graduate, what courses I still have to complete, etc. Excitement is starting to take over nervousness, though I have to admit I'm still kind of freaked out. Ah well, tonight I will go to Ninjutsu and forget about it for a while, and tomorrow the planning will begin :D

[Sathos]

Wow, I've been accomplishing stuff in school! Lately it's felt like my marks are slipping, but I think I can bring them up now. I have 70% in social, pathetically, but we are allowed retests and I am going to retest until I have no hand left to retest with. Then I will learn to write with the left hand and keep retesting. At least I have 93% in English, 96% in ComTech, and a mark hovering in around 80% in chemistry, one I can easily bring up. *Is relieved that she is not doomed yet*

[Sathos]

Well, today I got to sit silently as my little brother yelled insults at me. He is 13 and knew full well what they meant. Apparently I'm a smelly b****, among other things, and I'm childish because I decided to ignore him while he yelled at me, rather than yell back and beat him with a stick. I was shaking for a long time after in anger and maybe a tiny bit of pain, but as the oldest, I am not going to sink to his level. Besides that, I may not be the best person, but I do know his comments were not true. I came into chat a while ago and it helped a lot to just talk to people. How I love this forum ^_^

[Sathos]

I get to write an essay this morning, so I'm memorizing a quote to use on it. "The inherent vice of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries" -Winston Churchill. I want to walk in there and say 'yo, essay, I'm gonna beat you into the ground, rawr!' Those won't be my exact words, and will probably be closer to the english language, but close enough :p

[Sathos]

Happy Easter everyone!! :1party:

I think I'm getting a cold - head is sore, fairly tired, raw throat - nothing too bad, but slightly annoying. Ah well, nothing to do but wait for it to go away. Hmm... what else to say? I'm really not in chat 24/7, it just seems like I am! :type: Had to clear that up, lol :D

[Sathos]

I feel antisocial today, I don't want to feel antisocial, I love people! My friend wants me to go to a youthgroup today with her, maybe I will. And talking in chat is awesome, really helps! :D

[Sathos]

Okay, I'm truly and seriously worried about every person I know. If you're reading this and I know you, I'm probably worried about you. Seriously, beyond a little bit of thought about school, it seems lately that half the time I am worrying about some person or another. I want to help them all. How? Life is a hard game, and I know I can play it and get past all of my obstacles, but what about the obstacles of my friends?

[Sathos]

Okies, I haven't updated this in a loooong time, so now's as good as any. Lessee... school is going along as usual, still trying to bring my social mark up but it's under control.

Each day I become even more relieved that I found wotism. I may be relying on the internet too much, but lately I've felt the need to talk to people, and it's my only option. On friday, for example, I woke up afraid of something and stayed that way almost all day. I have no idea what I was afraid of or why, but I was pretty upset, again for unknown reasons. After I finally found someone to talk to though, later in the evening, I felt much better, and the random fear just faded away. So... yay to friends, internet or not! :D

[Sathos]

Arghh, this is annoying me. I get up, go to school, go about my daily routine and feel fine. Then I get home and I'm fine for a while. All of a sudden, I get flooded by this sad, lonely feeling. It takes longer to push away than ever before, and though I do manage to push it away eventually, it just comes back. I feel unwanted at these times too, which makes no sense at all, I have plenty of friends that I am very happy to have! It's so weird, and I don't know what to do about it but keep acting like nothing is different. Grr.

[Sathos]

I'm in a good mood today, and hopefully it will stay! *runs about rhyming* whee!

[Sathos]

Wow I'm such a weirdo. Lately there have been times when I've just been annoyed with myself, and it's getting more common. I'm too talkative, or not talkative enough. I feel like I'm being annoying while I'm talking to people I love talking to, like my talking to them is getting in the way. I tell myself I'm being rediculous, but now even forcibly controlling my emotions doesn't work. So stupid :grumbles:

[Sathos]

My dad barely criticized my driving :D

Still getting the odd feelings of being annoying or unwanted, but so far they're a little easier to ignore. Yay!

[Sathos]

Hmm ok, bored so posting. Let's see here...

Wrote my mock diploma essay today (real one is next week on wednesday). The question was "to what extent should the government protect individuals from economic exploitation?" Used the Non-example, Non-example, Example approach to writing it. Fairly easy, I hope I did well.

