run fly sink

[mindphone]

since i tend to write a lot of pointless blather (ie. rants, poems, snippets of things, mini-stories, fragmented thoughts, reflections) i figure i will set up one thread in which i can post them. sorry if anything offends you, it is not me it is my mind




on a walk to the grocery store i ventured upon the baby jesus.
he was sitting in a ferrari, talking on a cellular phone and laughing loudly. i asked him what was so funny. he motioned me to be quiet. since it was baby jesus i obeyed. i waited another 6 minutes and then baby jesus got off the phone and talked to me about how the commercialism of christmas made him rich. rich and happy. he informed me that if i told anyone about what he had said i would surely loose my head. i believed him. with that baby jesus drove off into the california sunset mumbling something about profit margins.

[mindphone]

drowning on dead beliefs. pulled under by arcane thought.
glassy eyes. smiling face as the waves grow higher in the sky.
a comfort that the questionless find.

[mindphone]

galloping footsteps out the door. in a raining aftermath, a post-consumer apocalypse.
that was reason running away, into the beyond. a path we never venture down.

[mindphone]

did it come apart>
the marching drone of progresssssss.
clipped the barren wings.
disease and commercials.
heroism is a prayer for the dying.

[mindphone]

noxious fumes that linger
throughout your fallout shelter
throughout your rubber conscience
looking for another....
another night in purgatory

[mindphone]

a man walked down the sidewalk in the residential area that he lived. he noticed that it was autumn. the leaves had fallen off the trees. it was time to go home and rake them, put them in a garbage bag, leave them on the corner and wait from the prompt men from the waste disposal commision to take them away. never to be seen again. instead he counted to ten and stopped breathing.

[mindphone]

war does not frighten me. it interests me. watching the frenzy people get themselves worked into when a great act of violence is committed is more enthralling then disturbing. i like seeing the news channels cook up a storm of paranoia for the masses, it is an interesting relection on human nature. i don't know why we have not come to accept war and violence etc. as a part of our lives. as a part of our humanity. striking out at other creatures fulfills some sort of base instinct that has been embedded in us unknowingly since our creation. essentially, we humans are just advanced animals. we all know that animals fight and kill. all we humans are doing when we go to war is
fighting and killing on a larger scale just because we can. there will never be a war to end all wars. a nuclear apocaypse will not occur. this is simply because as much as we like to indulge in death and destruction we also enjoy self-preservation. so while yes, we will kill one another as long as we can, i highly doubt the human race, and the world at that, will come to an end by means of a conventional war. nor some "war on terrorism" as is currently being enacted. the only war that will destroy us is our inadvertant war on the enviroment and its resources. the only threatening battle we face is the one with our own greed and lust for posessions. one that, sadly, we will lose all too soon. so sit back, have a drink, and enjoy the menial events that are unfolding around us. watch various groups proclaim why they are killing others. god, king and country. all the same old bullshit we have been hearing for millenia. relax, and have a laugh at how hard we try and deny that animal instinct has drained out of us as we have become more "civilized" then the creatures we deem below us. it is a pitiful sight but what is the point of trying to change something we cannot?

[mindphone]

It was fifteen minutes or so after that K said: “I’m starting to feel it.” As if brought alive by his admission, I started to laugh. Q pointed out that my pupils had a strange look to them. I laughed again. It would be an hour before we made our trip and I suggested we go and sit in my living room. This proved interesting, as the carpet was very engrossing. Q said we were “wierding him out” and walked into the other room to get a drink. I showed K how, if looked at the right way, my Asian rug became a three-dimensional animation. Tearing myself away from the carpet, I tilted my head to assess K’s reaction. It was a success. His face was melting.
M was running late, he arrived about 45 minutes after K’s initial pronouncement. We walked out to greet him and also to have a cigarette. M looked me up and down. Then he gave me a warning: “Remember the time I turned yellow?” I confirmed that I did indeed remember the time that he turned yellow. “Be careful then.” I had always put the incident down to jaundice.
We had a predicament. M and Q were not men of action. K and I were. The problem with this was that K and I were too busy exploring our surroundings to figure out a means of transportation. The hedges directly in front of my house seemed to be involved in some sort of dangerous sexual act. This unsettled me. Before that night I had never imagined that shrubs were capable of perverse violence. I sat in a chair and stared at them for what seemed to be hours. I believe they were taunting me but now I doubt I will ever know.
A hand shook my shoulder: “Come on you fool, the cab will be here. You’ve been sitting like that for ten minutes.” Q’s voice sounded like a dying tape player. Ten minutes? Surely my voyeurism had lasted longer than that. But there was no time to think of the past. I looked over at K. He was putting on his shoes. He looked afraid; his body kept expanding and contracting with his breathing. When he breathed in he shrunk to the size of a four year old. When he breathed out K was returned to his normal size. When I pointed this out to him he just looked at me with grim acknowledgment. I felt his pain.
The cab was yellow and reminded me of a giant bee. Being allergic to bees I would not get into it. M said that there was nothing to worry about but I didn’t believe him. His lies would kill us all. I looked to K for advice but found none. He was too busy analyzing a stone that struck him as grotesque. M and Q started pushing us towards the cab. I screamed out for help and denounced them as “Fucking fascists.” K, being the more reserved one, just allowed himself to be pushed along as though he were devoid of life. At this point, I knew that I was on my own and would have to get into the giant insect.
Surprisingly, the cab turned out to be a cab. The driver turned around to address us: “Where to, boys?” I would have answered him properly but was taken aback by the pins that seemed to be under the skin on his face. They wanted to break free. So I just stammered some nonsense. “What’s that?” M compensated for my error and gave the man directions.
A quarter of the way there either M or Q, I can’t remember which, pointed out that we had no funds to pay the man with. I didn’t respond as I was gazing at my left hand and could not break free of its pull. With some slow explaining the two convinced K to go into a nearby convenience store and get some money out of the machine. This would be K’s greatest test. We pulled up to the business and K got out. I lifted my head to watch him through the window. He walked in and navigated his way through the maze. He looked worried and I could tell he was sweating. The store clerk was eying him with suspicion. I felt extreme paranoia race through me when I realized that the store clerk could, by all means, be a paid assassin. K looked out at us. I caught his eye and he got my message. Moving twenty times quicker, he got the money and paced out of the store. Later in the evening he would tell me he had “never felt such fear in his life”.
Our destination was the apartment of an associate that was located on a busy street. Since none of us wanted to pay any more than we had to we decided that we would get out a bit before the apartment and walk the rest of the way. K paid the cab driver generously and I hoped the man would not get the black helicopters after us.
It was windy out. I thought this was some sort of cruel trick. Some act of God meant to blow me out onto the street where some angry, middle-aged construction worker would be likely to run me down with his Dodge. As we walked, a large red van pulled along side of us. It was our comrades S and B. S looked at me and started to laugh. He had the appearance of some angry beast choking on a large thighbone. I was amused and laughed along with S. We told S of our plans to get across the street to the apartment. He told us of his plans as well but I was not listening as I had now found a new object of fascination: the night sky.
The sky was different. I stared at a very bright star and realized that the universe was slowly being sucked into this star, this portal. Maybe not in my lifetime, maybe not in the next, but at some point, the earth would be consumed by it. I was amazed I had not noticed this before and started to feel a very subtle force tugging me upwards. There was no use in worrying about the inevitable though, so I continued walking down the street.
I glanced back and realized K, Q and M were still at the van, about two hundred paces behind me, talking with S and B. I retraced my steps exactly, making sure to wipe out any traces of my journey, and rejoined the group.
After this, S and B left and we decided to cross the street. K expressed his doubts. He felt that crossing the busy street was unwise, as we would easily fall victim to speeding cars and quicksand. I agreed with K, it was not safe. M and Q insisted we just cross as we were almost directly in front of our destination and the lights were a ways up the road. Without giving us time for further consultation, they bolted. K and I, confused by their sudden actions, started running as well. We would never get to the other side. The houses that we were running towards were retreating and the road was growing wider, wanting to swallow us up.
I started repenting my sins, thinking that my life had come to an end but just as I was recanting for kicking my dog the night before we reached the sidewalk. It was a happy moment. We all had a cigarette. Then I noticed a figure down the road at a phone booth. It was J, a friend that we were supposed to meet. As we got closer I realized that his glasses had become permanently attached to his face and he was panicking. “Don’t worry, J.” I called, “Everything is going to be fine.” He looked at me, puzzled.
When we got to J he informed us that the proprietress of the apartment had not gotten in from work. This was troublesome as there was a tree in the park beside us that I felt would kill me unless I got indoors. So, with some coaxing, we convinced J to climb up onto the apartment’s deck and get in the back door, which was never locked according to K. I readily agreed with K’s plan. It made good sense. J climbed on top of a fence and hoisted himself onto the deck. Half way up I noticed his backpack had dissolved into his red jacket. I wondered how he was going to get his books to school the following Monday.
After what seemed like an eternity, J came downstairs and opened the door. We had at last made it. It was a frightening ordeal but I calmed down and became relaxed as we settled in.

