Jonathan's Journal thingi

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, it's about time I had a reflections thing here...
Hopefully, I'll keep up with this and post every other day or so. I'll admit I'm not very good at keeping journals, and I think my life would be better if I worked on it.
Let's see...Yeah, that's some of my stuttering there, as I say that a lot in person. Lot's of stuttering words, even stuttering Noises, make up my expressions. I'm kinda shy most of the time, and I don't really talk that much unless there's something that really interests me or I'm trying to hold a decent conversation.
Ok, well, before delving into my past, secrets (well, maybe not secrets...people do read this and...are you reading? Are you even awake? Ok, then!) I suppose I should focus mainly on the present. Perhaps starting off by trying to look at my life.
Alright, I'm Jonathan Scott, I'm not too squeemish about telling you my name, plus I just might be famous someday, so you can take advantage of that if you want to! Well, maybe not famous...~shudders at today's celebrities~
I'm a voice performance major at Florida State, in Tallahassee, FL. Yes, this means I sing! No, I don't like pop singing, so I'm not gonna do that. I'm more the classical/ opera (whenever I learn some)/ and maybe some jazz (whenever I pick that up...should be fun!) type of singer. I'm a tenor, so that means I squeel way up there in the stratosphere every now and then. I wish I had a better top range, but I'll get that, not to worry. It's not like my range is anything spectacular, though...hopefully my talent is enough to make it to the stages some day. At least I'll be trained with iron clad technique and my voice will be trained and used to the best of my ability and that of my teachers, so I couldn't ask for more. Why singing, you ask? Why music?
Well, to start off I'd say that music has always been a huge part of my life, from those horriblly written school plays and musicals (such as my debut performance as a third grader in "Daniel and the Lion's Den". Ahh, the memories...and the times when I sung as a boy soprano) that my parents would make me be in, to now, where it's my freakin major in college!!! Am I sane or is something wrong with me? Well, I don't really know the answer to that, but oh well. I've always had a voice in my childhood, and in children's choir till eighth grade, and then as a chorus guy in high school, when my voice changed. and here I am now learning how to be the next pavarotti of america...or something...Hopefully my voice is unique enough that no one will categorize me with those big leagues.
And the second reason is basically: I have been given a talent, and I feel oblidged, no, honored, to be able to have this talent and use it to the best of my ability to impact other people's lives. And make a living, but that's besides the point, that's cause I enjoy it and I'm really good at it, so why not, neh? But yeah, God has given me a talent in my voice, and if I'm too afraid to use it, What's the point? From the "parable of the talents" (although this had to do more iwth money, but loosely it could apply to all talents and abilities that God gives) I have this example. God has given it, I am God's, so therefore I should make the spark of the talent grow, and nurture it, taking care of it and using it to the best of my ability and strength. And my voice, as well as my life, could serve as an opportunity for the Lord God to use me to minister, help, witness to other people. I wish to pursue this career because I think that God has shown me that this is what he wants me to do with my life. This is my calling to serve and glorify the living God. And yeah, its fun.
So those are my reasons as to why I'm singing and traning my voice to get a career.
Let's see, it's getting late here, so I must end for now, but I'll be back.
Laters!

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, next writing thing...
I've gotta keep this short cause it's like 1:15 in the morning right now, and I'm getting really tired. But yeah, got a colloquium thingi done today (only 3 more essays to write for that! Yay!) and went to a pretty good voice recital where all te songs were by anonymous poets. I could barely stand a couple of the singer's voices, cause it was either off key or they just had a really weird sounding tone. But oh well, not all the sopranos and mezzos have to be good; the voice program isn't that selective. I liked the baritone's pieces, though: they were hilarious!
Oh yeah, and at least I can say I despise Josh Groban here and not get killed by his fans!
I would agree that he's really good, and his voice is pretty damn beautiful. But I shall surpass him and at the moment I consider him a distant role model. And he records his stuff with recorded music, not live instruments! how cheap is that? And he is very arrogent about his talent, so maybe that's why I don't like him...oh well...
I'll admit I'll never be as popular as he is, cause I don't look that good, and I'm not a baritone; a tenor. But I wish to someday be better at what I'm doing than he is right now. And this is arrogent, I'll admit. But this is a tenor thing. Pride, arrogence: it's kinda the male version of a diva except a little mre subtle and hpefully less annoying. Oh well, more on this later. Actually, I'm extrememely humble with my skill and am not the best in this large pond of a college. But I will be, oh yes! I WILL be!
~cackles like Yoda and leaves~

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, nother journal thingie for today.
Let's see, I've got to se five more recitals to get my 15 recital credit thing complete. And I've gotta write three more colloquium essays. Grr...
And I'm going to another concert tonight, and like three tomorrow, so I'll only have to see like one more after those! Yay!

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, it's about time I posted in this thingie again!
Let's see...what to talk about...
Yay! I'm going home for Thanksgiving! Can't wait! I miss my folks!
Yeah, te truth is that they moved to Georgia simultaneously to my move from Tampa, so I haven't even seen their place yet! And that is because I don't have a car. Damn me, I hate that! I totalled it during the summer. Grr...I don't really want to talk about that right now.
Let's see, now at FSU: there's the FSU vs. UF game but I was too lazy to get tickets to te game. I just really don't care about the football games that much. And I'm too lazy to go through the whole process. First you have to get a frekin coupon; then you have to sign up on the whole online thing for your place for a ticket, and so on. IT just doesn't attract me to wanting to bother to get a ticket in the first place. Oh well...I am looking forward to seeing some of the soccer games, though! That's like my favorite sport (well, favorite sport that has huge internatinaly league, etc.) and the women's soccer team at fsu is really really good. Let's see, I've seen two concerts today, and I only have one more, at 8:00, and then I'l only have to see one more concert for recital credit. Whoohoo! Yeah, like I said earlier, all music majors have to see and get credit for 15 recitals each semester. And this is really good, it shows me where I'm at as far as performances and motivates me to work on my instrument (voice). Grrness, I hate piano, but I have to get proficient at it, or I'm not gonna go anywhere in music. I'm also dreading theory two next semester! I didn't take theory one (I got credit for it in AP theory exam) this semester, and so I'm really rusty right now! And I've gotta complete the stinking colloquium essays...Yeah, my hall is one of the nicest on campus, and it's only music and education majors, so it's really cool. There are a few practice rooms in the hall, and there's these colloquiums that you have to go to (have to get credit for 6 of them) to complete the requirement for being in the hall. clear as mud, right? Good.
Ok, I'm gonna go to RFOC (Real Food on Campus: their exuse for a cafeteria...well, it's ok, but food there gets old pretty quickly...meal plans...) and grab dinner. and then another concert at 8:00, maybe some other thing to do, like watch what's left of the game, and then that's all for today. Not much happening. And tomorrow I've got church, maybe a concert, and a colloquium thingie. Well, off to eat! My stomach is torturing me!

