slipery words, traps, impications...

[jonboy]

ive ment to Make a reflections page for awhile now...
as to the title, i musta been drunk. if not, its a good excuse

[jonboy]

if you didnt notice, that was a bit of a joke, kinda like gods joke on me, having a twin.....

it makes me able to be at two places at once....the only good of many evils

the worst part is being at the same place, at the same time....

[jonboy]

im a bit wonked now, just supurbly underwhelmed by my abilities lately. umm....collect the thoughts now..

i got out my motorcycle yesterday and proceeded to drive very fast on unsafe and frozen ground, it was a blast, but very cold. it took me like 3 hours to figure out how to start the damn thing in this cold weather, wich by the way, turned out to be simple. you need extra gas in cold weather, because cold air is more dense than warm, changing your Fuel/air mixture. well at first, it would stat, then die, after a bit, feathering the throttle didnt help. eventuallt i figured out i had to "pump" the throttle to wide open repeatedly, to make the accelerator pump work, giving it lots of gas and making it run....
ummm
i cant wait till the river thaws so i can go fishing again...
my money supply is nonexistint, giving me the title "poorest wotist alive" there are probly other wotists poorer, but they have most certainly starved by now.
i only have $30 left to pay on my car, and i got i


well, i never finished this one, and forgot what i was gonna say, oh well

[jonboy]

i asked my boss today why he was in such a good mood. to which he replied "i choose to be in a good mood, got a problm with that" i didnt..........

[jonboy]

universally speaking.......all that is.......all that will be.....all that was... all is the universe. thoughts, colors, emotions, life, rock, air, drugs, perception, light, feeling, space, all is the universe. it has no beginning and it has no end. universe is all encompasing. nothing is forgotten, universe IS.....
there is no end, there is no beginning, there is nothing, and it is everything. i am here and you are there, and we are. we are the universe. We cannot be created, nor destroyed, merely changed.
shattered or molded we change. we are. death is nothing, we are forever. we are everywhere and we are everything. we always were. What is END?


i liked this post, for some reason. it is right. Umm lessee.....

today i, well, i, uh......well, im not drunk yet, so thats good. I need to be more simple minded. It was better when i was a kid. i could sop up info like a wonder mop. anymore it has become just more of the same over and over. nothing changes. it probly never will. faces change, but we still stay the same... to much is expected from me. they think im something im not. as wendy's quote says "some men have it (mediocrity, however its spelled :D ) thrust upon them" thats me
something will find me though. I can feel it. i will be something. something is holding me back too. i can feel it, and i know its there, but i cant see it. but why cant i see it. i see what i does often enough. one of my favorite sayings is, "waiting is" and i will wait, maybe to my death, but i will wait. another i live by, well, i say it, is "i'll trust anyone once......"well, needless to say, if trust isbroken, genrally mayaswell talk to yourself, cause youll only hear what you allready know.....
hmmmm.....my mind has drifted.....i must learn to channel my awareness better UNT..................

[jonboy]

ummmm............

some people never know, and probly never will. i think ive mastered reading minds of those around me, or at least making large scale extapolations based on minimal information. all thats needed is a persons emotional state, and motives. think in anothers mind once, its fun. you may not know what they will say, but if things are considered properly, you will know what they will do. main question, what will make me look good?? next is, what do i need to do, basicly, whats best for me. adults think just like children, only they learn to trick. they dont always say what they think. they lie to others, and to themselves to justify choices. know when they lie to themselves. some adults have trancended this large child phase, i havnt met one yet. to understand another is to better understand yourself................

learn how to see that the obvious choice isnt always best, live for the moment, but look to the next.

i have a fucked up mind, dont i?

"servant of all"

[jonboy]

"awnser me!@!!!!) damn it ! awnser meeeeee!!!!"

i had a dream i was on a skateboard all night, and i couldnt seem to fall off. im so damn clumsy.......well i am, and im not good at skateboardin. mahaps i had the spins, and my mind was desperate to explain it. at least i didnt puke. i got a little drunk lsat nite, 3 bars, a frat house and a party house. not counting the drunk bus. the frat house had sticky floors, way sticky

[jonboy]

ive been living on 6 hours of sleep a night for about 2 months

i guess i just wanted to throw that out there

[jonboy]

time to reflect....
errr.... about what. hmmm. i have no life to speak of. my notions of right and wrong are widely variable. i live from day to day in a daze. the weeks pass by like nothing now. i remember when an hour went by and it felt like a week now. granted i was 3 or 4, but i still remember. where was i going. there is nowhere to go but onward. so ill continue. :umm: i want to go fishing. i want to ride my bike. i want to go to college. people resent me being smart and not going to college. it pisses me off. i dont know what id go for. i would waste my time and money, and party till i died, most like. I get pissed at my brother justin, because he always tells me what to do. he is not my father, or my boss or my mother. my mother at least knows when to give up. my friends can get annoying, telling me things even when i tell them its better i not know. i teach them. now i dont know, and im a little more happy :) i think i need to vent sometimes, because i havent been angry in well over a year, i cant really remember. if this post has no reason, at least i can say hi. ive learned that, although everyone seems the same, we all type the same, have the same language, go to the same schools, we are all vastly different. some have nothing to say, but love the sound of thier voice. some feel the need to watch and ocaisionally meadiate. some stir trouble, and some are just plain silly. you all have lives, that is what we all share. we live differently as night and day.
"just another popin' jay who thinks he's got something to say...."