[mindphone]

roaming sentinals and dancing viruses.
all represented in pretty drug pictures,
cocaine socialites

[mindphone]

left behind: a bitter taste
dragging the compliments you've been paid up the stairs. to the closet
to the top
i am vacant i am detached
turned upside down and put into a poorly written satire.

[mindphone]

i am bothered/unsettled by the following:

-the bush administration
-mormons
-OPEC
-NATO
-tony blair
-the pharmaceutical machine
-DeBeers: The Diamond Company
-Conrad Black (pompous, conservative asshole)
-greta van sustern
-people who talk endlessly about 9/11
-mick jagger
-icebergs
-ADM
-intravenous drugs
-the looming threat of complete biological warfare
-korean cars
-the queen mum (dead....;) )
-danielle steel (stop writing)
-the entire kennedy family (with the exception of Ted. I pity him)
-globalization
-THE WORLD BANK (public enemy Number One)
-any country that has a "spiritual leader"
-chicken soup for the soul books
-Women's magazines
-the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation
-organic dimentia
-sleeping in the hedges in front of one's house because one is too drunk to move
-christian rap
-christian rock
-manitoba
-Port Dover
-THC dreams
-Charlton Heston and the NRA
-Ralph Klein / Mike Harris (they are the same person, are they not?)
-the illusion of personal privacy
-the restricted flow of HIV/AIDS medication to African nations
-Phillip Ian Quinlan
-creationists
-vladimir putin and his new Soviet regime (just look at his eyes! the man is evil)
-seafood
-allowing Jesus into my home
-oil companies
-police states
-mandatory military service (anywhere)

[mindphone]

i am not bothered/unsettled by the following:

-tomato soup
-drinking
-peyote
-hemp products
-radiohead
-noam chomsky
-stanely donwood
-any record pink floyd record put out after 1970 and before 1981
-buddhists
-independant record stores
-sleeping
-pablo escobar
-fear and loathing in las vegas
-naomi klein
-ike turner (he made tina)
-switzerland
-the nice, handicapped man who delivers us pizza at all hours of the night
-the white stripes
-Dolemite
-irvine welsh
-poppy-seed bagels
-concerts
-Audis
-white noise machines
-the massage chairs at the mall that are more addictive than crack-cocaine
-having a means of transportation in order to get from point A to point B
-giving subtle but clearly recognizable dissaproving looks to people

[mindphone]

in pitch dark i go walking in your landscape.
broken branches trip me as i speak.
just coz you feel it doesnt mean its there.

-radiohead

[mindphone]

assimilate. associates.
this is all there is. this is all we have to offer.
smile. recieve the bread like a gift. is what is.
this is all we have to offer.
blue skies crawling through night
hoping for the best.

painting faces like nightmares.

[mindphone]

i am the propaganda machine. close your eyes and think of complication.

[mindphone]

birds of prey - never never
scared of: society/progress
wrap your arms around me

[mindphone]

five to one, baby
one in five
no one here gets out alive
-the doors


how true.....

[mindphone]

lingering. in forced wait.
this time.
things are going to be better from now on. all is re-arranged.
better living. this is better life.
writing songs on casual relationships and clothing.
bliss.

[mindphone]

getting drunk to get comfortable.

[mindphone]

oh man, im pretty hung over. i have to work for about four hours this afternoon and then i am going out of town to some party that is about an hour away. my stomach hurts. i really should have saved all my drinking for tonight. this is much too taxing on my body.
been listening to a lot of wierd electronic music lately. aphex twin, squarepusher, mum, boards of canada......that sort of shite. kinda getting fed up w/ mainstream guitar music again.
pacifism. elitism. facism. motherfucker.


face down. you've blown the whole deal wide open......................
.....................bodies in the trunk------no space for explanations.

[mindphone]

every single person is present. comfortable - with screens all around.
mass satisfaction in silence.
will you remember me when i'm gone
or just keep spreading our new disease?

[mindphone]

the blue car waits in the parking lot, idling.
a floor above, your boss is scattered all over the walls.
looking back, it is apparent that somewhere along the line the paper shredders broke down

[mindphone]

change is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is never change is never change is never change is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is never change is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is neverchange is never

[mindphone]

paper white holocaust - open eyes, welcoming tender embrace of our post-modern nopocalypse. 'there is no threat. comfort reigns supreme' - somewhere beyond the clouds ran from night. stars and satellites laughed, blinking and then exploding back into the sky.