[Mazrim_Taim]

The days drag on. Let's see, still gota finish the final draft of my story thing for English. Still gotta write that piece for my piano project, grrness, I'm guessing that will really suck. And I've gotta do some serious practicing with my voice. And some other stuff that I'm forgetting right now...life as a music major.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, I'm in Calhoun, Geordia now, having a great Thanksgiving holiday. The new house is really nice, and things are going well for me.
Let's see, I've still got a lot of work to do to get ready for finishing this semester, but I really need a break of some sorts.
Ok, I'm missing my Tampa friends...I haven't talked to any of them in a while, hmm, well, I'll start by answering a few e-mails and trying to get back in touch. That would be nice. I hope Loryn's ok, man! I haven't talked to her since the summer! She doesn't have a comp to e-mail and when I tried reaching her cell phone, she just wasn't there. I guess I should keep trying, though...
Let's see, my friends. I don't have a lot of them, but the ones I do have I'm extrememely loyal to. That's what I try to be as a friend: loyal. I've also noticed that a lot of my friends are so different from each other, and from me. I think this is a good thing, as it makes me aware of lots of different sides to things, but a few of my friends still at Blake have gotten into some serious conflict with each other, so I'm a little worried about that. This year of change for me, for my friends, lots of stuff happening, and most of it seems pretty bad. Well, I feel pretty hopeless in that I can't go to them, but I can pray for them, as God works miracles if it is His Will, so that is my sincere hope, that God would touch their lives. To heal them again. To keep them from destroying themselves. And to lead them on to new lives, new futures with The One True God. Well, I've gotta have faith, hope, and especially love.
I'll probably write again when I get back, as I'll be pretty busy this weekend. Unless I have another chance at writing stuff here.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Wow! I haven't posted in here a while!
~coughs from the dust~
Ok, let's see...
I didn't really do too much today, just wake up late, attempt to help out a little. I've watched Inu Yasha (subbed, the dubbed version just sucks) up to hte 60th episode, and that's a lot better than I thought it was gonna be. The whole relationship between Inu Yasha and Kagome, for some reason it seems so beautiful to me. And I've been watching a little bit of slayers, I think I'm up to the 7th episode of the third season...Oh, you're wondering where I got this anime from?
Well, my anime friend at fsu gave me a notebook full of this stuff over the break. There's gotta be a good couple of weeks worth of anime there! She must trust me enough to actually hand over that much stuff, but I would be dead before I had to tell her I lost it or something, so no worries there. That goil... Cool person, although very laid back, very "guyish". You know, doesn't wear make-up very often, has a low rough voice, likes kendo (I've actually given her a few lessons, although I still have to get her to not be afraid to hit me hard enough...oh well, maybe that's a good thing. wouln't want to be on her bad side any time soon.) I guess she'd be kinda like Min in some ways...
Not like I know I have feelings for her or anything, probably not, we're just friends right now, but hey, she's there.
Ok, let's see, what else?
meh, can't think of much else. I guess I'll go to sleep in about an hour of talking to Kiri Sedai.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Yay! Today was my birthday! And I got a judo gi and rotk extended, along with other cool stuff. like money. and gift cards. I gotta love those!
Well, not much else to say. I had a great day, and I'm gonna watch some of that Rotk pretty soon.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Well, the break's finally closing to an end. I'm leaving back to school in two days (well, techniacally one day as this is the next day in the morning). Oh, and I got Battle for Middle Earth. That's an awesome game, although I've been playing it way too much. I've gotta cut back on it before school gets crazy, as it definitely will. And I'm looking forward to seeing my school buddies again, and making preparations to Megacon and Jacon (these are anime conventions in Orlando). And on getting my voice back into shape (again, grr!), as I haven't really practiced that much over the break. I also have to get some pieces out of the Messiah, so I'll probably have to get that from the library and copy it. More grrness.
Ok, good thoughts...
I have a new cell phone, and...what? no, you can't have the number! who knows who reads this stuff...well, most people would not read it, but you never know...(note: Jon is a littly messed up in the head. it's an asha'man thing)
Ok, and I have to pack like a packhorse tomorrow, as well as try to crawl out of bed in time for church (a feat which at the moment looks nigh impossible) nigh...heh heh. haven't used that one in a while. Ok, well, with that said (which amounts to about nothing actually said) I shall sign off. So stop reading this, or I'll send a shipment of lobsters your way.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Yeah, I'm back in school. My life is stressful, cause I make it that way and I suck. My voice teacher chewed me out for not knowing what the Italian means for one of my pieces. Still getting over a cold. Still fooling around with things that I can't waste time on. And music theory homework. Speaking of the devil...
Yeah. it's 10 after midnight, I'm tired, and I know if I don't finish the theory homework I'm not going to finish it at all for the umpteenth time. So I'll have to suffer. whoohoo. I'm just a nerd who thought he had a voice and is too lazy to make somethign of it. But this is not the end. the end of the world. It's just another day. And hope rises on the sunrise of the fresh dawn, taking away all the cares and worries that constrict me. Gotta fly free, and against the wind.
PM me if you find anything humorous about anything. I need a good laugh...

[Mazrim_Taim]

Wow! Today was actually...busy but good! I didn't fail anything (as far as I know) I'm understanding my classes. Oh wait, did I skip History of Asia today? Ok, I'll take that back. But other than that class, I'm doing better. I sang two excerpts from Handel's Messiah today (well, technically, this is the day after, umm...this was on Wednesday, Jan 26) and I actually got congratulated by my teacher, even though I didn't think I did that great (well, I guess it's because I actually worked on the stuff some and knew it, and I think he could tell that I had a positive room for improvement). But yeah, that makes me want to work a lot harder on this stuff, as it puts me in a good mood (even though I have to work on it and that's not so much fun, but...).
And it's late...gotta get to sleep. Mazzy out.

[Mazrim_Taim]

This is what the apostle Paul said in his first letter to the Corinthians in the early church time (well, it's in the New Testament of the bible, anyway). So, this is what he says about (what God says about) love. You don't have to take it to heart or anything, but, here it is anyway:

If I speak in the languages of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and it always perserveres. Love never fails. (1st Cor. 13: v1-8)
Just felt like sharing that...

