morat'to'raken
18th October 2004, 20:44
THIS POST CONTAINS SWEARING, SEXUALITY, YODA, AND A CRACKER IN SOMEONES BUTT.
Deep in the jungle of Bigwalkingtrees, a wind blew. This wind was not the
beginning. There are neither beginnings or endings to the turning of the wheel of time.
But the wind was a beginning of pissing people off. I mean, come on. It’s the same god
damn thing at the beginning of every frickin’ book. Come on. Seriously, you think this
guy could come up with something original.
Anyway, Rand was walking along, minding his own buisness. Or, at least what he
considered his buisness. Which is pretty much everything. So Rand’s just walking along,
when suddenly, out of the tree, a balding green midget jumps with a little metal stick.
“Passtressing you are, mm,mm.” Rand is about to tell off the midget when, the metal
stick grows a green glowing thing. “What’s this?” said Rand, reaching out. The balding
green midget (or bgm for short) jerked the weird thing away, saying “Dropped you your
mother did, mm,mm?”
Out of nowhere the bgm kicks Rand in the knee and puches him in the nuts,
which causes Rand to get mad, which causes him to start BFing things, which makes the
bgm say “Force strong you are, mm,mm?” Rand then kicked the bgm back, which, on the
count of the m part of bgm, causing the bgm to fly away, screaming” GET YOU I WILL,
MM, MM?”
Which leaves Rand alone, in the wild, with a sore knee and an extremely sore
kickstick. Groaning and wallowing in self-pity at the same time as he walked (an
extraordinary feat for one with such limited intelligence) Rand decided to take a break on
a fallen log. Seconds before he was unconcious, he heard “found you I did,mm,m.......
screw it.”
Hours later found the bgm over Rand staring at him and poking his stomach.
“Listen up beotch. I’m sick a diss messed up talk. I straight from da hood, my brother,
and now I gone talk like it. Now listen up, for I pop a cap in yo ass.” Rand looked at the
bgm like he was an idiot, but he just went on talking. “From now on, that clown up
writin’ diss ain’t gone call me bgm or yoda. I would be snoop dogg, but due to copyright
laws, I’m snoop cracker.”
At this point, Rand noticed he was covered in Ritz crackers and cheeze whiz.
“What the hell is wrong with you? And why am I covered with crackers and cheeze
whiz?” Snoop cracker laughed. “We ran out da plates, man. You da bafet.” For a moment
Rand liked the idea of bafet. “What about the world? I need to save it, ya know.” At this
point Rand nodded like a three year old who found mommy’s crack, but Snoop Cracker
just grabbed a cracker of Rand’s thigh and shoved it in his ass in pursuit of sour cream.
“You got alot of nerve. Be happy. At least you’re not him.” Rand looked over to his right
and saw Perrin with an apple shoved in his mouth. That alone wasn’t so bad, but the fact
that he had a hornbeam up his ass and was slowly rotating over an open fire was pretty
damn bad.
Snoop leaned close to Rand, whispering, “Watch out though. We have a guy who
like to dip his pork in sour cream.”
P.S. I have one other funny story and a serious one at another website. As soon as I can, I will post 'em here.
Deep in the jungle of Bigwalkingtrees, a wind blew. This wind was not the
beginning. There are neither beginnings or endings to the turning of the wheel of time.
But the wind was a beginning of pissing people off. I mean, come on. It’s the same god
damn thing at the beginning of every frickin’ book. Come on. Seriously, you think this
guy could come up with something original.
Anyway, Rand was walking along, minding his own buisness. Or, at least what he
considered his buisness. Which is pretty much everything. So Rand’s just walking along,
when suddenly, out of the tree, a balding green midget jumps with a little metal stick.
“Passtressing you are, mm,mm.” Rand is about to tell off the midget when, the metal
stick grows a green glowing thing. “What’s this?” said Rand, reaching out. The balding
green midget (or bgm for short) jerked the weird thing away, saying “Dropped you your
mother did, mm,mm?”
Out of nowhere the bgm kicks Rand in the knee and puches him in the nuts,
which causes Rand to get mad, which causes him to start BFing things, which makes the
bgm say “Force strong you are, mm,mm?” Rand then kicked the bgm back, which, on the
count of the m part of bgm, causing the bgm to fly away, screaming” GET YOU I WILL,
MM, MM?”
Which leaves Rand alone, in the wild, with a sore knee and an extremely sore
kickstick. Groaning and wallowing in self-pity at the same time as he walked (an
extraordinary feat for one with such limited intelligence) Rand decided to take a break on
a fallen log. Seconds before he was unconcious, he heard “found you I did,mm,m.......
screw it.”
Hours later found the bgm over Rand staring at him and poking his stomach.
“Listen up beotch. I’m sick a diss messed up talk. I straight from da hood, my brother,
and now I gone talk like it. Now listen up, for I pop a cap in yo ass.” Rand looked at the
bgm like he was an idiot, but he just went on talking. “From now on, that clown up
writin’ diss ain’t gone call me bgm or yoda. I would be snoop dogg, but due to copyright
laws, I’m snoop cracker.”
At this point, Rand noticed he was covered in Ritz crackers and cheeze whiz.
“What the hell is wrong with you? And why am I covered with crackers and cheeze
whiz?” Snoop cracker laughed. “We ran out da plates, man. You da bafet.” For a moment
Rand liked the idea of bafet. “What about the world? I need to save it, ya know.” At this
point Rand nodded like a three year old who found mommy’s crack, but Snoop Cracker
just grabbed a cracker of Rand’s thigh and shoved it in his ass in pursuit of sour cream.
“You got alot of nerve. Be happy. At least you’re not him.” Rand looked over to his right
and saw Perrin with an apple shoved in his mouth. That alone wasn’t so bad, but the fact
that he had a hornbeam up his ass and was slowly rotating over an open fire was pretty
damn bad.
Snoop leaned close to Rand, whispering, “Watch out though. We have a guy who
like to dip his pork in sour cream.”
P.S. I have one other funny story and a serious one at another website. As soon as I can, I will post 'em here.