[mindphone]

a stowaway in my mind
shelters for the morally corrupt - snap to image of christ on cross

[mindphone]

Overhead the albatross
Hangs motionless upon the air
And deep beneath the rolling waves
In labyrinths of coral caves
An echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand
And everything is green and submarine.

And no one called us to the land
And no one knows the where's or why's.
Something stirs and something tries
Starts to climb toward the light.

Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me.
And do I take you by the hand
And lead you through the land
And help me understand
The best I can.

And no one called us to the land
And no one crosses there alive.
No one speaks and no one tries
No one flies around the sun....

Almost everyday you fall
Upon my waking eyes,
Inviting and inciting me
To rise.
And through the window in the wall
Come streaming in on sunlight wings
A million bright ambassadors of morning.

And no one sings me lullabyes
And no one makes me close my eyes
So I throw the windows wide
And call to you across the sky....

-pink floyd

[mindphone]

run and tell your mother.....run and tell the IMF / that there is no relief - no respite.
pile the money in the west. smile, blessed children, you have reaped the benefits of commercial capitalism. death clothes and feeds you.

[mindphone]

the face of a dead man
already painted up like a doll i fell asleep for days. all was good
profit and loss for us all.
***
don't cheat the living, just smile.
it's in the name of good taste you see;
that we all fall down and stand up together.
***
you said you were not home. but i saw the light in your window.
i saw your shadow pace around your room.
in a frenzied search;
but i was not there.
***
remember things.
that you can think but never say.
a string of numbers that is your life.
***
pay homage to the tax collectors.
dont overdo it though,
i made you this way and i am sorry.
***
off the roof.
it looked out the window as we flew by,
and wished things were different.
***
please do come visit
from time to time.
i like having things i can call my own.
***
mental infestation.
the feeling that other people are confused.
one-way communication; zombies.
***
9 times.
until we all widdle away.
from nothing and back again.

[mindphone]

buy these albums:

radiohead - ok computer
pulp - his n' hers
mum - yesterday was dramatic today is ok
squarepusher - go plastic
godspeed you black emperor! - slow riot for new zero kanada
mogwai - young team
radiohead - kid a
gomez - in our gun
boards of canada - music has the right to children
the dears - end of a hollywood bedtime story
sloan - twice removed
the shins - oh, inverted world
orbital - in sides
pulp - this is hardcore
do make say think - goodbye enemy airship the landlord is dead
sigur ros - ageatis byjurn
mum - finally we are no one
the velvet underground - white light white heat


buy these movies:

apocalypse now
fear and loathing in las vegas
the man who wasn't there
pi
requiem for a dream
the french connection
gangster no.1
trainspotting
the acid house
permenant midnight
traffic
sexy beast
a clockwork orange


buy these books:

king leopold's ghost by adam hochschild
heart of darkness by joseph conrad
no logo by naomi klein
anything by noam chomsky
the devils by fydor dostoevksy
for whom the bell tolls by ernest hemingway
anything by irvine welsh
everything is illuminated by jonathan safran foer
paddy clarke ha ha ha by roddy doyle
twilight of the idols by fredrich neitzche

hm. all i can think of right now.
come alive for a day or two.

[mindphone]

a mushroom cloud over the earth. incineration. holes in my style. garbage capitalism.
garbage communism. no minds, no matters. that should be our slogan. let's relax
and worry about our problems tommorrow.

[mindphone]

my beliefs are fed to me via i.v

[mindphone]

'fix the need
develop the taste
buy the product or get laid to waste'
-rage against the machine

[mindphone]

randomthought36 - white gowns. white faces. voices of silk.

[mindphone]

randomthought81 - the grass is greener on the other side. better fertilizer.

[mindphone]

all stacks of paper. black-listed.
ruined blood rivers flow like molasses
through the recesses of the mainframe.
did not get sick. but traces were found.
just a useless pawn, being held up by thin strings of reason.

[mindphone]

:mad: thank you for stopping in. your short visit was unexpected/pleasant :mad:

[mindphone]

'what do you get for pretending the danger's not real?
meak and obediant you follow the leader
down well-trodden corridors into the valley of steel'
-pink floyd

[mindphone]

just a dream i had once
just a dream, but it was a beautiful one.
you remember - where we sing again, a sad song, a soundtrack for our dying world.

[mindphone]

the
politically,
militarily,
socially
funded
usurpers
of
the
land
must
be
removed

i
watch
the
news
media,
the
one
sided
news
media,
and
i
feel
sick

[mindphone]

randomthought9 - fire in the hand between us

[mindphone]

recently aquired albums (bought, downloaded, stolen, otherwise):


godspeed you black emperor - f#a# infinity
do make say think - & yet & yet
sigur ros - von
mogwai - come on die young
mogwai - e.p
mogwai - fear satan remixes
gomez - bring it on
cinematic orchestra - every day
tortoise - millions now living will never die
tortoise - standards
slint - spiderland
explosions in the sky - those who tell the truth shall die, those who tell the truth shall live forever
explosions in the sky - how strange, innocence
boards of canada - geogaddi
underworld - dubnobasswithmyheadman
underworld - second toughest amongst the infants
tenacious d - self-titled
miles davis - bitches brew
doves - lost souls
beck - sea changes
orbital - work
the flaming lips - yoshimi battles the pink robots
the string quartet - strung out on okc
portishead - live in NYC
spiritualized - live at the albert hall
spiritualized - ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space
dj shadow - private press
the beatles - the white album
rolling stones - exile on main street
the smiths - strangeways, here we come
modest mouse - the moon and antartica
squarepusher - go plastic
blade 2 sountrack
cypress hill - black sunday
belle and sebastian - fold your hands child, you walk like a peasant
massive attack - mezzanine
electric soft parade - holes in the wall
unkle - psyence fiction
orbital - the altogether
prodigy - the prodigy expierience
radiohead - pablo honey
the chemical brothers - exit planet dust
jimi hendrix - are you expierienced?
orbital - snivilization

[mindphone]

........

[mindphone]

oil money is death -

like people dropped from
helicopters
by south american puppet
dictators

like commercial sweatshops
sporting already dead
asian children.

rome was not built in a day and it did not fall in a day.
but it did fall.