[Mazrim_Taim]

I think I could sum up everything in this moment in 3 words: out of order.
I'm hungry. I have no food here, except for cereal, which might do, but I'm tired of ceral. All the campus food stores are closed as of this moment. The snack machine won't take my card, but it will take change. I have nothing but 20's. My friends are either watching the superbowl, which I don't care about. Some of my friends are watching both kill bill movies, which I want to see right now, and they will have ordered food or something, cause it started at 5. They didn't let me know. They didn't even stop by my room to see if I'm there. I've barely left my room. And they're in a dorm which I can't remember the number of their room. I also can't find any of their numbers, well, I only knew one of their numbers to begin with, but there's no way to reach them. And my room phone probably wouldn't even work. I could try ordering chinese, though. that might work. But yeah, my life is out of order, and I hate it. And I'm really hungry. Damn Sunday nights.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Well, today isn't that bad. I missed my quiz time, but it wasn't mandatory cause it was a retest. I got an 80 the last time, so I'm guessing I'm doing ok. As long as I pass the class I'll be fine (college algebra). So that leaves musictech, which I have some project that's due in a couple of days, and my voice lesson, and men's glee and sightsinging. And then I'll be able to take a break and eat lunch and take a nap and whatnot. And do my practica musica homework. (eartraining on computer, only the program is really anal) And work on other stuff...oh great...
Well, I take off days whenever I'm able to, so today my break was from taking a test. Oh yeah, and I guess I should share some lyrics.

"Fumbling her confidence and wondering why the world has passed her by.
Hoping that she's bent for more than arguements and failed attempts to fly.
We were meant to live for so much more! Have we lost ourselves? Somewhere we live inside.
Dreaming about providence and whether mice and men have second tries.
Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open,
Maybe we're bent and broken.
We were meant to live for so much more! Have we lost ourselves? Somewhere we live inside.
We want more than this world's got to offer.
We want more than the wars of our fathers.
And everything inside screams for second life.
We were meant to live."
-Switchfoot

[Mazrim_Taim]

Well, life flies by at the speed of a bullet train. I've got several classes that are important tomorrow, including a quiz (algebra), a voice lesson (urg! not ready!), another quiz (singing, yay...), and I have to sing a little more in chorus. whoopee. And then I have to work on a lot of stuff in the afternoon. I have to catch up big time in Music theory, I need to find more time to practice, and I need to just practice a bunch for my little performance tomorrow (Wednesday) in voice seminar, which will be the first time the voice people hear me...I'm so freakin nervous. Oh well, nothing to do but step up and give it my all. And having a lesson the day before helps too.
So I've got all this stuff going on with school, and also some stuff going on in my social life. (I have a social life? since when??)
I'm going to go to Megacon this Saturday in Orlando. I'm going to cosplay as Rufus from FFVII, if anyone is intersested. Should be fun. And last minute, so an adventure in the extreme. Second, I've got a few things figured out for my spring break, but nothing certain yet. I have a definite ride and a couple options as for places to stay, so that's good there. And lately, I've gotten really interested in this one girl. But I have no idea how she feels and we haven't even met yet. But yeah, I'm frustrated both by the distance (both physical and one could say social) between us and the matter of my feelings to her. I know that I like her, I'm attracted to her, but is this just a surface attraction? Or is there something deeper going on that I don't even know about? And how does she feel? I have no idea! So this is a bit overwhelming, and adding to my life as it is. Whew! Well, life is definitely worth living. I'll just have to settle for losing some sleep over this stuff. I need to get into coffee or something, cause I'm not living very alive without some sort of caffeine. Oi. My head hurts from all the stuff going on simultaneously!
"When you're lying awake with a dismal headache and repose is tabood by anxiety, I conceive you may use any language you choose to indulge in without impropriety."
Damn. Truer shit was never sung. Oh yeah, and that's the first line of the piece I'm doing tomorrow. (the piece is a bunch of rhyming words and it's really fast and creates so much spittle that it's hard to find a place to swallow in the piece.)
Well, write in this thing later. I need to go to sleep! It calls! And I don't care if there's nightmares! I'll take bad sleep over no sleep!

[Mazrim_Taim]

Yay! page two!
Alright..it's about time I wrote in this baby again.
I'm still struggling in music theory some, and I still have those missing assignments hanging on my head, but thankfully, a weekend draws close in which I can do that and see a bunch of recitals. Yeah...I need to see like 5 recitals a week (if possible) to get my recital credits over with. And I need to go to the Colloquiums next week. I haven't been to one in a while either...(colloquium is a class that is dorm related)
On a more positive note, I got a 9 outta 10 on a History of Asia paper (which I BSed, well, twas BS to me, I guess the history teacher liked it, and only marked off cause of some missing stuff). so glad I have a high B in that class now.
And also, last Wed, I took an aikido test for 6th kyu, or level. It's the lowest level in the ranking system (people who start at a lower age start from like ninth kyu and move up to one), but it's number based, and not really belt based. There's a white belt and a black belt in aikido. not much room around either one. But yeah! I passed the test! And I barely made any mistakes! Whoohoo! (is proud)
Let's see, what else..
I recently also watched that New Spring manga thing that's coming out. And now I'm reading New Spring, which is turning out to be pretty interesting. Although I totally think RJ shoulda done a prologue thing with that in a scene with Rand actually being born and the aiel there, as well as Rand's foster dad takin him in. And I'm looking forward to when Moirane finally meets Lan...it's gonna be a while I'm thinking. But, nice to revisit Siuan and Moirane's characters when they were younger.
Ok, let's see...I missed a Jars of Clay concert that was on my campus. I probably shoulda gone to that, but...had homework to do, not to mention I'm addicted to this site and want to be on it in the evening hours. Cause that's when most of the states people are on.
Oh yeah, and I met the wotist known as Magatsu. He's really cool, and he has been going to aikido recently with me. And he also has expressed interest in learning how to sword fight...(rubs hands) At last! I have a practicing dummy, er...I mean partner.
(is being funny, does not in reality enjoy hurting other people. in any way. seriously. violence is not cool!) But...sparring helps me learn stuff faster. (well, if you get hit somewhere by a wooden sword, you're not gonna want to get hit there again!)
Alright, and there's that special wotist that I like that hasn't been on for a few days. Makes me kinda worried, but I'm pretty sure she's just really busy. She is a mighty softball player after all. And she's separated from me by so many boundaries...it's discouraging sometimes to like someone and not be able to meet them. But we shall meet. eventually. I can wait a couple of years, that I can. I'm not going anywhere. Plus I'm busy enough myself as it is, and need to become more responsible for myself (i.e. get a job, get on the road to financial independence, get a car (hopefully), learn how to fix some things in car (well, goes with owning one I suppose), don't dare wreck car (that's what happened to the last one), etc. And also continue in classes, and drill drill drill my voice so it is a mighty folded steel blade of sound by the time I finish college.) Yeah...I love connecting music and martial arts. It is so easy and so rewarding. I love doing both (I think I love singing more, cause I've always loved singing, and it's been consistant, and it's what I'm gifted with, and cause it doesn't involve pain or violence(usually)) and both help my body's health (singing burns a lot of calories, actually, if you're singing for a long time or whatever.) and my mind's health (keeps me from going nuts=must be a good thing).
Well, it is getting late, so I need to shave, put nasty stinging acne medication on, and get a few hours of sleep before my big day tomorrow. And I have a voice lesson tomorrow, and I have Das Wandern almost nowhere near ready to sing. ugh. stupid german words. so hard to pronounce sometimes...
Anyway, Peace (the peace that is really hard to understand) peoples!