What else? Took an internet IQ test. Got 133, but it wasn't timed or anything, so largely inaccurate. *Tries to guess actual IQ* umm... 30? lol

[Sathos]

Almost finished with this school year! I have to write my chemistry and english finals, and my social studies 30 diploma part A (essay), and part B (multiple choice). Then, tis onto grade 12 (though social studies 30 is a grade 12 course, I'm taking it early).

After grade 12, I'm planning to go to university, though I would like to go on a vacation on my own in the summer after grade 12. If I can afford it, it seems like it would be a great chance to venture farther into the U.S. :D

[Sathos]

It's raining outside again. The water in the gully behind our house is apparently getting high. *hopes it doesn't reach basement* If it does, sailing time!! :D

Other than that, have finals to study for, and school to go to. Not much has changed. It seems like I'm walking around like a zombie. *Eats someone* see? :2eyes:

[Sathos]

Sometimes, I really don't like who I am. I've never been great with people, but on the internet it's always been easier to talk to people, and I've made some really really awesome friends here, friends that I love to death. But lately, I've been finding myself unable to think of anything to say to even my closest friends. I end up sitting there in complete silence, staring at a chat room or an IM window, trying desperately to think of something to say, some way to start a conversation. The more I sit there, the more annoyed with myself I get, but I don't want to leave the computer and find something else to do either because I know it will be even more lonely, so I continue to stare at the screen for hours. As this goes on, my mood just worsens. Sometimes a conversation is somehow started and that always cheers me up immediately, but still, I have to stop thinking like this.

Sorry about all the complaining, I'm trying to cut down on that too.

[Sathos]

Went to the school and studied today! STUDY POWER!! AHHH!!! I'm going to eat this diploma! Or fail it, but can't say I didn't study! :D

[Sathos]

Hmm well today I took stock of my life, and now I feel really lucky. I go to a nice school in a nice town. I have a wonderful family, and awesomely great friends. The way it looks right now, I have a chance at a really good future. Can't think of anything else to say, but yeah, I'm in a pretty good mood :D

[Sathos]

Okay, some good things, some neutral things! Good - I think I'm gaining a little more confidence in myself. Instead of thinking about all my bad traits, I'm starting to notice that I may have a few good traits, and I'm working on my bad traits instead of thinking about them.

Neutral (kind of) - for quite a long time, there has been a guy that I think I may like at least a little bit (though I've told no one). However, I'm oblivious, so if somebody liked me I wouldn't realize if it walked into me, hehe. So yeah... I guess I'll keep sitting on my ass doing nothing about it :2eyes:

[Sathos]

Things I love to think about:
-The first week of August, I'll be travelling to Missoula (Montana) and area with my family. Missoula is a beautiful city, and I'm going to enjoy spending time with my family there.
-University. I know it will be hard, but I'm ready to embrace the freedom and work hard.
-My friends. I don't have many, but they are the lights of my life.
-Life in general. Even though myself and others get sad and depressed at times, as long as we still live, there is hope for the future.

Thinking about these things brightens my day :)

[Sathos]

Ugh. ugh ugh ugh. I can never think of anything to say! There are a few people (and one in particular) that I really enjoy talking to, but whenever I have the chance to talk to people, I can't think of anything to say. This results in a long awkward silence, until myself or whoever I'm talking to decides to leave. Yes, I'll admit that part of it may be because of the difficulties of talking online - words are the only way to communicate, as you can't see a person's facial expression. However... I know that it's me. For some people, it's easy to hold up a conversation, and I envy them that. For me, I not only can't hold up a conversation, but I often tend to kill any conversation I might be involved in :( This scares me. I'm afraid I'll lose people important to me because of this stupid flaw in my character that I should be able to overcome. I want to take this chance to sincerely apologize, from the bottom of my heart, if I've ever had a conversation with you and been unable to keep talking. I'm sorry.

(also, I should probably apologize for the dramatics. lol)

[Sathos]

These past couple of days, I've been in a pretty good mood. I don't know why, but I think it may be because chat has been making a comeback. Just being able to go in there and joke around and be stupid again feels indescribably wonderful. I didn't realize how much I had missed that. Anyways, whether that's the reason or not, I feel pretty good. Instead of feeling helpless like I have quite often lately, I feel strong again, like I can handle what the world throws at me. I don't know how long this feeling will last, but I'm enjoying it while it does.

[Sathos]

The cat keeps making messes of a stinky nature around the house. If she doesn't stop, my parents are going to put her down, and I can't stop it. Nobody seems to care much. I can't cry, because I haven't since 7th grade and it's expected of me now (especially expected by myself).