[mindphone]

you're the apple of my eye
falling further into the sky
1=2 we hope that you choke.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

in other oliver-related news: i start new full-time job on monday - this weekend shall be the weekend of extreme intoxication. expect me to fuck up the whole credibility of this thread with some ignorant drunken posts tonight / tommorrow night

[mindphone]

i wrapped you inside my coat
when they came to firebomb the house
i didn't feel pain
'cause no-one can touch me
now that i'm held in your spell
beautiful girl
a beautiful girl can turn your world into dust
sell me a car that goes
sell me a house that stands up
i never cared before
i never cared before
i never cared before
before
before
beautiful girl
a beautiful girl can turn your world into dust
beautiful girl
a beautiful girl can turn your world into dust
i stood in front of your face
when the first bullet was shot

-radiohead

[mindphone]

news: i had full intentions of posting drunken hijinx last night but i was much too intoxicated. i ended up going to a party that was really close to my house and then having a bunch of friends (about 15) back to my place after. i drank a lot of gibson's finest whiskey - i'm not really a hard liqour guy so i'm taking the hangover quite badly. my own damn fault. there was also some amazing sessions had last evening. when we got back to my place (12ish) one of my friends pulled out a bag with around 10 joints and just said whoever wanted to pitch in five bucks could be in on every one of them. needless to say, i was all for it. my memories of the evening get a little dim after that. when my mom got home this morning she said my pants were lying on the kitchen floor but otherwise the house was clean. i must have swept everything up and then stripped. oh well.....good time had by all.:)

[mindphone]

people are weak. this is true. why does 90 of the population have to be ignorant bastards? i suppose that's the way things go.....damn....

you lock the doors
throw away the key
there's someone in my head
but it's not me

-pink floyd

[mindphone]

i've got my own computer at my new job. sweet! my first day here.....very laid back work. i think i am going to enjoy this

[mindphone]

i dlouv to see uyousmile again like dimyonds in th4e sdust. the amazing sound of the killing hoardes the day the banks collapsed onus.
cease thjis enldess chATTERING, LIKE AEVREVERYHTING IS FINE. WHIN SOORY IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH sit in th eback while no
one
drives

[mindphone]

stream of conscience:

live. die. eat. the outlaw josey wales. bad movie. edited. nothing. nobody. wires behind the shelves. running into ceilings. six storeys up. i watch the cars and think of driving. can't drive anywhere. breed, inbreed. night sky - night sky and explosion. explosions in the sky. good band. bad time. this is not happening. poster on wall across room. link numbers. circulation desk. mind decks. chinese painting, above me to the right. not mine. don't know when. ripped out articles. scan problems - resolve conflict. oh no oh no oh no. getting paid for this. laughing hard it's a long way to the back. monitor. monitor. over.

[mindphone]

man, i fucked things up today. the d room (short for digitization room) where i work has this ancient scanner, which i hate. it is my enemy. anyhow....i decided today, after an hour and a half lunch at an italian restaurant in the mall underneath my building, that i was going to move to a different computer (there are 6 computers and only two people) that was faster. the bullshit scanner had to come w/ me as i needed it for some work i am currently doing. so i moved it to my new computer (fucking thing weighs like 50 pounds) and set it up. being a child of new technology i neglected to realize that it was made for an SCSI port (old school) rather then a USB (which i am used to).....anyhow, it didnt work. so i set it back on my old computer....didnt work there either...funny cause the damn machine had been operational five minutes before. this upset me. so i called up one of the techs and he came and yelled at me. this made me angry. 'you know how much trouble i've had with this...blah...blah...blah'.....shut the fuck up, it's your job. anyhow he finally got it working and, thank god, left my room. to ease my pain i ate some cookies afterwords. yeesh.
sorry, that was boring. but i'm afraid it is the most exciting thing that has happened since starting work here....speaks volumes about my job huh?
peace

[mindphone]

dullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

[mindphone]

fuck. i stayed out a bit late with one of my friends as i hadn't seen her in a good while. she basically told me how shit school was etc. and how no one was there anymore as they opted for college instead of university. i grimaced - i'll be back there next semester, that catholic paradise. christ.
so yeah, i got in about 1 or so, considering i had to work today that was a bit late, after about five hours of sleep i up and took the commuter bus into hamilton. the security guards at the building where i work gave me slack again - i got irritated this time and just said, ver slowly, '6th floor. digitization lab. i work here. you see me every day.'......i dont like the average middle-aged employee (with my chords, backpack and headphones) but security has seen me enough...they should know who i am.
worked for a couple hours this morning with my boss....contacted the national archives in ottawa about some old newspaper articles that have to be requisitioned.....they are pissing about copyright.....everybody is afraid of lawsuits these days.....i bit ridiculous if you ask me...oh well...anyhow, after the work i downloaded a couple albums and listened to them for bit....then lunch at an italian place that is in the mall below the building with a girl i work with (;))......i had a few odds and ends to tie up this afternoon but now they are all done and ive got over two hours to sit around until i'm done....oh well....boring but its pay.
going to some party tonite w/ friends. planning on getting fairly drunk. need to unwind after a week of work....haha....i sound like one of the ose businessmen who come into their house after work, undo their tie, throw their briefcase, pour a scotch and slump over in their leather recliner.
hm. alcohol...yummmm...........
whatever....its the only exciting thing in my life...meh, whatever.....

[mindphone]

somewhere past the phallic ruins
the denial techs are breathing.
holding baskets full of industry
like infants at birth.
the enthusiasm spreads like a plague
of swarming locusts
in the heart of a machine.

[mindphone]

insanity weekend......uggg....too much drinking. some drugs. haze. fuck. work tommorrow. why am i posting this? who cares.[

[mindphone]

it was raining. tie us to the cross upside-down and look upon us with pity. up on that
hill, jutting from the center of valley like some obscene subterranean creature trying
to break free. up on that hill, we were all judged and condemned. the disease was
of the worst sort, one that allowed you to live with the knowledge that you would die
all too soon. it was raining that day. grab ahold of one clear memory and don't
let it slide.

[mindphone]

we signed a petition. all fed up with your perverse ambition.
neurotic psychosis. sliding up and down the trail. some bizarre love triangle madness.
stumbling on the goodwill of others.
take me away to the ward tonite. i'm feeling dandy and my head is sewed on wrong.

[mindphone]

lessons on pro-creation: unremarkable people sire unremarkable children.

[mindphone]

.................i only want my mind.................

[mindphone]

Drift all you like
From ocean to ocean
Search the whole world
But drunken confessions
And hijacked affairs will
Just make you more alone

If you come home
I'll bake you a cake
Made of all their eyes
I wish you could see me
Dressed for the kill
What a nasty surprise
What a nasty surprise

So unplug your phones
Stop all the taps
It all comes flooding back
From poisoned cloud
To poisoned dwarf
What a nasty surprise

-radiohead

[mindphone]

i am absolutely in love with the new beck album. just thought i'd say that. it is a masterpiece amongst the smorgasboard* of masterpieces that have been released this year.