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, I'm leaving this afternoon for JACon! (Japanese anime convention) So excited! I'm cosplaying as Black Belt from FF, Miroku from Inu Yasha, and Rufus from FF7. Will be good stuff. Also, I hope to get the rest of the Cowboy Bebop series in my grasp. (has only the first 10 episodes) So I'll be gone from Wotism for that. In the meantime, I need to study for the music theory test that's coming up in less than an hour (winces). Probably should study for it some more than I did. But oh well. Gotta get it over with. Then I have to pay my stand-in accompanist and thank her for helping me the past couple of weeks (my actual accompanist went out of town for two weeks, but will be back next week soon). And then it's off to JACON!! WHOOHOO!
Party time! I'll be back on Monday. And I'll tell you all about it (I'd better, huh, or you'd kill me!)
Oh yes, and must say this: My warder (whom you know as WhiteMage) is soooooo beautiful! :blush: (kisses for her!!!) :love:

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, I have finished my last final! Huzzah!
On a sadder note, I haven't done so well this semester. At least I don't think I have. I could get lucky though...Anyway, I have to do some laundry, and pack Big Bertha (my computer) away. And just pack in genereal. Yeah...
so I'll be busy with that and I'll leave for Georgia tomorrow.
(stumbles off to do a last load of laundry)

[Mazrim_Taim]