[Sathos]

I'm in a fairly good mood today. Looks like a nice day out, maybe later on I'll go for a walk or something :D

[Sathos]

I'm in a great mood today :D Started out the day by figuring out why the internet wouldn't work on the PC, and fixing it. After that, I went to the city with my family. We went to a used CD store, but unfortunately it didn't have anything I was looking for. However, I did find an old LotR cartoon (fellowship of the rings + two towers one). I think it was made in 1978 or something, can't remember. I do remember watching it in 8th grade (as we read FotR that year in school), and it wasn't too bad, so I'm gonna watch it pretty soon. After the city, I played World of Warcraft, and my brother helped me make my level 30 paladin suck less :D I can't believe how good this kid (14 years old) is at video games. I remember when he was 9-10 years old, and would spend a lot of time playing Diablo II, perfecting his characters and defeating countless people in duels. He had everyone convinced he was 17, which I found hilariously funny :p

[Sathos]

I've been playing World of Warcraft more often, trying to get my paladin to level 40 (currently I'm level 31). If anyone plays on Kel'thuzad, come join me :D Yesterday I spent most of the evening watching my brother in an instance that requires a raid group (Molten Core I think it was), so I ended up coming to wotism at 11:00 pm.

[Sathos]

Life is good. That's what I've been realizing lately. Yes, there is pain and suffering in the world. Yes, I get a little lonely at times, and face obstacles. Everyone does. But there's so many wonderful things in life that, in my opinion, make up for it. This is a beautiful world. I feel very lucky right now - at 17 I have my life ahead of me; mistakes to make, successes to enjoy, people to meet, things to see. I'm lucky enough to have a good family, and attend a wonderful school (my average marks went from 70s in elementary school and junior high to high 80s/low 90s in this school). I have awesome cousins that I love hanging out with. While I may not have even met the majority of my friends, I feel that I am blessed by their presence regardless. Of course there are bad things going on, and I'm certainly not always happy, but reflecting on my current life, how can I complain?

[Sathos]

In an alright mood. On sunday I have to take my driver's test, not looking forwards to that. Recently I've noticed that I'm back to being completely happy one day and feeling very down and unwillingly isolated the next day, then happy the next, etc (happened to me quite often in the past too, but for about a month until recently I was for the most part happy). Not sure what the heck's up with that :confused: :2eyes: Oh well I can live with it.

[Sathos]

It's so darn cold in this room. I'm sitting right by the window and it's really rainy outside *shivers* Some of the windows are leaking too, but the house is not even 3 years old yet! :eek5: Tomorrow is my driver's test so I'm really scared too. Still, I'm in a pretty good mood. Listening to some good music and checking a couple of forums. A friend of mine has a birthday soon so I'm getting her a book and burning one of my cd's for her (a band she really likes).

[Sathos]

I am in a REALLY good mood right now. The future looks bright, I feel far from isolated, and everything is just generally good :D

[Sathos]

Trying so hard to get a grasp on what the heck is happening to me. All of late elementary school, junior high school, and grade 10, as well as the first semester of grade 11, I protected myself from (emotional) harm, relied on myself, and just generally managed almost everthing about my life internally and externally by myself. It's always been common for me to have two friends at the most, and often no friends at all, so I had learned to not let that bother me and I was getting exceptionally good at fighting lonliness. Then I found wotism, and all was well at first. I made some friends, and the sheer joy of having good friends, whether I had actually met them or not, was overwhelming. This was the greatest feeling I had ever experienced; not mild happiness, but pure joy. But now, my emotions are WAY out of whack. Cruel words, often even meant jokingly, seem to strike me really hard, and even small kind words from people important to me cause me to almost burst from happiness for about a day. I get lonely much more easily. I know that it's a good thing to rely on others sometimes, but this is probably a little too much. Here I am, relying on people I've never met for support they probably can't give. I can't even go and see some of them or even call any of them on the phone because my parents are so protective. It seems pathetic. :(

[Sathos]

Now what am I afraid of? I don't know... whatever. Life's too short to worry about everything I suppose, though there's no way I'll ever worry about nothing :p

Right now my physics mark is 99%! Grade 11 physics to me was easily the worst, most confusing, frustrating almost to the point of tears class I've ever had. I started at 64% in that course and had to work incredibly hard to leave it with 84% (I was very proud of that, though it could have been much higher). Now, in grade 12 physics, 99%? :confused: Guess I can't complain though :D

I think I'm actually starting to enjoy driving the car. All week my dad's been on a business trip, so I've been free to drive the car to school and around town on my own. It's a small taste of freedom, and I love it! I desperately want to be allowed to manage my own time, to be free to make my own decisions, and now I only have to wait one more year!