*this post was also created so i could use the word smorgasboard

[mindphone]

i had absolutely nothing to do at work today. i sat around and thought about what i was going to do with my upcoming paycheck and smiled like an idiot for a couple hours. then i went down to the first floor for a cigarette. after the exciting cigarette break there was about 6 or so hours of sitting by myself in the office (the girls were at uni today so i was alone). mum called at 5 and said she would not be at my place of employment to pick me up until 6:30 (she works in the same city as i so we go to and from work together)...i sat around for another 1.5 hours looking at speakers i wanted to buy on the internet. i am speaker fiend. i am a wicked child. save me baby jesus, and radiate your love. hehe. anywho, 6:30 comes so i go to wait on the street for the matriarch. she is late. when she does arrive she gets out of someone elses car.....she has locked her keys in the corrolla so we have to wait for her boyfriend, robert, to make the 50 minute drive to hamilton to pick us up. it was weak. during the waiting period a drunken vagrent (very drunken....) accosted us for thirty cents. i gave it to him. he was pushing a broken bicycle. he asked why we were standing around and gave my mom the up / down. it made me pretty ill. i calmly informed him of our predicament. he said: 'if you take me to yer car and get me a clothes hanger i can bust it open for ya.' we politely declined. he later fell down about 100 meters up the street. bob finally arrives and takes us to some fancy italian restaurant called 'the capri'.....i feel out of place and drink a couple sleeman's to get myself relaxed. it works. after dinner (i had some bastardization of fettucini alfredo, 'twas good) we make the drive home. long long day. bed bed bed.'

[mindphone]

small warning bells running through you. your stock has dropped. drop yourself
from a building.

[mindphone]

the sidewalks slick with rain that has just fallen. it's only a dream i had one
day. something upon which to depend. a reason to wake up and smile when i see our
star. you don't have to look at me that way, i'm alright if you are.

[mindphone]

one half is me. the other is two girls i associate with.

[mindphone]

my work-time addiction:

www.liquid.se/pong.html


please don't click on the link - the game will hurt you.....

[mindphone]

woohoo...cable internet at home!
man, im fucking stoned.

[mindphone]

there's one road to the morning
there's one road to the truth
there's one road back to civilization
but there's no road back to you

-beck

[mindphone]

i guess the weekend has been over for a day or so now, but mine has just ended because i didnt have to work today. meh. had a good one. friday night i cashed my first paycheck. i was pretty excited so i called up some of the guys and suggested we hold a beer club at my house. let me explain beer club to you: see, i drink fairly regularily but normally just canadian independant beer or 40s if i'm broke, but beer club is held around once a month and is for the drinking and rating of imports. anyhow, there is six guys in beer club (women are not allowed and we have rejected other guys for not being discerning enough when it comes to alcohol) i called them up and we went down to the beer store in my friend ian's van. after a fairly large import purchase we came back to my house and started drinking. i commenced with a double corona and then got into the cans (this week i had faxe, stella artois, bitsburner, beamish dark, john wells pub ale, guinness draught, grolsch and some shitty japanese beer i got as a joke, hasai or something like that). after about an hour and a half of drinking we were getting pretty drunk and my phone started ringing. we finished beer club up and about 10 other people came over for more drinking. by the end of the night i was in the bag five times over. after a blistering hangover the next morning and working for my mother the next afternoon to clear up a debt, victoria, a close comrade of mine called me up to see if i wanted to come over to her place, drink a bit and then head over to a party close by. so ian, myself, rick and mike went over to victoria's were we were met by her, erika and elissa. we drank some and then went to this party. it turned out it was being thrown by some kid who was a couple years younger than us and there was a lot of drunk little kids. it was quite the spectacle - they were stumbling everywhere, one guy was throwing up on himself. it reminded me of my early drinking days. luckily, about 30 or so more people our age or older showed up so a good time was had by all. i also got smoked up several times by some younger girls. that was pretty sweet. sunday i layed around in bed, woke up, went out for a coffee w/ sean, came and then lazed around my house for the rest of the evening. today i slept until three p.m. it was nice. today was another nothing day. fun weekend. not much else to say. 'tis all :)

[mindphone]

'if you spin your love around
the secrets of your dreams
you may find your love is gone
and is not quite what it seemed
to appear to disappear
beneath all your darkest fears
to the revelations of fresh faced youth
no one will come to save you
so speak your peace in the murmurs drawn
but youth is wasted on the young
your strength is my weakness, your weakness my hate
my love for you just can't explain
why we're forever frozen, forever beautiful,
forever lost inside ourselves'

-smashing pumpkins

[mindphone]

for lack of anything better to do and because i'm wired as fuck on coffee, here is the current playlist on my winamp:

the hives - the stomp
sonic youth - superstar
humdrumm commuter - former mountain
gorky's zygotic mynci - spanish dance troupe
the breeders - huffer
the breeders - put on a side
clinic - walking with thee
mooney suzuki - half of my heart
of montreal - spoonful of sugar
pinback - loro
unwed sailor - riddle of stars
unwed sailor - the house of hopes, dreams and wishes
film school - not about a girl
mira calix - sandsings (boards of canada remix)
bjork - army of me (beastie boys remix)
bjork - alarm call (beck remix)
beulah - if we can land a man on....
belle & sebastian - we rule the school
cat stevens - the wind
beck - atmospheric conditions
kula shaker - radhe radhe
ravi shankar - bangla dhun
underworld - dirty epic
wilco - ashes of american flags
gomez - drench
gomez - miles end
mogwai - yes! i am a long way from home
the velvet underground - sister ray
godspeed you! black emperor - east hastings
matmos - for felix


i give props to anyone who knows even half of these bands / artists! hehe....what a fucking music snob i am!

[mindphone]

you perfect child - never knowing wrong. nothing that can be reversed, linoleum smiles in the fading aftermath[propheticdreams, walking w i t h saints. faces melting for the church]. i tried to be right for_____, good for us*there are nevers that over-stay their welcome, just wait and see. live for this goodwill denial. marching into the towns (raping, pillaging) after sunset. dim corner rumours. little beauty victim, scower the countryside, looking for potential suitors / father figures.
surprise is a scarce commodity in these parts,
actions hold little weight
love holds no sway
words dissapear like people always do:
look for the you in me - you will find nothing, my dear.

[mindphone]

random thought 67 - the embrace of the sky (the sterility of cold, calculated sex)

[mindphone]

'i don't wanna take what you can't give,
i would rather starve than eat your bread,
all the things that others want for me - can't buy what i want because it's free'

-pearl jam


'just a perfect day,
you made me forget myself.
i thought i was someone else,
someone good'

-lou reed (i love those lyrics....can't listen to them without thinking of that scene in trainspotting where renton gets a bad hit of heroin and o.d's. i cry everytime during that part of the film)

[mindphone]

i believed the lie....and it made me stronger

[mindphone]

truths that hold themselves up with a crutch,
flying towards the roof of the world. waiting to burst,
in the night - when the lights start flashing and then failing on us.