Wow it has been a while since I talked in this...
But yeah, Whitemage left a while ago, so that sucked.
Umm..got my grades for both spring and summer session semesters, and they were decent.
I'm really looking forward to getting back to school, cause life in Calhoun sucks. Well, I have a temp job, but it really sucks, it's not that well paying, and the working conditions are somewhat poor. But it is A job, and if no where else is hiring, then I guess I'll stick with what many people refuse to do. And I'll get the money I need to get to Kiri's wedding and a little for college, as well as get an endurance workout.
But let's see, on today: I have done practically nothing for the 4th but laze around on the computer. Yeah, my life isn't that exciting. Also, I wish there was someone here for me to wrap an arm around or something, but that won't happen in this dung heap of a town. (well it's not horrible, it;s just it's small and not much to do). There was a job at Blockbusters that I really wanted, but apparently they either aren't hiring or didn't choose me.
But yeah, overall, I'm just really bored this summer. Monotony at work, monotony at home, and very few friends except over the internet. But I suppose I should call some people to get me out of this mood. Yeah, one of my weaknesses is that I'm easily moody and all.
Let's see...can't think of anything else at the moment, but I'm going to work tomorrow (if it has work, I'm not all that sure, but can't think of a reason why they wouldn't have work, so here goes nothin), and if that doesn't work, I'll turn in an application and make a couple calls to see if there are any other openings.
Alright that's all I can think of talking about for the moment, and I'll try to keep this updated since I now have the time.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok again I apologize (to those who actually read this and care) for not being consistant with writing this. Alright tis time to vent a little...something of me I suppose.
Let's see, as an update, last summer I switched to working at Gap, and that was fairly easy (though more mentally chalenging) but they never gave me a lot of hours which is unfortunate. And I continued to laze around for the summer as I'm doing now. But I intend to at least make up for my mistakes today, which were not getting up in time to shower (and see, if I don't feel semi-clean, have my contacts in (I haven't been able to wear my contacts because my eye was scratched so I downgraded to glasses), and eat a decent breakfast (cereal and orange juice is a staple), then I'm not gonna do as wel in classes. Oh yeah and having a decent 7-9 hours of sleep helps too. I've had like 5 the last few days, which is not good for me. I have friends who can function easily with 5 or 6, but that simply isn't me normally.
Anyways I forgot about studying for the Japanese quiz today (we had a quiz the day AFTER a chapter test! arg! we never stop learning in taht class. Which is what makes it a good class, but it is a lot of work), as well as didn't have the energy last night or this morning to do my music theory homework. So I'm gonna cleam myself up a little, maybe take a nap if I'm really tired, and get some homework and makeup work done so I don't die this weekend.
Also, I'm considering going to Lousiana to help with the Red Cross for the hurricaine Katrina victims, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to class wise. If I work my ass off the next few days maybe, but...it is this weekend and not too far away so I think I'm gonna opt not to go unless someone convinces me tonight.
My room's a mess, I have to do some laundry and take out the trash and wash some dishes, but that shouldn't take too long. I'll do that soon, and then tackle some assignments and practice.
Recently I've been obsessing over finding out stuff about swords and other weapons through this Renaissance Martial Arts group. It's cool stuff, but I need to refocus my priorities, as doing that as a career is impossible at the moment (as I've had little experience), and I can always keep it a hobby. I just need to make sure my hobby/ obsession/more like mental illness doesn't take over my brain.
I went to a sports club budget meeting last night where they dished out 70,000 to separate clubs which needed them. We (me and the president of aikido) came in a little late and things looked grim as we're the last to present our group with our request. But thankfully, people were extremely frugal especially toward the end (because the money was going away quickly) and so we were given our small request without much question. So that was lucky of our club, but I will make sure I do better (if I'm president or whatever) in the future by coming on time.
And speaking of clubs, I learned a few things from fencing this year, but I really don't want to learn fencing as a combat sport, because I'm all about the martial aspects of historical combat. And sport fencing is so far removed from that it makes me sick. I mean I'm learning some basics, but only in a solely linear (forward and back etc), restricted (if you pull your blade back you lose the "attack" and crap like that) way. I want to learn REAL fencing (the study of close weapons, especially the sword), not fencing "toy weapon playing" which modern sport has degraded to because of "winning", "scoring points" etc. Ok I apologize if I offend sport fencers, cause I must admit it can be very fun game (especially if I actually pay attention to what they're saying and win a few bouts). It's just not what I'm passionate about.
Oh yeah, (looks above) see that's what I mean about obsession, I rant about it and whatnot.
I really need to focus on music. Especially voice and music theory, cause I need to get really good at both of those to stay a music major by spring. And if that does not work, I'll probably switch to history for the sake of the weapons...well it's an alternative at least, but not my primary talent as far as I know. For music has been with me since I was little, whereas this martial arts stuff is fairly recent. Ok that topic has been fleshed out for your understanding I think...moving on.
This morning I was feeling really crappy. I suppose the guilt of not doing what I'm supposed to do weighed down on me so heavily that I just got really moody and depressed. And of course I'm not very good at hiding my negative traits (I'm no actor, at least not yet), so my friends immediately noticed. I guess I'll have to apologize to them for being crabby. And I haven't done anything for my friends in a while, I keep feeling like I leach off of them somehow...God I hope not.
And speaking of God, I haven't prayed consistantly for a while or read my bible...maybe if I got more in touch with God I'd be at least more at peace whether I screw up at stuff or not. And recently I've just been going through doubts about whether what I believe is what I really follow, cause I see myself doing things that I simply wouldn't do normally...I've been swearing a lot more, etc. I mean I haven't done any "big" stuff from my point of view, but it's more like what I Haven't done that gets to me.
I'm also having doubts about my major, but I haven't really given all my heart to it yet, or at least given a good 90% effort into it. So yeah today and from now on I need to set aside more time to practice singing and whatnot.
(sorry if this is going in circles and is really long, but I needed to get a lot of stuff out and this is My blog so blah!)
And now we get to one of my most sensitive insecurities: girls.
(insert laughter here)
Yeah...something I've noticed is that generally I'll meet two fairly different girls, and end up liking both of them. Maybe with more time it'll be more clear which one I like more, but at the moment I'm confused. And the night when I brought them both to aikido...I feared they would like tear me to pieces or something...
I mean I'm still friends with them, but when I become good friends with someone I get pretty close. Anyways, one of them I'm more physically close to, and I've talked to more. And she's a lot more "comfortable" to talk to. She's into the aikido at least, and she lives in my dorm so I talk to her more anyways. But the other girl simply intrigues me, seems a "higher" goal or whatever. But I suppose all I can do for now is to try to be good friends to both of them and see what happens. I'll also try looking for any like hints whether either of them likes me or not. Yeah me and my overanalytical self (insert another laugh here).
Sometiimes I just get depressed because I fear that I don't have anything to offer to a girl. I don't know how to sweet talk very well unless every word of it can be true. I don't know how to be that "macho" or even "sensitive". Let's face it, I'm often moody, and fickle in interests, so sometimes I'll simply like one girl over another, then switch, then find some other girl to "scout out". Also, I'm so freakin cautious about this that I'm afraid they'll dismiss me for not taking the initiative or not making a move at all. Anyways, hopefully this insecurity will dampen over time as I lose these defensive barriers I put around myself. And hopefully I'll do well the rest of the semester with more focus on getting things done rather than enjoing myself.
(sighs)
ok I'll try to keep this journal thingie updated more often, and I need to get some stuff done. Peace to ya.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Let's see...a clarification on yesterday's frustrated rant, which I felt a little better right after writing. So if you don't mind, if I have any vents about things or I'm just thinking about stuff, I'll write em here I suppose. Anyway, my concsience really irks me when I don't get the things I need to get done done (i.e. classwork, homework, studying, etc). I mean I enjoy fooling around, though the pleasure (hanging out with people, playing games, etc) only lasts a while, and then the guilt starts piling up after that when the time comes for me to turn in whatever I didn't do. I mean doing something late is better than never, but I haven't gotten a really good time in my schedule yet to really study, as the afternoons in which I'm free are a pain because I'm so tired from my morning classes. And at night I just want to enjoy myself instead of studying, and I get distracted really easily. Anyway, when I have a guilty concsience about something, and I know it's my fault because I didn't do whatever I needed to do, very small things happening to me I tend to get somewhat depressed. Or at least frustrated at myself. Lot of that. But I guess I can't get everything lying down and fooling around. I have to work for that success. Well, I want to do really well these next few weeks with stuff, so I'm gonna attempt to stop playing games at least, and limit my time on wotism and other forums to like a half hour to an hour a day. Also, I have to watch out for reading stuff and getting involved with all the stuff I'm learning about swordfighting. Yeah gotta watch that because I am learning cool stuff from it, but it's addictive and simply another distraction from my main goal, which is to do well in all my classes, and improve my voice conditioning. So tis time to practice, study, and get things done. If that means I have less fun, so be it, but at least I'll have less guilt over not doing that. Anyways, I'm not expecting to make perfect progress or anything, but I'm just gonna make a little more of an effort from now on...hope it works.
I'll vent some more if this doesn't work, hehe.
Anyway, I have to type out some notes on a chapter, so I have to call it a day on wotism early on. Peace.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Who am I? I don't think I'll ever know for sure...
Why can't I find peace. Why can't I simply be happy with who I am. I don't know...
I want to be accepted. I fear, no dread, those that I've already allowed access to who I am to reject me (Which is probably why I allow so few to see the real me, even though I'm not very good at putting up facades). Why do I yearn so much for someone to simply love me...I feel this empty hole growing more and more desparate each day. No sign of relief. A girl who I thought might like me, as we had a lot in common and she's a fun person and I like her, turns out she's taken. Damn me! Why do they always have to be "taken"? When will I know what love is? I don't even know because I've never had a chance! I've never taken the risk for fear of rejection. I've never been forward enough for fear of screwing up what I say and getting that laugh or that raised eyebrow that questions who I am so cruelly...
Who am I?
What is the me that everyone else sees...who in the world possibly sees the real me and likes me?
I'm full of shit...
I'm lazy, I'm perverted, I'm fickle, I'm cheap, I say all the wrong things at the worst moments, half the time I just come across as being confused by someone.
Any lies about trying to place blame elsewhere fail. Any attempt at "becoming better" ends up failing anyway.
And this current mood isn't even from any big event in my life, just a late night with my friends, where I start to notice things so strangely (I'm the most awake ever when I'm running off of adrenaline, one of the reasons I stay up late, I am addicted to the euphoria of awareness it creates). Everyone has such different perspectives than I do. This is probably good, as too many me's walking around would cause trouble, but...
I hate misconceptions. I hate..Who am I? What er where does this hate come from?
Who is everyone else? Why can't I find to like everyone else...or is that even...(sighs)
so confused about (my) life right now. I think I'm gonna go to sleep. Hopefully I'll feel better or more sure of things tomorrow. Thanks for putting up with some rambling. Peace.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Man I gotta stop fooling around in the afternoons and get my homework done then...cause I barely am concentrated enough to do it late at night (so failed to do it last night), and if I try to skip a class just to do some homework, that doesn't work either cause then I'm exhausted from the night before. So I suppose the only option is to do my stuff in te afternoon and get it over with so I can afford to have fun at night etc. Man I had a weird day today...just felt like I couldn't do anything. Oh well, a good session of chorus will leach that feeling out of me thankfully (one of the reasons I'm still sticking to music because it makes me feel better when I sing)
Oh yeah should probably post the lyrics to the german lied I'm singing now (excluding umlatts):
Die linded lufte sind erwacht, sie sauseln wehen tag und nacht, sie shaffen an allen ended.
O frischer duft, o neuer Klang! Nun armes herze sei nicht bang!
Nun muss sich alles wenden.