Just dropped off an application to blockbusters video, and I'll be applying at a few other places if I can't get that job, so hopefully I'll be able to start working soon. I'll be putting some the money I make in the bank for university, and the rest I'll be saving for a future purpose. I'll be using the library for reading material instead of buying books from now on.

[Sathos]

In a great mood :D

Just recieved some good news, it's beautiful outside, and tomorrow my family is going to go to my aunt's house, where there will be gathered my aunts, uncles, cousins, granparents, etc on my mom's side of the family :D

[Sathos]

I have officially decided to always enter chat as Bob Dole, at first anyways. Why? Because I feel like it :p Mouldy old jokes and the like. So yes. If anyone enters chat and notices the presence of Bob, do not fear! It's only me. Unless that scares you more. Then you can run.

I'm having so much fun in physics class! The last time I had a good competition was when I took grade 11 social studies in grade 10, trying to keep my grades above all of the 11th graders in the class. But now, I'm tied at 98% with this guy in my physics class! I won't really care too much if he ends up beating me, it's not really important, but if I could beat him it would be sooo cool :D

Still experiencing random 'attacks' of lonliness and general depression, but I like to think it's not happening as frequently, and I am starting to feel a little closer to normal. Perhaps it's the physics class. For some stupid reason, ever since grade 10, I've had to do decently well in school or I would feel really down and helpless, like everything was slipping out of my grasp. Competing to keep a mark above 90% feels really good, and it feels even better to know I can do it - I have the confidence, I am capable of this. Feeling incapable is a horrible feeling, though I suppose not the worst.

Think I'll play some Halo tonight with my little brother. He's sick with strep throat, so could probably use a bit of fun, and I really need to get away from the computer and do something fun too.

Am I done writing yet? Nopes! Feels good to write all this down. Though I don't really have much else to write about for today... Oks. I'm done writing for now.

[Sathos]

Wow. I actually cried a little last night. First time since very early in 7th grade. Thankfully, two of the cats were there with me, so I wasn't completely alone. lol. I so don't feel like going to school right now, but I really have to, so I'm off. Laters.

[Sathos]

I suppose I should clarify that last post. I have a friend with serious problems who needs me to be constantly happy, so I have to act like I am. My family's never been a very emotional family, and if I showed signs of depression, I would literally be talking to a therapist right now, so I have to act the same way at home. Stress is really high right now, but I have to keep my grades high if I want to go to university and get scholarships. I can't bring myself to talk to people. I truly and honestly trust like 2 people, but I'm constantly afraid they'll leave. I am afraid to cry for fear of somebody finding out. I've always taken comfort in being able to support others, but I doubt my capability to do even that now. Blah Blah Blah, problems and problems and some more.

[Sathos]

I'm in a fairly good mood right now. Lately I've felt like my marks have been slipping badly, but upon assessing the situation today, I'm not dead yet. I have 82% or something in chemistry (was dreading low 70%s), 84% in biology (somehow managed a 92% on a big unit test yesterday which seems to have saved my mark), and about 98% in physics. 100% in physics help, but that class only requires that you show up and listen lol.

... why am I always talking about school anyways? I guess I have nothing better to talk about, and right now the commitment to schoolwork and knowledge that what I'm doing now will affect my future is part of what keeps me going. So yeah. Guess that's why.

Anyways, I'm not screwed when it comes to grades (though I'm probably getting close to being in trouble if I don't start working harder) so I'm semi-content ish now.

[Sathos]

I have to get working. I'm in grade 12 and acting like I'm still in grade 10 and can easily do well in school. I don't have a job yet either. But I'm realizing that I HAVE to study more, I need to get a job as soon as humanly possible, and I need to start applying for universities almost immediately. I have to get more of a handle on my life. Everything's happening fast now - I'll be 18 in less than a year! I'll be graduating in even less time that that! Before a year has passed, I will probably be in university. I need to stop the planning that I've been doing since 10th grade and start acting, Now. I will become an independant, dependable, working human being, even if it kills me.

Nothing stopping me from having some fun along the way though :D

[Sathos]

Sometimes I just feel like drilling out my brain, eyes, ears, heart, and anything else that might affect emotions, crawling under a bridge somewhere, laying down, and refusing to move for a few weeks. I know I won't. I realize I have to survive one day at a time. But I so want to.

