Ramblings of a Mad Cleric

[Cloric The Cleric]

Mad....hmmm, now that's a funny word.


Which do I mean? do I mean angry, or crazy....


sometimes I feel like I'm both. Like right now. Angry at the state of the world, angry at some of my friends "I'll call you, we'll go see <insert event here>" Never call. Next time, I call them, no answer, "oh sorry, we went to <insert event here>." Isn't that funny, here I thought you were going to call. Bitch.

*sigh* sometimes I think I need new friends. The few friends I can count on always seem to leave. Move. Drift away. And it's only gotten worse now that I'm a couple. Or part of a couple. Or, as it's been refered to in the past, "one of the we-people." Oh, how I hated those people when I was single. You know the type.

"Oh, we went to see that."
"We're going out of town this weekend."
"We just bought a new car."

Never, Mark and I, Jaimie and Me, My boyfriend and I, or even just I....it's always we. Like they can't do any fucking thing without their partner being attached at the hip. Hey, do you want to have lunch. "Well, we need to....to...something", hell I can't think of anything that makes sense right now, but it's always a one-person task, but the "we-people" can't seem to realize that. And I'm not one of those people? Am I? I've tried not to be. I've tried to keep my independance intact. I've tried not to lose my friends in the toussle of a new life with someone. I guess.


As for the crazy? Well, I'm ranting on a board of people I've never met, well, except for one, and what good does it do? It's not calming me down, that's for damn sure. It's just making it a bit worse. Well, maybe this time. Maybe next time, it'll be better.

That's all. Thanks.

[Cloric The Cleric]

Why am I posting today?

I really don't have a lot to say. I guess I'm just posting to take up a little more time at work when I'm really not doing anything...

*looks over his shoulder and sees the layoff ax aproaching*

*sigh*

Why is it that I find a nice job, one I actually like, and then this happens?

The economy goes all crappy, people stop buying product, and lots of good people, people I had come to like in the short time I've known and worked with them, lose their jobs. I want to blame someone, heck I really want to blame GW, but....as much as I dislike the man, I'm not sure he deserves all the blame. Some, yes, but all? probably not.

Oh, and yesterday. The indignity.

We have assigned spots at our apartment building...parking spots I mean. and I come home, already fairly disgusted with the world, to find that some stupid bitch had parked in my spot. At first, I tried to be understanding...maybe someone had parked in her spot, and so she just parked there momentarily til she could do something about it. So I parked in the spot next to mine while I went up to talk to the office. I wasn't about to leave my car in someone else's spot all night. I went up there, and my leasing agent looked in the registry to find out who's car it was, and where she was SUPPOSED to be. Turns out, the bitch that parks next to my boyfriend, and I use the word with full intention, since she consistently parks 3 inches from his car, sticks her front end out about a foot and half into the driveway, and swerves in front of cars trying to enter the lot without ever looking to see if anyone besides her is on the road...anyway, it seems like she had gotten a new car, but hadn't sold her old one, since it was still parked in the spot that was assigned to her. She just decided to take up MY spot with her new car, I guess because, Hey! Why would I need it? it's not like I pay my $35 fucking dollars a month for an assigned parking spot in covered parking just so I can park my car on the street. And it turns out, that she just transfered her permit to her new car. Her old POS wasn't even supposed to be in the lot anymore. Well, my landlady likes me (we've gone out drinking before) so she let me park in a Personel space until we get this resolved. I wouldn't have been so bent out of shape, but this is the 3rd time in as many weeks that I've had someone indiscriminatly park in my spot.


People suck sometimes.
'nuff said.

[Cloric The Cleric]

Hmm...here's a bit. I didn't get laid off, but apparently I'm not salary anymore and my pays been cut by $2k a year, over that, actually.

I went to talk to my boss about it, and he explained that hardly anyone is salary anymore, so that's alright, but that my pay shouldn't have been affected by more than a couple of dollars a paycheck.

Meh. These damn accountants and their "new math" I'll show them new math. You + my baseball bat = my damn money back.

*nods*


Oh, and incidentally, the lady is out of my space. heh. I saw her in the office last night talking to the leasing agent and looking at the parking space list. Mess with me will ya.

;)

[Cloric The Cleric]

Hmm...Has it really been 5 days?


Apparently.

Well. I still have my job, though the amount of time I've been able to spend on the internet at work these days probably isn't the best of signs. There are somethings I could be doing, but no one really cares if they get done before summer anyway, so I'm not real motivated to complete those tasks. Paint me Mr. Procrastination.

Heh. got a new car this weekend. Well, new to me, anyway. So now we've got 3 cars, and two spaces to put them in, and one of the cars doesn't run.
: pause for a phone call:

Actually, I just got off the phone with my leasing agent, and she's gonna try and find us another space to put the non-working one in until it's gone, or fixed, whichever. So, good on me.