Die Welt wird shone mit jedem tag, man weis nicht, was noch werden mag, das bluhen will nicht ended, es will nicht ended;
es bluht das fernste tiefste tal: nun, armes herz, vergiss der Qual!
nun muss sich alles wenden.
(rough translation)
"the linden (tree) air is awakened (the aroma from the flowers of that tree), that rustles and rocks day and night, which permeates everywhere. O fresh smell, Oh new sound! Now, poor heart, be not troubled!
Now must everything change (for the better)
The world grows more beautiful with every day, one knows not what is going to happen next, the blooming will Not end; it blooms in the deepest most distant valley. Now poor heart, forget the pain!
Now must everything change.

Man, I love that piece! And yeah, I'll have to work at my studies a lot more, but from the winter of summer laziness (heehee paradox), will come the winds of change. And it can only get better.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Man I keep forgetting to write in here...
Anyways, AWA (anime weekend atlanta) was a blast a couple weekends ago, and I met some cool people/got to know some people more. Unfortunately, I still haven't heard back from the girl I met who's in that band...(sighs) must be a lost cause. Oh well she's bound to come across her e-mail and pm sometime. I just wish that was sooner, cause she was really cool.
Seems I never really hit it off when talking to girls. Oh well I'll find someone for me someday.
This weekend has been ok too. I had a University Singers (the chorus I'm in) Retreat which lasted till Saturday morning (yeah it was short and sweet), so that was pretty fun. And the rest of Saturday was basically spent chilling in my room, watching Braveheart and Samurai Champloo, which btw is a LOT like Cowboy Bebop. And I can't decide which track is better, the english or the Japanese...oh well. Doesn't really matter.
And today, I slept in again of course till the afternoon, since I stayed up talking to one of my Tampa friends. She seemed to not be doing any better, but at least she has some hope in the form of a boyfriend that she'll be soon moving too. I hope for the best for her, cause she's gone through a lot of shit in her life.
Well, I suppose I should be glad my roommate and I get along pretty well. I should be thankful that I have some friends, if not very many whom I talk to often. I have a few talents that I can continue to master, and though my weaknesses and flaws are many, I guess that's just part of being human. Also since I have an extremely humble opinion of myself, I suppose that can be a good thing for not hurting other people's feelings and not making too many enemies.
Well, this is some of the stuff that's going on in my life, and though I can't remember everything to record in this webjournal, I guess that's not the point. Just gotta share what I can. Anyways Peace.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Alright, my next report for the end of the weekend. This last week has been me majorly slacking off.
So I need to remedy that. Unfortunately, Wotism needs to be limited strictly until I can catch up with some classes and make A's on my midterms. And practice a hell of a lot more with voice..I've had too many voice lessons that reveal the intensity of my not practicing enough.
So, to all who are concerned, I'll still sign on AIM every now and then, but I'm going to try to limit my time a day to like thirty minutes tops.
Anyways, I'm not gonna leave wotism entirely, cause I wouldn't be able to stand the withdrawal symptoms of that, but I simply can't afford to be distracted so much with this forum stuff. So I will not go on wotism until all my work for the day is done. (hopes this works). And I'll need you people (sathos, maga, and Belle) perhaps to make sure I don't slack any more, cause I really can't afford to.
(struts in mock military fashion) Alright! I'm off to practice the chords and defeat some nasty music theory homework! Stay inside or you could be hurt! :whip: :dozey: peace wotists. :D

[Mazrim_Taim]

I am alive. I am finding my other half.
I think...or at least I'll find out sooner or later. whatev.
Ok, I'm going to attempt to work my ass off this week. I have to know what I'm capable of doing when I'm dong what I need to get done. And I need to show the world that I have potential. So time to stop slacking (yeah we are getting a theme here), get on the money, and start slaving away.
Slave away for music.
Slave away for school.
Slave away for passion, for God, and for friends and family
Slave away for love not yet realised, or captured.
Hope that it will all pay off in the end.
sure I'll be frustrated. But better something that is earned than something that was never really mine to begin with.
alright. Time to kick the world's ass.
one lousy day at a time :D

[Mazrim_Taim]

I'm kinda depressed. School is still killing me. I'm behind in just about everything (in particular Music Theory, Japanese, and voice lessons) I'm taking, I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my major, since voice performance does not sound like such a good idea anymore...though I have no idea what I'd be able to do otherwise...(sighs)
sry if I have to worry those of you who care, but yeah...life sucks at the moment, and there's all these things I need to get done. So...I think I'm gonna try to avoid wotism for the time being. I'll try to keept this updated, and maybe continue posting in a few threads, but that's really all I can afford right now.
Alright, well miserable though it will be, I must get this stuff done, and whining about it all day isn't going to do anything but waste time. I'll talk to a couple of you later in the afternoon perhaps once I finish a couple assignments and take a break.
-Mazzy out.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Whoo...
you know there's some times in life where you must say "I shoulda worn a helmet".
And this is one of those times. One of the guys even suggested that I wear a helmet beforehand, as if he knew what was about to happen.
At sparring night, a couple of girls came up and asked us to do a fight to demonstrate. Now already I'm fairly tired cause I've been goin at it for a while, but Andre is still good and wants to face two of us (us having shinai) with a quarterstaff (well just a wooden curtain rod so a little lighter but just as good). Anyway, he's facing the other guy, I go in for a back shot, ducking my head a bit. I connect solidly, but a split second later out of nowhere BAM, I get hit on the side of the head with the tip. I was mainly just shocked that I got hit in the head, it wasn't extremely painful, but this is where it gets interesting. I feel a warm wet sensation trickling down my head, and before I know it, my head is bleeding, fairly badly at first too. So here I am staring in wonder at blood streaming down my head onto the sidewalk while everybody freaks out (we get mixed responses: the girls are like "you need to go to the hospital!", and this one guy who goes up and is like: "whoah, is he bleeding?! That's fucking hardcore!" as well as stalwart Nick rushing to wrap an ace bandage around my head and sneak me back into his room so we don't get in trouble.). And it really didn't hurt that much, though it might sting and ache a bit in the morning, just the whole blood streaming down my face, shirt, etc was, shall we say, dramatic.
But I'm doing fine if anyone's worried, the bleeding stopped like 20-30 minutes after, and I went and ate "breakfast for a buck" around 12:30 am. Ahh, Friday nights, I love them!
Though now I have to wake up at freakin 9:30 to do some singing related thing (ugh!!! Why on Saturdays dear GOD!!!), and it's about 4 am my time..Wheeheehee...
Anyways, back to the moral of my story: when sparring, especially with weapon simulating blunt sticks, ALWAYS wear a helmet. Unless your girlfriend/boyfriend is nearby and you can get lots of pity TLC from having a "war wound".