I can't figure out what's bothering me. I have a really good life, and I should realize that and move on happily, but for some reason I can't. Some days getting up in the morning to face a new day feels like a test of courage. Instead of being depressed only when I have reason to be depressed, I'm now happy only when I have reason to be happy. Being down is becoming the norm for me! I'm still at the point where people are able to cheer me up, but I can not rely only on others.

*Sighs* I find it slightly disgusting that I'm complaining. But I swear all this is going to catch up to me one day, and I'll snap. So right now my goal is to not snap.

I can at least be thankful that there are a few people I really love and care about and want to help, but I'm afraid I won't be able to help them enough. They always seem to be feeling down, or worrying about something, or getting too little sleep, or getting sick, etc. I badly want to make their lives wonderful, but there's so little I can actually do.

[Sathos]

Well, I've decided it's not the end of the world or anything, hehe. I'll pull through, hopefully holding onto my sanity and my friends/family. I want to focus on supporting those close to me, whatever I have to do to accomplish that. *Sends love to those people*

[Sathos]

I feel like such an idiot right now. I think I've done something wrong, I'm sure of it. *Kicks self in the face*

[Sathos]

Yes!! Stuff is actually happening! Work is getting done! I got off my lazy behind today and drove myself down to Safeway to turn in another job application (*crosses fingers* hopefully this time I'll get a job), tidied my room and am now in the process of sorting it, got my college information together so I can go see the school guidance counsellor tomorrow to see about applying for the college I've decided on (http://www.mtroyal.ab.ca/) and a few other universities/colleges/technical schools in case I can't get in to that one. I still need to start studying more and get around to doing my service hours, but at least work is moving along instead of staying at a halt!

[Sathos]

I sent an IM prank to myself just now from ebaum's world, and found it to be hilarious. Here it is:

New conversation started at 11/14/05 10:27:55 PM.
wlumplump22 (10:27:54 PM): heya erin
sathos1 (10:28:02 PM): hey
wlumplump22 (10:28:10 PM): hows it goin?
sathos1 (10:28:17 PM): pretty good, you?
wlumplump22 (10:28:27 PM): im just sitting here being bored
sathos1 (10:28:32 PM): lol
wlumplump22 (10:28:42 PM): :-D
sathos1 (10:28:53 PM): haha you are a computer!
wlumplump22 (10:29:03 PM): lol
sathos1 (10:29:11 PM): lol lol lol lol
wlumplump22 (10:29:22 PM): hahaha
sathos1 (10:29:26 PM): lol
wlumplump22 (10:29:36 PM): lol
sathos1 (10:29:40 PM): I like pie
wlumplump22 (10:29:56 PM): thats odd
sathos1 (10:30:06 PM): how so? pie is good
sathos1 (10:30:12 PM): stupid
wlumplump22 (10:30:15 PM): what do u think?
sathos1 (10:30:15 PM): :P
wlumplump22 (10:30:23 PM): the stupid phone keeps ringing and I don twanna answer it, haha
sathos1 (10:30:29 PM): so?
wlumplump22 (10:30:41 PM): don't "so" me, haha
sathos1 (10:30:49 PM): what if I wanna?
wlumplump22 (10:30:58 PM): do u think so?
sathos1 (10:31:12 PM): what kind of response is that? it's not even relevant
wlumplump22 (10:31:27 PM): i'll probably never know lol
sathos1 (10:31:44 PM): "smart computer" my a**
wlumplump22 (10:31:57 PM): do u have a sexy a**?
sathos1 (10:32:06 PM): I don't know, do I?
wlumplump22 (10:32:20 PM): that's too bad
sathos1 (10:32:26 PM): LOL
sathos1 (10:32:29 PM): idiot computer
wlumplump22 (10:32:38 PM): u think thats funny? lol
sathos1 (10:32:48 PM): yes, as a matter of fact I do :P
wlumplump22 (10:32:59 PM): my name is jeff
sathos1 (10:33:05 PM): good for you
wlumplump22 (10:33:07 PM): :-P
sathos1 (10:33:18 PM): *shakes head*
wlumplump22 (10:33:31 PM): u say some interesting things... lol
sathos1 (10:33:46 PM): but shaking my head isn't saying anything at all... lol
wlumplump22 (10:33:57 PM): hahaha
sathos1 (10:34:11 PM): that was totally a pregenerated response
wlumplump22 (10:34:23 PM): i though tso
sathos1 (10:34:33 PM): but you said it in the first place
wlumplump22 (10:34:47 PM): me? no
sathos1 (10:34:59 PM): yes *points up* you
wlumplump22 (10:35:09 PM): maybe ;-)
sathos1 (10:35:19 PM): *slaps forehead*
wlumplump22 (10:35:30 PM): whats your name again?
sathos1 (10:36:10 PM): fdhkfdkj
wlumplump22 (10:36:19 PM): really?
sathos1 (10:36:23 PM): yes
wlumplump22 (10:36:31 PM): cool
sathos1 (10:36:41 PM): *laughs a** off*
wlumplump22 (10:36:54 PM): i love a good a**
wlumplump22 (10:38:01 PM): u doin ok over there?
sathos1 (10:38:08 PM): yes
wlumplump22 (10:38:08 PM): You have been talking to a computer! One of your friends is reading the whole conversation and laughing it up right now! GET EVEN! Have the bot prank all your friends by visiting imprank.ebaumsworld(dot)com
Conversation ended at 11/14/05 10:38:15 PM.