[jonboy]

some people...........

i fail to understand why they dont see what is plain in front of them. sure, an illusion has been there scince they were born, but people grow up. how i see it, those that fail to see the reality are those that fear it most and those that belive with all thier heart that the mist is real. the world will always be pecariously perched on the brink to some, while others charge headlong into the throng, to make their mark. it matters not what happens. we all live in shackles, we gladly bind ourselves. then gush and brag, because we are the first to live in such a way. live, as you must. but remember, nothing is as it seems, your life is only important to you, and maybe another. there is no reality, just perception. you exsist only in you own mind. your body you sleep in, and sometime you will wake. sleep well.

[jonboy]

Why do i try to explain myself? my thoughts mean nothing without the feelings that go with them. when i write, the purpose is lost. i find it hard to ...............say truth so it is belived to be truth. but what happens is the truth misleads. it makes it better than lying sometimes. "when a lie is expected, the truth is a lie to the questioner" there i go trying to explain again. by the time you figure this stuff out, you will have learned it for your self. that works on so many levels...........

[jonboy]

cha cha cha

ma ha cha cha

hodie hodie hodie

Ja Ja Ja!

i say the right thing, but act the wrong way
i like it right here but i cannot stay
its hard to explain

[jonboy]

i would rant for real, but i cant remember

"what about the rimmer directive? Never tangle with anything that has more teeth than the entire osmond family!"

the other day i went to the hospital and was treated and released for a concussion. I tried to walk into target, but i missed.

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
once they are on thier backs, thery're screwed

the other day, i went to the local religous book store and bought a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. i put it on the back bumper of my car and started heading home. an uplifting experience followed. i was at an intersection,deep in thought about the lord and didnt notice the light had changed. It must have given those behind me time to see my new sticker, because i found alot of people who love jesus! The guy behind me really loved jesus, because he was honking like crazy! Pretty soon, he leaned out of his window and shouted JESUS CHRIST!" at the top of his lungs! It was like a foot ball game, with him shouting "GO JESUS CHRIST GO" what a great bunch of folks....

[jonboy]

ive decided that the only way to keep insanity in check is to walk on its edge, constantly. to go to far in either direction is a sure course to true madness.

"george, can i tend the rabbits?"
"yes, lenny, you can tend the rabbits"

alone we stand, together we fall apart.

[jonboy]

i learned a valuable lesson yesterday; Even though it looks like your finger wont fit between a brake pad and a rotor, doesnt mean it wont. i got that sick feeling as i saw my 1/4 of an inch thick finger tip smash into a gap much smaller, say, 1/16 in. today, my blood almost boiled. i finally got a very troublesome car to run. how troublesome, you ask? ive been working on it on and off for 8 days now. how i get paid, ill get money for half of the first day. maybe. i love my job. both of my index fingers and thumbs are in pain, so typing is, well, painfull. ill stop now.

[jonboy]

lets see... its been awhile.....

whats new? umm i had a bad experience thursday morning, the direct result of excessive drinking wendsday night. i was puking and dryheaving most of the morning. but, i was still working :p
so, ive decided to drink less. its been working out so far. it would apear that me and justin are going to build a car shed (i couldnt remember how to spell grauge) for our mother this fall. she has way to much faith in us. we'll do a good job. errr.....wheres my beer?......ok nm...... ive been motorcycling around a bit lately, just off road though. good and fun. tomorrow i go to work like every week, so maybe i wont post much still :grumbles:

later kids!!!

[jonboy]

my state of mind is changing again :confused: i can tell its happening, but wont know where ill end up. the goal is to be a better person :umm: . i have some motivation. im working when i dont have to. it feels good. hmmmm..... i wonder what ill do tomorrow. another great funkin day!!! lol i tried to type Fickin.....wow .......fuckin...but it was funkin.....and "N" isnt even by "C"...... maybe my profanity streak is fading.....tha'd be cool to......

[jonboy]

"i do not regret the things i have done..........."