[mindphone]

so anyhow, i am at work and tired as all hell from my all night coffee binge last night. on the plus side i have the rest of the afternoon to do as i please. i had to work at a museum this morning with some old photos and on my walk back to the office just now i stopped in at a bookstore where i picked myself up a copy of 9/11 by noam chomsky....now i am a huge chomsky advocate, the man is one of the only anti-free market capitalist opponents who thoroughly researches all aspects of his arguments and comes up with practically air-tight cases for what he is trying to say. ive been meaning to pick up 9/11 for months now and i am drooling just thinking about reading it. for those of you who have not read or heard any chomsky, and are not blindly supporting one 1st world gov't or another, do yourself a favour and either download some of his speeches from kazaa or pick up any one of the scores of books he has had published.

[mindphone]

holy christ. i got home from work, unplugged my phone and passed the fuck out. hehe....i woke up about 20 mins ago to find my computer running (i guess it has been downloading shite for like a day without me knowing...clever bastard!).....so yeah, i woke up and checked my messages and there were like 4 from disgruntled friend: 'oli, where the hell are you etc.?'. apparently, when i had some people over last night i said that i would hold a medium-sized drinking session at my house tonight. well i fell asleep and left everyone high and dry....meh, oh well =\........but yeah, whilst i was at work and asleep my comp downloaded a lot of music for me. wicked!

[mindphone]

'Ain't it funny how the factory doors close
Round the time that the school doors close
Round the time that the doors of the jail cells
Open up to greet you, like the reaper

Ain't it funny how the factory doors close
Round the time that the school doors close
Round the time that a hundred thousand jail cells
Open up to greet you, like the reaper'

-rage against the machine

[mindphone]

undeclared war criminals = the republican party, george w. bush, ariel sharon, the IMF, globalization, the saudi government, OPEC, NATO, tony blair



redeemer = motherfucker

[mindphone]

'The vaudeville generals cavort on the stage
And shatter their audience with submachine guns
And Freedom and Violence the acrobat clowns
Do a balancing act on the graves of our sons
While the tapdancing Emperor sings 'War is peace'
And Love the Magician disappears in the fun
And I wave goodbye to murder
And smile hello to the rain'

- Tim Buckley in Hello&Goodbye

[mindphone]

fuck me...i am hung over to all hell. its 4 in the afternoon and i woke up about an hour ago.....i just cleaned my house. i had a little party last night. nothing big, 15-20 of my closer friends...i'd like to have bigger things but last time my bastard neighbour called the police. :( i like big parties. but it was alright none the less. everyone was in pretty inebriated state by the end of the night. four others and i sat around and smoked pot until 3:30 in the morning (everyone else left around 1:30).....good times. i also ate a wicked bacon cheeseburger. actually, im sure if it was really wicked...but i was fucked out of my gourd so it certainly tasted nice.
welp, gotta make this short - gotta go out in a little bit to pick up some various odds and ends. gonna have another little shindig tonight. let the good times rollll.......

[mindphone]

some wierd stuff afoot tonight my brothers and sisters.....oh christ, some wierd stuff indeed. but let us not speak of that. let us peak of me being very very high and needing to sleep.......yes, sleep tonight. :) peace.

[mindphone]

alright this is getting ridiculous - last night i had sat myself down to watch some tv and then go to bed when my boss called and told me to stay home today to do work. i was pretty happy with this little development - so i stretched out and relaxed. the phone rang again and it was mark, a buddy who was home from college for the weekend. so i told him to come over and he said he'd pick up a few more of our friends on the way. mark & co. showed up. then another car load of people did. then another. by 10 there was about 20 people. on the plus i got smoked up numerous times and free alcohol / pizza. not a bad night. i woke up on the couch this morning. how i got there i will never know.

[mindphone]

Someone standing close to me is shot in the neck. He spins round suddenly very slowly and I can see the hole in his neck where his adam's apple should be. It is edited like a scene from a film. The crowd scatters and meshes and the man falls. Bad thoughts crowd my head. But the worst thing is that I want to get away as quickly as I can and I can't remember where I have left my coat

the above excerpt was written by stanley donwood. i love stanley donwood. he is an artist / writer who is brilliant. he makes pretty pictures. visit him, i want you to: www.slowlydownward.com

[mindphone]

dude, my head fucking kills. too much responsibility. too much to do today. sleepee now.erjkglhdfvgkjsdfkj

[mindphone]

we sleep around from time to time. it makes us feel better on those cold nights, lonely. water:wash me clean. i am ready for the big comedown. strolling, smiles for newborns. poisons. i am ready. out the windows and on the streets, the murky shadows of progress fade - as though never there.suddenly, i am not so sure

[mindphone]

my head hurts.

[mindphone]

'While you make pretty speeches,
I'm being cut to shreds.
You feed me to the lions,
a delicate balance

When this just feels like spinning plates.
I'm living in cloud cuckoo land.
And this just feels like spinning plates
Our bodies floating down the muddy river.'

-radiohead

god, those lyrics are gorgeous

[mindphone]

'these days i barely get by.
i don't even try.'

-beck

*cries4beck*

[mindphone]

weekend was too intense to try and write out. at least not now, am making this short....going to victoria's place for thanksgiving dinner then going out with some friends. peace + love

[mindphone]

night will follow day; back again

[mindphone]

starve to get solace,
marching through these forests of laughter.

repent! repent!
not today, nor tommorrow

starve to get comfort,
tumbling into these rivers of never.

[mindphone]

no work. play no. sleep in day. dreams convuluted. taking pills for such things. make life more graphic, i think. radiation-radiation. bad fan, swelling organs in sleep. hurting walking. perhaps not from fan. all around. in the air. electrical humdrumm current mess. little speaker. oh yes, oh yes, what a pretty curtain you are, all primped up and bought from a trendy swedish store. we all know which that is. fucking materialistic bastard. oh no, that's me. family friends lovers. walking in circles at the end of bed. no more gone from fingers. should be articulating myself better in this. need to. need to. can't.

[mindphone]

'Are you trying to put me on?
I turned around and it was gone.
Did I leave it in your car?
On a table in a bar?
Or in your bed between the sheets?
The places where we used to meet.
Wherever love has gone I need to know.

When you left,
I didn't know how I was going to forget you.
I was hanging by a thread and then I met her.
Selling pictures of herself to German business men.
Well, that's all she wants to do.
Come on, come on.
I don't want to try too hard.
I don't want to wait too long.
I don't want to live alone,
with all this crap that pulls me down.
Oh, tell me now,
how would it feel,
if I could touch you once again.
Where have you gone, where have you gone.
The moon has gone down on the sun, Oh yeah.
I know that you're coming home.
You wouldn't leave me on my own.
Everybody can't you see,
she's coming back to me.

Whilst you were gone I got along.
I didn't die,
I carried on
I went drinking every night
just so I could feel alright.
Stayed in bed all day to feel OK.
I felt OK.
Oh I felt sick and tired,
yes I did.
She lived at her father's place,
played his records though they jumped.
Wore her body back to front.
I tried hard to make it work,
kissed her where she said it hurt
but I was always underneath.