[Sathos]

Yay, school ends early tomorrow and is out completely on friday (parent teacher interviews)! Gonna... umm... study :p More likely laze around hehe. And on friday I have a job test, and then if I pass it a lot of training, so I can be a cashier at safeway. The person who interviewed me claimed I'll need to be outgoing (something I'm definitely NOT.), but I think if I can pass the test I'll be able to handle it. Big 'if' there, though. Umm let's see... marks still hovering where they should be (chem 82, bio 85, physics 97, physics help 100, and overall average 90%). What else... gotta apply for college in december. Yay! Scary and exciting.

[Sathos]

Bleh. I think I get weaker by night or something. I have just a slight headache, but I think it came from stress today, and now that it's late it's causing the stress to come back, and I can't seem to find the strength to resist it, so I'm almost in tears. What's wrong with me? That's a stupid reason to be close to tears! I feel stupid. I was talking to someone on IM and went silent for a while because I had to turn away because for some stupid reason I didn't want to look at the monitor in this state, which is also stupid because nobody can see me from the computer. *Shakes head at self* I really wish it was physically possible to kick myself in the face.

[Sathos]

Typical dumb teenager rant here. I am annoyed at my parents, or more at my helplessness in proving to them that I do not need to be kept under constant surveilance, that they don't need to plan out MY schedule. This annoyance has been spawned tonight by my dad's attempt to limit me to one hour on the computer every day, because my brother has become obsessed with the computer, and I have been lumped into the same restriction he has, and because they feel they don't get enough time on the computer (this is true, but limiting us to an hour is not the best way to solve it). I did manage to convince my mom, who is a bit more reasonable, of a better solution thankfully. That's not the problem. The problem is, when my dad first announced his plans to limit us to one hour a day (except when it is being used for school work), I asked if this would be the same when I am in university and legally adult but still living in this house. His reply was "I said, I wouldn't limit your time if it's for school work, why don't you listen to me?!" I did listen to him. My worry wasn't about not being able to do my work; I heard him perfectly clearly and knew I would be able to do schoolwork on the computer without limits. What worries me is that when I am 18, in university, an adult capable of managing my own time, he will still be attempting to plan my schedule, make my decisions, and give me unreasonable curfews to 'help me keep my priorities straight'. I know my priorites. I finish everything that needs to be done. I seek out the answers to my questions. I go around applying for jobs. I study on my own time, and get my homework done without being told to. I get out of the house on weekends. etc, etc. I know, I am not yet an adult. However, if I'm not allowed to make my own decisions and manage my own time, how will I ever become one?

[Sathos]

*Scratches head* I just posted on a depression forum to find out if what I'm experiencing really is depression/what I can do about it. What brought me to do that? Man, can't believe I did that *shakes head*

Actually in an ok mood right now. Mood goes up, mood goes down, uppy down and up again :D

[Sathos]

testing testing

[Sathos]

Saw a movie today, yay! Kinda neat

[Sathos]

*Looks up* Hmmsy, that was a strange post. Oh well :p

I'm now applying for college/university! Already turned in an application to Mt. Royal college, and currently filling out applications for SAIT and University of Lethbridge as 'plan B and plan C', Mt. Royal being 'plan A' :D And um. Let's see... still searching for a job, as the Safeway thing didn't work out, no way I could have handled that job. School continues as normal, not a lot else has changed, blah blah blah. And that's my updatey!