[Mazrim_Taim]

let's see..an update on me life I guess?
Alright here goes...
I've been feeling kinda down ever since Maga got arrested (I was in the car when it happened, so yeah was freaky), as well as ever since one of my semester's high points: helping out at FreeCon at FSU. I got to help set up for this band that I love, and it felt really good to be able to help with that. And then afterword I had a great time having dinner with the band and all. Anyways there's a girl in the band I had a lot of fun with, maybe it's way too early to say I really like her or whatever, but I'd definitely make the effort to get to know her better if I could. Only problem is that I haven't heard from her since that weekend. I remember her saying that her computer doesn't work very well, so maybe that's why she never comes online or responded to my e-mail. And I, like the total idiot I am, forgot to ask for her cell phone # while at the Con. Anyways, I find myself just staring at the buddy list just hoping she'd sign on once...
Probably not very healthy behavior I know.
Umm...in addition to that, I'm pretty much in the same place I was last year with Music Theory, and that didn't go over too well at all (I got a D last year). So I'd better turn in everything I can in order to boost my classwork/homework grades up. And in addition, I have German to worry about Big time, which could potentially be my other bad grade, and piano if I don't practice enough for the final, though thankfully that's the only thing left of that I have to do. Another good thing I suppose is that I don't have University Singers anymore in the afternoons, so I have free afternoons from 1:30-5:00 this whole week. Last week I kinda misused that time for napping...since I so easily screw up my sleeping schedule by staying up late.
And yeah...life goes on, this is the last week of classes before finals, and from how it looks now, it's gonna be rough if I don't get my act together.
But I don't Want to get my act together...
sometimes I feel like I'm being taken over by a whiney 10-year old who wants to do nothing but play...a disquieting thought to say the least.
Oh yeah, and it's Resurrection Sunday...why don't I feel anything for that? I'm not sure...
I've been feeling more and more distant from any spiritual matters of late. Guess that's cause I can never 1. get a ride to a church or 2. wake up in time, or 3. read my bible. Even going to the campus ministry meetings are sparce and few between.
What am I doing with that? I don't know...
With these words of uncertainty I leave myself.

[Mazrim_Taim]

I feel so...inept. And I'm feeling very discouraged about it.
Yesterday I missed my piano final because I forgot to put the on button on my alarm clock (I DID set it! I remember doing that! arg!) and my teacher won't let me make the exam up, so I'm getting a D in piano. There goes my music scholership, and perhaps even my academic and bright futures too, because it'll be hard to keep my GPA above a 3.0 (it's already borderline). So I'm gonna have to work somewhere during school so I can make the difference of that up.
And this morning I distinctly remember setting my alarm AND turning it on. And I still didn't wake up on time! I don't even remember getting out of bed to turn the alarm off!!!!
What the fuck is wrong with the alarm? What the fuck is wrong with me?!
I could have done fine if I could just make up that final...and then my GPA would go up and then life would be tolerable.
I guess this is the ultimate coup de groin for me trying to do things at the last moment. Same thing happened last spring, only with me getting sick and not functioning for my exams. Well as long as that doesn't happen too...though it could always be worse.
Anyways, I'm feeling very down (in addition to my friend still being in jail and not having someone close I can hug every day) and very discouraged and very worried about my future in college. Just thought I should vent that.
Hopefully I'll be able to get out of this depression once this is over.
you %^&*$#@ video games! You draw me in with your stories and fun times, but leave me wanting more, and then I die when my time matters most!
you %$U#%$# computer! you give me all these distractions and all these friends and forums and fun times, but you distract me as well.
you @%$^$%^ bed! you make me toss and turn trying to get to sleep, and then you keep me from getting out by giving me dreams to distract me in the morning.
you ^%#$@#!...You (myself)! You're a lazy, unorganized, perverted bastard! You're an inept student and a bad Christian! You...you're just not good enough...
(please exuse last rant, just trying to vent this stuff out)

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, my mood is extremely improved from last time, as the piano final mishap was the only mishap. The rest of my finals, while a couple I should have liked to study more for them as I know I made some mistakes on them, went smoothly by comparison. And now it's time to pack up Big Bertha (my comp's name) and go on a bit of a leave of absense from online stuff. I'll try to come online from time to time, but I can't guarantee anything. So I'll be back into the swing of things by May 8 for sure. Take care all.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Wow!
Who knew the Rome Total War campaign could be so addictive?
currently almost master of Gaul (I've got Switzerland) and northern Italy (france in genral is giving me problems, as the Britains have all but taken over there in the north and there's still some Gauls left somewhere..), those two Italianish islands to the west (Corsica and Sardinia?), and some of Northwestern Greece.
recently routed a Britain army that was besieging one of my settlements, and they outnumbered me too! It felt good to see them run away, and then charge at them and cut as many down as I could before the battle was over. My only regret is that I couldn't kill More of the bastards! (I think there's still 200 left)
And...yeah my sleeping schedule is gonna be adjusted majorly through the next week. But I'm ok with that, and these are basically night staff hours anyway. So...if anyone is concerned...just ta let ya know I'm sleeping in till like 2-3 in the afternoon to make up for it :p
Now if I could only be Productive this next day and Not play Rome Total War too much...ah the challenges of life.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Whoo! what an Interesting night at work.
Ok first incident is some girls whining at each other, not too big a deal, though one group was probably drinking (and they're underage), and one of them even talked back to me, for just asking if she had drunk as well as asking for her ID. And the other girl seemed to be just an accidental victim to their loudness. Anyway then walking downstairs, I see two guys outside the door smoking. I open the door to tell them to smoke farther from the building, and I get a stinking whiff of pot. I accidentally remark this, and they take off. I was really tempted to give them a good chase (hey, what else am I gonna do? although technically I am not allowed to take them down or anything, regardless of the "security guard" role of a Night Staff), but hesitated, and lost them when they went around the corner of the building. So when the FSU pd officer showed up I had to embarassingly tell him I lost them (though I knew the general direction they went), and barely remembered what they looked like.
Ok, so Then this guy who is Really drunk (and this is not you, Maga, so relax) wants to get in the bulding, I unlock his door for him, his friends have his keys, I make them give him his keys to just get him to go to sleep, but then he comes out later looking for his phone and wallet. One of his friends basically Sat on him to keep him on the ground, and my supervisor called FSU pd "just in case". They show up, in a MAGNIFICANT flanking maneuver (the drunk guy and the people involved in keeping him down stay outside the building, there are two doors that are exits. Two of the police appear suddenly from Within the building, and then the last one appears from the other exit. I almost laughed because the maneuver was so well timed and even shocked me), are dissapointed that nothing too violent happen, and let everyone off (whew!).
And then ANOTHER drunk guy tries to get in the building, but couldn't give me his actual name or room number at first. He gave one name at first, then the girl dropping him off gave another name, and Then his real name was revealed when I led him to his room, not to mention he could barely say with certainty which Floor his room was on...talk about wasted.
Anyway so I had to do a bunch of stupid paperwork filing the incidents that was tedious, and I "barely" got off not having to write them again since my handwriting is terrible. And I also saw both drunk guys later Still Awake when I went on rounds next.
So anyway, it was an eventful night.
Also, had the last anime meeting for the summer before working at Night Staff last night (aww why does it have to end now?!) Oh well good series, and I'll definitely rent it from the anime library some time later.
Let's see...anything else..oh yeah gotta do my quiz for my class. Better do that soon before I forget or wake up too late today. Gotta finish reading Lysistrata first before that, as well as the accompanying lecture, but hey, technical details.
As for me, I've been doing alright the past week. I'm really excited about this upcoming fall and the possibility of having a car, though my folks are not having too much luck with that, and of course I'll have to contribute to the cost and help pay for it. Not that I'm complaining though, they could decide not to help me get a car, so I'm so glad my parents are so supportive to me, I know I take it for granted too often. So that's one great thing to be thankful to them for. I suppose my only other complaint is that I haven't had a whole lot of people (other than my roomates "occasionally", as well as Kim and Magatsu who are around (thank you so much both of you, John for being hilarious and Kim for letting me get groceries you're both awesome!), and a few other people) to talk to.
Oh yes! one other good thing! I found another guy (maybe even his friend too but I haven't met him yet) to train with, and last week (and this week too hopefully) Jay and I showed him some basics (and what do you know? he Loved it!). Also, Jay has been showing me some Great dagger stuff in preparation for a demonstration he's doing in the fall. Ah, those daggers are really starting to grow on me!
So inconclusion to this Thingie of a journal, I really have nothing to complain about, life is going well, I have Some things to do to keep me not bored to death, and...well yeah. Life is good. And thank you ever so much to those wotists (and others) who help make it that way: I am humbly indebted to you.