I don't know why you pretend,
that it causes you pain,
when you know very well,
you're going to do it again.
You're going to do it again
and again
and again
but can you keep it going all nite long?
I know it's going to happen.
It might not be today.
It might not be tomorrow,
or even the day after,
but some time soon, you'll see,
you're going to come back to me.

Whilst you were gone I got along.
I didn't die,
I carried on
I went drinking every night
just so I could feel alright.
Stayed in bed all day to feel OK.
I felt OK.

Whilst you were gone I got along.
I didn't die, I carried on.
Oh yeah I went with other women,
what else can I say?
I guess I kind of missed you,
whilst you were away.
Whilst you were gone.
(stop)'

- pulp

[mindphone]

'Brutality is needed in capitalist society
Television abandoned my very entity
Nature failed me
But then it made me
We all pray for pluralist babies

Cosmetic - polemic
Distinguished by relics
Destructive aesthetic
Intravenous agnostic'

- the manic street preachers




(sorry bout' the music quote double post...i think i did it once before w/ radiohead followed by beck....anyhow, i normally don't like to, prefer to intersperse my own things in between quotes, but sometimes i'll be listening to a song and the urge will strike me to post up the lyrics as i think they are wonderful....when the mood strikes me i can't stop myself;) )

[mindphone]

niceties to call my own; another failure - meched with particles and ceramic tile.
welcome to our lovely home, marvel at the pretty paintings on the wall.
success bought us this. something you do not know about.
out the window, there is the garden. blood payed for that.
it feels good to die in the noon sun.

[mindphone]

i'm jealous of all we know -
jealous of all we have: but you are not paying attention. paying attention to this delayed sermon, a mere whisper in the ears of gods.
look into the mirror......just torn reveries and venial sin

[mindphone]

you're all a bunch of fucking slaves.

[mindphone]

shit. 'nother grad party last night. stole beer, lost sandals. serves me right. sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin sin. ow. stomach. on my second bottle of lime gatorade of the morning. so dehydrated

[mindphone]

this is the hundreth post in the now infamous 'run fly sink' so figure, since i don't write anything worthwhile myself, i'd leave you all with some lyrics that i adore (take one guess who they are by before reading them....im so predictable). peace + love to all fellow wotists. you guys are great.


the breath of the morning
i keep forgetting
the smell of the warm summer air
i live in a town where you can't smell a thing
you watch your feet for cracks in the pavement
up above aliens hover making home movies for the folks back home
of all these weird creatures who lock up their spirits
drill holes in themselves and live for their secrets

they're all uptight

i wish that they'd swoop down in the country lane
late at night when i'm driving
take me onboard their beautiful ship
show me the weird world as i'd love to see it
i'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me
they'd think that i'd finally lost it completely
i'd show them the stars and the meaning of life
they'd shut me away
but i'll be all right
i'm all right

I'm just uptight

-radiohead

(i love that song. such a touching, funny commentary on humanity.....i swear, by the time i'm done here you are all going to know the whole radiohead catalogue off by heart ;) )

[mindphone]

i hope you choke on your false humanity, fucking pseudo-intellectual.
fascist. miscreant. corporate whore.
death is tailored for the poor. the rest of us carry on breathing, finding new ways to live forever

[mindphone]

'people inside me, you're asking me to smoke up city hall
cause no one here is talking.
people inside me, you're asking me to blow up city hall
cause no one here is rocking.
people inside me, you're asking me to blow up city hall
cause everyone is everyone is rock 'em sock em' robots'

-tenacious d

that makes me giggle everytime i hear it. that's right i fucking GIGGLE. damn everyone to hell. :mad:

[mindphone]

while the martyrs run for the sea,
the villages burn like effegies.

while the prophets run for the sea,
black smoke drifts over the trees.

while my love runs for the sea,
i close myself off to her pleas.

[mindphone]

proper men do not say grace
they sink into property and nonsense.
this is right.
babies red; look around for christian ideals,
cling to them.

[mindphone]

'the car is on fire and there is no driver at the wheel.
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides,
and a dark wind blows.

the government is corrupt and we're on so many drugs with the radio on and the curtains drawn.

we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death.

the sun has fallen down and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead - at the top of their poles.

it went like this:
the buildings toppled in on themselves,
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair.

the skyline was beautiful on fire - all twisted metal stretching upwards.
everything washed in a thin orange haze.

i said, 'kiss me, you're beautiful. these are truly the last days'
you grabbed my hand and we fell into it, like a daydream or a fever.

we woke up one morning and had fallen a little further down, for sure it's the valley of death.

i open up my wallet and it's full of blood.'

-speaker unknown (spoken word excerpt from 'the dead flag blues' by godspeed you black emperor')


christ, but isn't that remarkable? it almost makes me cry everytime i hear it. what a horrid world we live in.

[mindphone]

'Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers...choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind- numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life...But why would I want to do a thing like that?

- mark renton (from the novel 'trainspotting' by irvine welsh)

[mindphone]

:(
spent all last night drinking very strong cesears. am paying for it now. someone give me relief!

[mindphone]

it would be nice
to be good for someone
just for a day.
we all have dreams
that never
come true

[mindphone]

twisting / turning -
i rip you from your womb.
don't speak
don't think
don't listen
just watch nightmares
replay over and over and over....
on a screen in the back of your head.

[mindphone]

ok children, gather 'round. oliver is going to explode about something: the state of modern music.

considering that one the things to do in this section is rant, i have not done my share of ranting. perhaps this is because i am a pretty passive guy. but not on this topic. when it comes to music that we are all subjected to on a daily basis i am angry.

let me start off by saying that i don't know how music got to the state it did. i'm not going to try to find an answer to that. what i am going to do is gripe about very bad music that everyone seems to be listening to.

so you turn on your radio in the morning, one the way to work or school, and here the same old bullshit bands/artists. put on an alt. rock station and what do you get? creed, nickelback, default, puddle of mudd etc. a slew of talentless bands who have no musical abilities and try oh so hard, with horrid results, to imitate eddie vedder. turn on a rap/dance station and what do you get? nelly, kylie minogue, various artists off ca$h money etc. performers who sing about nothing and do not even right their own songs, or do the backing beats or music. country radio is not even worth listening to as valid, artistically credible country died 25 years ago. now all there is is performers like alan jackson, garth brooks and shania twain who disgustingly meld country with pop. fuck that.