[Sathos]

Just came back from walmart! Went shopping with my mom to find presents for my (almost) 3 year old cousin Jasmine - we got her one of those stuffed dogs with velcro or zipper or whatever it happens to be bellies with puppies inside, and a 'my little pony' toy. So cuteee :D And found a present for my friend Keri, some new cd. Also, saw the cutest little mini stockings for like 94 cents each, planning on running out to walmart on my own one day and picking 3 up, to put the little presents I bought my mom, dad, and little brother in. Maybe I'll throw some candy in there for them too. It'll be great!

Edit: Oh yeah! Forgot some stuff! Gonna make nuts and bolts, and also make fruit and nut cheese balls for appetizers on christmas eve! I hope they turn out alright! I can't cook! :D Bought a santa hat at walmart toooo, I'm so totally gonna wear it when we go to both grandparents' houses on christmas day :D

[Sathos]

Got out to walmart today, by claiming I was going to the school to get some work done, and taking a detour to the local walmart :p Picked up the mini stockings, put my family's little presents in them, and put some Werther's Caramels in there as well. Also bought my parents a candle set, as they've been looking for candles. Now everything's all wrapped up and stuff, yay :D

[Sathos]

Been feeling a lot better lately. That's two weeks now that I've been, on average, fairly happy. I'll still get depressed at times, as I think everyone does, but I think I'm starting to actually climb out of this hole. Feels wonderful!

[Sathos]

Still in generally high spirits! My mood isn't up and down, it's mostly normal, leaning towards up. *dances* :D

[Sathos]

Well, I'm not depressed right now. But what I am is terribly, mind-numbingly afraid. Besides support from a few special people here on the internet, I'm going towards the future mostly alone. I'll be leaving my comfortable life at high school, where I usually know what's going to happen, behind. I'll be stepping out into the world and I'm deathly afraid of failing. I don't know what to do next, I don't want to do anything, I want to hide within the past, but at the same time I do want to move on and head into the future. This year, 2006, is so eventful. I'll be graduating from high school. Then there's a possibility of going to meet someone in the summer, but I'm worried that won't work out and that it will be my fault, because of lack of funds (not sure if I'll be able to make enough by then), or because my parents disapprove and somehow manage to get in the way even though I'll be 18. After summer, I'll be heading to college if I'm accepted, and that scares the hell out of me too. I don't know where to turn, I've never been this afraid before.

[Sathos]

Hmm, I get the feeling that people are getting tired of talking to me. Could be my imagination, but it seems like I'm running back and forth trying to talk to people who don't seem to want to talk very much...

Anyways, back in school now. 3 in-class finals, 3 diploma exams, and 1 unit test (possibly more unit tests I've not heard of yet) coming up. ack.

[Sathos]

Just wasting a minute before I have to head to school. Argh, took my binders down from the bookshelf and they slipped and hit umm chest area. Ow pain. Oh well pain fading now. And now almost time to go to school. Wait for it... 8:20! ok, off to school!

[Sathos]

All right! I am getting ready! Studying Bio right now (doing questions from old diploma exams), and all is going sooo well! Most of the questions are being answered right, feeling confident. I'll do the best I can in chemistry, and hopefully do really well in physics and biology. Also - iPods are wonderful! Listening to quiet(ish - LotR soundtrack) music on it right now while studying. Totally comfortable :D

[Sathos]

I'm bored, so here's a post to waste time before school! One more chem final today, and the first half of a physics final as well. Then the other part tomorrow, then it's just the 3 (6, depending on how you view it) diplomas on friday, monday, and tuesday! I think I'm somewhat ready and stuff, so yay.

Using one blanket for a while, and then finding a thicker, warmer blanket to use instead is awesome. I'm seriously worried I won't be able to leave the warm of this blanket before school starts :p

[Sathos]

Well, just my diploma exams left now! And today was the last day of classes (diplomas take place after classes are over, for the most part). So going to the school tomorrow at 11:00 A.M. for a 1.5 hour physics review, and then all free to study and do whatever the heck I like for the rest of the day. And by next wednesday, I'll be done my diplomas and have a few days off till february :D

Totally staying up late tonight, because I can sleep in a bit tomorrow!

[Sathos]

Okay... just finished part A of my chem diploma, part B is at 1:00. Think it went well. Kind of nervous for second part, but okay :D

[Sathos]

Ok, I've been SUPER bored tonight and started thinking about stuff, so excuse any weirdness in this post.