[Mazrim_Taim]

well, I actually read my previous posts in my journal. I never knew my college life could seem so interesting from such a few posts! (well I suppose anything that has to do with me Has to be interesting)
Ok so I have a paper I need to work on but don't want to...yeah I've Soooo been there. oh well I guess I'll get the week assignments done this morning, and worry about the paper after that. It's gonna take a lot of looking into my older reading assignments to get my paper prepared properly though. I chose a semi difficult topic. I have to defend the men of Athens (who by their laws restricted and limited what citizen women could do so they'd be more controlled basically) about their positions and their views on gender in the greek world. I'll probably leave out some of the self contradicting things, and make most of the paper a "speech" arguements with an intro and a conclusion with a few points after it. I'm a little worried about the exact citation method that's required (I don't get why someone would have footnotes, a works cited page, And a bibliography page...seems like it's always the same thing...whatever I'll work on that tomorrow)
Oh yeah, and tomorrow I have some longsword and dagger fencing stuff. Coolness, and my new friend (who ran into me practicing on the green and is now interested) is joining in too, so that should be fun. I hope the heat is not too bad though this time, but it probably will be anyway.
Sigh. I'm so easily addicted to things it's not funny. (see above post). I am itching to play RTW again...but know I shouldn't or I'll never get to sleep in time. Maybe I should just get to sleep now, and get stuff done tomorrow? Hmm what a thought...
Mazzy out.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Ok, finished my paper, finished all the crap I had to do for classes, and I'm just about finishing packing. I just have to...you guessed it, unplug da computer and pack that. Cause that ALWAYS goes last lol.
Well might not be too active for a while since I'll have semi limited access at my folk's home as well as "trying" to get my sleeping schedule back to normal where I can go to sleep at midnight and wake up between 7 and 8 in the morning (I have 8 am classes three days, that's gonna be really rough, but I am determined to try my best with those). So anyway, hope everyone is doing well that reads this, and tis time to pack up da comp! Mazzy (at least hte Mazzy on This computer) out.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Well I've been at my folk's home for a week now.
My sleeping schedule is still a little on the late side (note the hour of this post lol) compared to what I'll need for school. But hopefully I can wake up tomorrow in time for church. I'll be singing next weekend for a special music thing (a duet with my dad).
I've been playing Rome Total war a lot, probably too much, but at least the cat in the garage (Oreo) gets some attention. I feel so bad for her though cause she wants to be let inside the house, but my mom will not let her in the house. Oh well she'll live I guess. Still, it sucks being cramped up in a hot (in the summer, cold in the winter) garage with a bunch of chemicals and such.
Let's see, haven't practiced the sword enough these days, I need to get to that. Haven't gotten a car yet, but hopefully this week I'll help my folks with the search and find something already. We did have this one lead for a 97 camry, but it was sold to someone else before we could confirm we could get it. Bummer, I liked that car. Didn't look like too much but it ran well. This night I saw the Fantasticks with my dad (er that's a musical). Wasn't bad, and was able to congratulate Brandon (a friend of my sisters, and a friend of mine I guess; he's cool) for his role (he was Matt, for anyone who's actually familiar with the show, I know it's very low key cause it doesn't have many people in it, so probably not many of you).
And...well that's all I can think of. Time to get to sleep already. Mazzy out.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Whew! Semester has been busy! I'm taking 18 credit hours and it's killing me, especially in Music History and German.
But, this weekend the opera premieres its first two performances, and I'm psyched! (Verdi's Falstaff) Should be a great show and I'll tell you all how it goes. Maga and Kimya will also be there woot!
So yeah, I've been really busy with that lately, only had a break from a week of night rehearsals last night, and tonight is the first show! Can't wait till it's OVER so I can have a little more free time!
over and out.

[Mazrim_Taim]

Well, this semester isn't going much better than the last one, but I have myself and my lazy habits to blame for that. Physically I'm getting over a cold and worried about singing for my music exams and recital this week and next, and mentally I'm worried about how the hell I'm going to keep up with my classes since I've missed so many it's not funny and will effect my grade somewhat. Haven't failed anything yet, but, if I don't kick it into gear and make every single class after this, And be prepared each morning and study for my tests, I probably will.
Ironically, I notice I usually only buckle down when the odds against me are high...If only I could function diligently normally and not have to worry about all that pressure. Gotta say I have a talent for creating unnecessary drama for myself. But there is still hope. There is still hope that I can succeed with this, pass my classes with maybe only one C, and continue living this odd dream called life.
Temptation to watch more Death Note...deadly...