Got my driver's license. Again. First time in 3 years I've had one. It feels good to be legal again. Real good. Still tense up every time a cop passes the other way tho. Check my speed, make sure I'm using my signals. That'll take a while to get over. It really is amazing. In 3 years, I've been stopped by the police...let's see...5 times or so, and have not once been called on my suspended license. I couldn't believe I was so incredibly lucky. I was a nervous wreck driving to the license bureau, tho. I just new when I was ON MY WAY to get a new one that my luck would run out, and it'd be curtains. Didn't happen, for which I am eminatly grateful to whatever higher power has been watching out for me.

Anyway. Just keepin in touch.

Cloric the "Breaking the law!" Cleric.

[Cloric The Cleric]

Why can't people realize that their words have power. I don't care who you are, the things someone says to you can affect you.

Words have the power to hurt, and the power to heal, but more often we just use them to hurt each other. Repeatedly and without remorse. What makes it worse is when we hurt someone without realizing it and then just brush it off b/c we think those people aren't being rational about the whole situation. Well, fuck that. Feelings aren't rational. No one ever suggested they were.

I've lost really good friends in the past over this issue, something I've said without meaning to cause pain, and my apology wasn't accepted, or something someone said, more than once, that hurt me, and when I brought it to their attention, they refused to apologize and continued to do it.

Now, I guess I've lost a member of this community. Well, I didn't lose him, I just shut him out of my little corner of it. He shows no remorse, or even responsibility for what his words meant to someone else, even when I tried to bring it to his attention. I doubt he'll miss me, probably even thinks that doing what I have done is "silly." Fine. He can think what he wants. This will make me happier, for a while. I don't have to expose myself to his attitude, his toxic remarks, or anything about him. Fine. I may remove the restriction later, who knows, but for right now, I think I can do without his contributions.

Just the way I feel. And, while that doesn't make it right, that makes it mine, to do with what I will.

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Lunch break! Wooo!


*sigh*

Tired. A little grumpy. Annoyed about my DMing last night. Apprehensive about my performance in the dart tourney tonight.


Meh. we're on our 6th week. My team isn't having a great season, I've scored over a hundred maybe 4 times and I haven't won a single game. The team's record is 22-23 going into tonight and 9 of those were b/c of a forfeit. Last year, I was 9th overall in point totals, and the team was 2nd in the division. The teams not really even that different. One player, but he didn't even win the majority of his games. I can't figure out what the deal is. Oh, and this is my first season as team captain. I get a real bad stomache Thursday nights now. I really gotta chill about it. I think my games off b/c I'm to worried about doing well. I just don't know how to turn off that competitive spirit. I tell myself it's just a game and it's just for fun, but the truth is I want to win. I want a trophy. I want the recognition.

Trying to get better. We'll see.

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

WooHoo! We went 5-4 tonight which gives us a winning season!


AND I won a game! woohoo!

*does the happy dance*

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Strangest weekend. I won't go into details b/c it's really TMI, but suffice it to say....Strange.

Woke up at six this morning. refused to get out of bed at least til 7 so I lay there drifting in and out of a doze. really odd things come to mind when I do that. I start imagining things too very well. sometimes it almost feels like a hallucination, tho I know it's just a half dream. It's usually morbid, like wondering what my boyfriend would do if he woke up and I had passed away during the night. wondering what I would do were the situation reversed. Bad shit like that. now it's 7:30, been up for half an hour, waiting for the alarm clock to go off tellimg that it's time to actually start getting ready for work. I like times like this though. The boyfriend is still in bed, traffic is just starting to jump on the street below my apartment, heck, even the cat is mainly calm right now. It's good thinking time. If I ever remember to set the coffee maker, I like to pour myself a cup of joe, sit on the couch, and look out. I get a really good view of the city from the 8th floor.

*sigh*

there goes the alarm (in the metaphysical sense). looks like its time to start my life once again.


Till later.

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Heh. It's a damn good thing that I didn't wait for the real alarm this morning. I accidentally turned the wrong one on. My clock has dual alarms, I set Alarm 1 and turned Alarm 2 on. Silly me.


CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Okay. 3 posts in one day. Terribly bored at work. This is a "bad thing."

*sigh*

I really don't have much to say, I suppose. nothing to rant about, no hidden feelings to share, none of that.


Things to Do:
1. Stop smoking
2. Start eating better
3. Lose weight
4. Get new contacts
5. Go to the Gym
6. stop procrastinating about all of the above things.
7. Stop procrastinating about stopping procrastinating.

Meh. I'll do it tomorrow.

[Cloric The Cleric]

Okay,

I lied. I didn't do it today. I haven't done any of the things I listed above...

Well, I did have subway today instead of a greasy hamburger. That counts, right?

Heh.


Anyway, another day without being laid off. whew. every day I breathe a little easier. Dunno. We'll see.

I've only got half an hour left. woohoo! time to go home, almost.