"sorry buddy"
"heartbreaker"

[jonboy]

another new day...... i supose i should make a real reflection for once!

hmmm... i busted out my air conditioner the other day, its getting humid in iowa.... speaking of busted, i saw a kid this weekend that was looking for someone that said she was with us....but didnt tell us.....i went to a little rinky dink fireworks display in the small town of Buckeye....about 90 people live there, but the size of the town more than tripled that night.... hmmm....work still sucks... and huh....yup, work still sucks....ill let u know if it ever stops sucking.....been to busy with alot of things this month...i cant even remember, probly cause most of it was drinking.....and figure 8 racing......hmmmm....i saw oldschool the other day...i want a name like "Frank the tank".......i decided that the only real use for a skateboard is a "keg dolly" you have to have the trucks tight though.....got the lexus i was working on done, but its not done, the gas gauge still does not work properly.....huh.....i started smoking again....(dont tell anyone) ((everyone knows but you)).....i got a helmet for my motorcycle now, but my father would still rather have me play videogames than attempt to die young(what he keeps telling me im doing)....msn got lost somewhere in the comp, so thats another reason ive not been around......cheese cake alone does not make a meal, lord knows ive tried.....does anyone else buy a pitcher of beer and drink directly out of it?......i need to go golfing some time...and ride my motorbike....the corn is growing like mad, its already 2 foot tall......pretty soon, it will be 8 feet tall......well, i think i have nothing more to say....gotta go soon, busy still. Smoke me a kipper, ill be back for breakfast......

[jonboy]

well, i moved out thursday.... justin bought some rum thursday and i didnt drink any!!!!!!!!! last week end my 15 year old 2nd or 3rd cousin was tryn to trip me into her tent :umm: my father knows where i live already :grumbles: justin hasnt got any of his stuff moved yet....On the 4th, a water ballon from a float in the parade hit me in the junk and droped me :shattered: Justin got 2nd in the cardboard boat race(2 entries in busness class, the third was a bar, but they were drunk and late :rolleyes: ) the corn is 6 feet tall. im going to do extensive work on an infinity (infinity is a luxury car) this month....my pet frog is hanging around on the glass of his aquarium....my mini fridge will hold 6 cases of beer.... im going to ride my motorcycle today.......


until mext time......this is my life.....

[jonboy]

so yeah.... stuff changed.... it always does....umm...heh...

oh well..... i think i freaked out a little bit yesterday... i could not focus at all, and i kept forgetting where i put things....i got nothing done at work.... it may be because im overworked of late....prolly not. i think i need a vacation.....some time off....just sit back and goof off all day for 4 days in row or so.... wow..later

[jonboy]

yeah.....my pet frog disappeared :( i think the ferret has something to do with it, though im not sure......that little bastard has a taste for booze though, he tipped over a glass of um and coke, then started laping it up like no tomarrow.....twas quite funny........i was only letting him run up my roomates blanket.....the drunk bastard anyway......


yeah, friday night was a trip....justin wasnt doing so well.....and i was drinking on an empty stomach, like normal.....last night was slightly boring, two half assed parties....oh well......tonight should be fun......need to get some wotists out here for a party.... that would prolly get crazy.....

[jonboy]

i got a nuther motorcycle friday......stupid impulse buys........stupid work...gotta work again....

[jonboy]

my new thing...."im just as smart as u, and im alot dumber than u think i am........"


and stuff... stupid more work...

[jonboy]

:D im so happy now!!!!! yay for me..... horay for everyone(everybody loves those guys).....:D iv not been this happy forever..............:D.................:D
yay again!!!

[jonboy]

yeah just got done reading stuff i wrote along time ago....
i came to realise that i couldnt find myself, because i was already there...........

[jonboy]

:D yeah yeah yeah...its been awhile....ok....so i was having this conversation....right? and.....ummm....~scratches head~ maybe it will come back to me later.........anyway......yeah....life has simultaneously disenchanted me yet recaptured my interest all at the same time..........im looking inward more than usual...its quite facinating......the outward stuff seems to continue as normal....nothing new..... yet some how you always get thrown that curve ball when you knew a fastball was coming....when u look at the same things from a different perspective...they become new again...to live life over again, instead of re-enforcing old memories....it is to be a child once more.....it feels that way if you actually let go...........but thats the trick....to let go of what you know....to forget what you saw...what you heard.....what you felt....... but the feeling if you can.....:D to make things fun again... sometimes i forget how nice i have things.....and how i always want more....feel like its needed....and the key? i dunno, im not you.... im convinced that either the world is crazy, or i am, dont tell anyone, but i dont think its me:rolleyes: all i can do is grin....the world isnt my way and it never will be...i know this... but to realize and accept this is difficult sometimes....but im glad for what i have, and those i know.
some people say im to content, that i need to reach out for more....yet i cannot hold onto what i already have....yet somehow i hold onto myself through life....i have not forgotten who i am...i hope i never will................

[jonboy]

...........hmmmm....so it wold appear.......ive lost touch with reality it would seem....ive been see'in things with rose colored shades....now my world seems to crumble.....well...not yet, but i see it on the horizion....sometimes i look so far ahead that i loose sight of what is in front of me, and stumble......this time i may have fallen......but im tired of getting back up....im just so tired....so i will sleep.........maybe another mistake....time will tell....

[jonboy]

F.T.W.

[jonboy]

i should take my own advise....

i will learn one of these days :p at least im learning......
ill finish this post later....

[jonboy]

i should take my own advise....

i will learn one of these days :p at least im learning......
ill finish this post later....


i was kidding....


broken busted and remade, that is the way of the heart.....