Isn't this world amazing? And in particular, humans are pretty amazing. We can use our minds to form ideas, and use our hands and tools to build things, and understand how certain things work (can you imagine something other than a human understanding how a computer works, for example). Reach out and touch something. A human probably made it. Think of the way animals live, or even the way humans used to live a looooooong time ago. Isn't it amazing?

Also, look at something reaaaallly closely and focus only on that object like it's the only thing in the world. Notice things about it - little patterns, materials it's made of, etc - that you normally wouldn't notice. It's unbelievable how ordinary objects can be so interesting! And I am so happy to be here and able to see it!

... Umm, I'm done now, I'll shut up :blush: Sorry to anyone who just wasted their time reading that; as I said, I was bored :p

[Sathos]

Blah. Yeah, BLAH.

Bunch (one of our cats, a tortoise shell) was laying beside me last night as I went to bed. She stood up at started walking around. She then promptly squatted and pissed on my bed, right beside me. If I hadn't gotten up to turn the light on to see what she was doing, she would have pissed ON me. So now my bedding smells like cat piss, and if anyone has experienced the smell of that, it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get out, so whoohoo, we have to spend a bunch of money to replace my bedding. Wonderful. Also, this isn't the first time she's made a mess where she shouldn't; we've had to replace a pile of clothing that was waiting to be put into the dresser, as well as clean the carpet numerous times. So, guess what, we're not going to have 3 cats anymore, but 2. My parents firmly believe that a dirty cat must be put down. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone buying a cat, it is DON'T ever buy a tortoise shell. They go senile when they get older. It's not fun.

Also, I keep having a nightmare where we have a screen on our front door, or rather two screens, a big rectangle at the top and a smaller one at the bottom. And said smaller one is always open when it's pitch black outside in the dreams. And my mom is in the bathroom right near the door and says something about there being something moving out there, but I don't see anything so I go closer to check, and someone grabs my arm, and I try to call for help but I can't for a long time, until I finally can and whoever's outside runs away. As tonight I was sleeping on the couch due to the earlier mentioned cat, and there was HUGE window in front of me (bigger than my window), and a doorway into a dark room behind me, I was a little freaked when I woke up. Somewhat annoyed at that for some reason. Then again, somewhat annoyed at everything today :mad:

[Sathos]

Some things I'm worried about, those who are allowed to know probably already know what they are.

Anyways, gonna get some service hours done for my graduation requirement today, so I will be gone most of the day until about 9:30 mountain time, first at school then helping with a silent auction, yay.

[Sathos]

Hmm, feeling a bit lonely today. Maybe somebody will come online later tonight... maybe not. Oh well.

Got some stuff done though. Studied a bit of calculus, made plans for studying more, and made up a mini-budget... so that's a good thing.

Umm, I don't know what else to write now. lol

[Sathos]

Hmmm. My head hurts, don't want to write this paragraph (homework). Lots of stuff happening too, but can't explain.

[Sathos]

Oh lord, the atmosphere here feels crushing. Sitting in this same corner all the time, staring at this forum and listening to the sound of the furnace. There's only one thing that keeps me from taking a very long break from the internet. Which I'm grateful for, but I suppose I should try to find a life beyond the internet too. Eventually...

[Sathos]

So, I really have no idea wtf is going on right now... weird. Blah. Whatever...

Why did I write this...?

[Sathos]

I want to fling my arms around like a crazy person and scream and run in circles and then just lay down and refuse to do anything for a while... which can't be normal. I realize fully the stupidity of what I just said, too. So... I don't know!! ARGH.

[Sathos]

Feeling pretty lucky right now... nothing in particular happened, the feeling just jumped on me. hehe

Umm let's see.. well, tomorrow I'm off to San Francisco for a while with my family. There's some people I'm gonna miss a lot but all in all it should be a fun trip!

In other news, I still don't really feel like I've graduated lol. I mean, I know I did... I just don't feel any older or anything I suppose. Doesn't matter, though!

*hi5's life*

[Sathos]

Back from San Francisco now, got here late last night. Really glad to be able to talk to UVW more often again, and happy to be home as well... though I loved San Francisco so much.. *wants to go to bigger cites now* lol.

I'm feeling a little lost though.. maybe because I'm not used to being back, which is strange because I know this place like the back of my hand. Just feeling a little small now that I'm back in my town with too many open spaces maybe lol. I'm sure I'll get used to it again, just right now I feel like I can't breathe for some reason (I am breathing, just don't feel like I'm able to or something).