For A.

[Dregs]

I sit here and I wait for you to come back. Just me and the four grey walls that was or flat. Part of me, the righteous me, says if you really cared, you would never have left. The rational me says even if you did care, youre gone and I have to go on. I'm not listening. The insane me says you're going to walk in anytime soon. But your not.

You're gone, but I'm here.

I think about how things were. We were flatmates, friends, almost lovers, once. Home late, after big night in the pub, kissing fondling, etc. Didn't go any further.

You were ready, I was passed out.

Sometimes I think, why did you go? Was it something I said? Something I didn't say? Why the bottle of gin, before the pills, and the bath, and the wrists? I would have made it tequila. Tequila makes me happy, gin makes you cry. Sometimes I agree with the righteous me. If you cared you wouldn't have gone. Not in the way you did, for me to find you. Gone. I would have drunk tequila, first.

But then, your dead, and I'm not.

Miss you mate, you selfish bitch.

[Thecaptain420]

DR. Dregs You poor and tortured soul,
If you Don't Fight you might as well just dig yourself a hole.

[Dregs]

I wish I hadn't posted this now. self indulgent and whiney. Never realised what a sad sack of shit I was.

[Alexia]

Aw cupcake, you're not a sad sack of shit. Don't think that. Perhaps you were just sad and depressed. But was it not better to get it all out in any way at all? Did it not make you feel better to have written it down here?
If it helped, then vent away, my friend. You have people who listen. :)

[Dregs]

Thanks lexi! *hugs* (for your loss too). I needed to see what grief (and guilt) actually looked like, written down, so I guess it has helped.

[epiph]

actually, dregs, i think it's rather beautiful. i like the way the words flow.

[nightfairy]

actually, I think it's rather a lovely bit. Really, I was touched. And I love the way it unfolds. It's a rather difficult technique and you wielded it beautifully.

it starts off a bit clumsily, but it feels like you've gotton your groove by the second paragraph and the rest just flows wonderfully. And the emotion is true. And that shows through.

Writing can be excellent therapy. And it's one of the few ways that the pain and difficulty and tragedy of our lives can produce something significant and beautiful.

(EDIT) just spelling - doh!

[Dregs]

You know, it almost killed me,
that black dog.
Almost killed any part of me that was human
Any part of me that cared
Any part of me that loved

But nothing kills me,
and certainly not a black dog.
Because of that black dog,
I realised I was a grey wolf,
and wolves don't give up,
certainly not for a black dog

The proud wolf in me grabbed me by the scruff
Shook me, woke me
And we (the wolf and I)
We were proud and we were strong

That black dog,
died that day.
We fought and we won,
By any way we could
It wasn't pretty, never is
Killing a black dog.

[TRUTH]

Dregsy,

That 1st one man. Freaking A. What can I say? I like pain and emotion and that has it. I liked it a lot. I am sorry it's about something so depressing but I think you hit it just right.

I liked the 2nd one a lot as well cobber.