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

*sigh*


Well, it was dart night again. And again we got our asses kicked. But I expected that going into tonight. the team we were playing is first in the league, and they have a pro-level player on their team. He isn't actually pro, but he really should be. The rest of the team isn't bad, but he's their ringer. I get the fact that people want to win. I really do. But I don't think I'd rely on one team member like that. He won 5 out of the 8 games they won, and outshot all three of his own teammates. I don't know, I'm not bitter, really. And it's not that i think it wasn't fair. They followed all the rules. I just don't think I could enjoy it much myself if I let one person carry the team. Maybe I'd feel differently if it was my team with the ringer.

On a brighter note, I did get over a hundred a few times, including my second highest single round score. I'm happy about that.


Anyway, that's about it.

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Alright.

Monday Morning. Decided to stop procrastinating about one thing. I am I am I am going to stop smoking. Do or do not. There is no try.


*sigh* cheer me on.

[Cloric The Cleric]

Hmm...

Beautiful gorgeous day. I'm stuck in side at the computer. Sucks.

Well, not so much. I still have a job. They've started a new round of layoffs or something, tho I don't think they'll get to me just yet. We'll see. I'm trying not to let it bother me with the way the next couple of days are looking weather wise. It's just going to be too pretty outside.

I love the springtime.

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Well. Yay. One more day I still have my job. I bet you're all tired of reading that aren't you? *shrugs* Just re-affirming it to myself, I suppose.

I actually worked hard today, which is a relief considering the way my workdays have been going lately. This is really the first chance I've had to sit down and just chill all day. And it's almost time to go home.

I just love the weather outside. I like it when it's warm and sunny. makes me feel good inside. and I've got this weekend off. Makes me feel REALLY good inside.

I really didn't have much to say, I just wanted to express my relief and joy.

CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Wow, been really busy at work lately, and haven't had time to post much. YAY for me! no, I'm serious, it's a good thing. I just found out yesterday that of the three of us that run our auto-dialer, it looks like they're going to let the one of us that's been there longest (which is not me) go, because the other two of us are so much better than she is. I hope she doesn't ever visit this site, tho, b/c I don't think she knows yet. How sad. Makes me want to go around to everyone and ask what they know that I don't. Oh well.

[Cloric The Cleric]

Holy Crap!


It's been, what, 17 days since I posted in this? Talk about neglect.

Well, dart season is over and done with. Thank God, I don't think I could have stood one more week of getting our asses collectively whipped. Now to just wait for the Awards banquet so we can collect our small winnings and various pins for good tosses and sneak quietly away.


I'm about to end up with a great deal more free time on my hands...the boyfriend starts a new schedual on the 25th of this month. 2:30 pm to 11pm Sunday/Wednesday off. It's kind of a shit schedual, but it's better than it could be, I suppose. Anyway, so don't be surprised if you see me lurking in chat nights. Hmm...
Chat or RWK? that's a tough one. Of course, I just bought a new video card for my computer, so online games just got easier. Ah, the dielema...dilema...deilema...screw it.

Still employed. I'm beginning to breath a bit easier..we haven't had anyone laid off in a while now, so...*whew*

I didn't really have much to say of any import, just wanted to get back into the habit.

Later all,
CTC

[Cloric The Cleric]

Man. I have so got to break this cycle of neglect. Meh.


Okay. So. Another year older. Yay. 3 to go and I have met my goal. I'm serious. It's always been my goal to live to see 30. That's my short term goal. My long term goal is to be a Two-Timer. Meaning that I want to live to see Haley's Comet pass again. Let's see....it passed the last time in 1986, I think, so I just need to live to be 86 years old, and I should have it covered. Then 14 years after that and I'll be 100, and 24 years after that and I'll see my second century roll around. Bah. I think I'll stick to my short term goals for now.

Speaking of age has always made me a bit maudlin. In my life time so far I've seen most of the original screen stars pass away. I've lived through the deaths of Lucille Ball, 2 of the 4 Beatles, Elvis, the Queen Mother, Princess Margaret, and will probably see QEII go as well. I've lost 3 grandparents (I have 6), no cousins or aunts or uncles, yet, tho. I'll probably out live both of my parents. I'll probably have to watch the love of my life pass out of my life forever, and good friends as well.

I know. That's the way life has always been. That doesn't mean I have to like it, just accept it. It just makes me feel like the guy from the Green Mile sometimes. Meh.

Time to think on something happier.

[Cloric The Cleric]

So. Here I am, waiting for the boyfriend to come pick me up from work. The Mustang needed some minor repairs so we got to carpool this morning. Fun. Just listenting to music, playing on the computer and, well....just sitting here. Not really much goin on, and sometimes I kinda like it that way. Taking it easy is the best way to go sometimes.

Planning a decent trip this weekend to OKC for memorial day. It's the big gay rodeo down there, and that's almost always a huge party. lots of good looking men in tight jeans. Tell me, does it get any better than that? Nope, I say. Nope it doesn't. Unless of course you don't like looking at men in tight jeans, then your perspective would change totally, I suppose. Meh.

oh, there's Mike. Later.

[Cloric The Cleric]

all right. Here's the close up.

[Cloric The Cleric]

And Here's the one for size perspective.