i'm now going to go through each distinct musical brand these days and tell you why exactly it is horrid:

emo - a newer, and shittier, type of music to appear in the last little while. emo is as much music as it is a trend. emo kids are those little idiots who wear square glasses (like rivers from weezer) and cut off tube socks on their arms and think they have some bizzarely perverted version of cred. they do not even had that. the emo music scene is populated by bands / artists such as saves the day, dashboard confessional, ozma, the get up kids and bright eyes. this music is distinctive as much of it blends shite punk (which i will get to in a bit) with emotional lyrics about losing your girlfriend or not having people to hang out with. gimme a fucking break. now i know why so many loser 15 year olds listen to this. the music does not sound right, the lyrics are basic (and not in a good way) and the bands dress like science geeks for no particular reason. what also burns me is labelling all this crap that has come out under the guise of 'emo' is not even a correct label. the name emo stems from 'emotional hardcore' a type of music that emerged in the late 80s and was exactly what it said it was: hardcore music filled with emotional, usually very angry, lyrics. well this new stuff may be emotional (in a very inarticulated way) but it is by no means hardcore. all these stupid kids out there who go on about 'emo' are showing their own stupidity and general ignorance of music by calling it that.

punk - i'm a big fan of punk. but not the punk you hear these days. i'm talking about the real punk: the sex pistols, the ramones, the sonics, early Joy Division material etc. not this shadow of punk that comes out these days. last year, i went to warped tour with a friend as he had offered me a free ticket. i was subsequently blown away by the utter shittiness of the bands that played. rancid, who was one of the only modern punk acts i had credit for, played possibly one of the worst live sets i have ever seen. i was then subjected to a whole slew of modern punk acts that posess absolutely no ability: pennywise, less than jake, the ataris, sum 41. sum 41 should not have even been there because they are not even what punk is considered today as much as they are pop music. honestly kids, if you wanna be a cool anarchist and listen to music that says 'fuck the man' then go back 20 years to the birth of the manchester scene in england and find some bands there. that is potent punk music. all the stuff that comes out today in the punk genre is tired and shows a lack of willingness to progress (even though the music talks about need for change in all aspects of society) and is quite stagnant. the only credit i will give modern punk is that some of it makes me chuckle due to amusing lyrics. other than that, it is weak and worn-out. the reason punk music was so cool back in the day is because the artists doing it were breaking barriers and shaking things up. almost thirty years after the sex pistols played their first show, it sounds like whining.

FM radio cock-rock - oh boy, this is possibly the worst thing happening today. it seems like everywhere you go you are assaulted by these eddie vedder wannabes singing about absolutely nothing to a simplistic power-chord backing. now i love pearl jam and always have but that is because they have variety in their music and the lyrics are always very well written. but now we have bands like creed, lead public enemy no.1 scott stapp, who write the same song 40 times and release it as three seperate albums. christ, i could write a creed song in my sleep - BECAUSE THEY ARE VAGUE AND GENERALLY ABOUT NOTHING! on the tails of creed, came nickelback and default - two groups and i'm utterly ashamed to admit come from the same country as i. these bands, who are aimed at retarded high school boys and men with a below average intelligence, sell millions of albums just because so many people are too fucking musically ignorant to actually have a discerning taste or really listen to what they are listening to. we also have puddle of mudd. they were organized and produced by fred durst, enough said. i figured that after the horrid rap-rock trend (limp bizkit, korn, slipknot, disturbed) died off we might be able to finally see the light when it comes to popular alternative rock. no dice. instead, the rap rock was replaced with the above mentioned bands. fuck.

rap/dance - this a particularily sad spot. in rap music these days all you hear about is money, hoes and posessions. this defeats the whole reason rap came into being in the first place: to address the social and political concerns of black musicians. now all you hear is people like nelly spouting off things like 'it's getting hot in here so take off all your clothese'. what the fuck is that all about? popular rap music casts a bad light on black artists in general because to those who only see whats on MTV and hear whats on the radio it seems like all they are concerned about is superficial things. the beats backing the music have also gone downhill. back in the 80s and early 90s, rap djs took pride in constructing clever backing music for the artist. now it is trendy, studio produced run-of-the mill sounds. dance music is also quite horrid. there are viable artists out there who actually look at electronic music as an art. but the popular stuff is usually thrown together music with a catchy beat and riff and a girl singing about nothing particular. this truly is a disgrace not only because it subjects all of us to the likes of alice deejay, kylie minogue and darude but because those who produce dance records of quality are dismissed straight up.

now there are countless bands and artists that i abhor with a passion that have not been mentioned in here but i think it would be quite obvious to who most of those are. just turn on your tv or radio and you'll see/hear them.

the worst thing about all this is that it does not have to be this way. there are countless musicians out there who still take time and effort to write inspired lyrics and provide fitting backing music for them. there are still groups that give a fuck about what they give to the public rather than just selling-out and compromising their sound because it moves records.

now from the looks of it, the horrible music we hear everyday is just going to continue getting worse and more commercialized so the only advice i can suggest to you that have some sort of real appreciation for music beyond wanting to hear ear candy is to take a bit more time and effort and find those bands that still are creating albums that are inspired, beautiful and uncompormised.

here is a partial list of some current bands that still have managed to retain artisitc credibility and put out solid pieces of art:

radiohead, pulp, godspeed you black emperor, mogwai, gomez, do make say think, the dears, a silver mt.zion, the libertines (for all you punk fans out there, these guys are what punk should sound like), beck, i mother earth, ween, orbital, underworld, tricky, portishead, massive attack, kula shaker, tori amos, pj harvey, queens of the stone age, at the drive-in, sparta, the mars volta, chixdiggit, explosions in the sky, sloan, thrush hermit, hayden, belle and sebastian, kent, the dandy warhols, folk implosion, gorky's zygotic mynci, the shins, mum, air, ash, bjork, clinic, matmos, squarepusher, aphex twin, boards of canada, sebadoh, solex, deftones, nine inch nails, the white stripes, ben folds five, the beta band, electric soft parade, interpol, modest mouse (despite being labelled emo, which they are most definately not!), ocean colour scene, the flaming lips, tool, cypress hill, jurassic 5, blackalicious, the roots, slum village, roni size, blur, saukrates, cinematic orchestra, kid koala, unkle, doves, manic street preachers, sigur ros, the datsuns, the mooney suzuki, pearl jam, chemical brothers, and you will know us by the trail of dead

so you see, there are plenty of good bands and artists out there - you just have to find them. music is a very important thing, kids, so when it comes to it don't be a fucking drone and just listen to what the big four record conglomerates tell you to! think for yourself, open up to new things!

[/rant]

[mindphone]

good weekend. didn't have to work on friday night so on thursday, after getting an unexpected phone call from my friend mal (who lives in l.a), myself and associate brad drank a 40 of vodka (well, almost) and played some video games. very relaxed evening. friday night we all went to this pimp and hoe party being held by a few university girls we know. it was great, none of the guys were really dressed up like pimps but pretty much every girl there was dressed as a hoe! they even had a bowl of condoms and porn playing on the tv. drinking occured and hilarity ensued. needless to say, it the best time i've had in a good while. so many hot women!......i slept off a hangover yesterday and then went over to brads as he was holding a little shingdig at his place. it was alright, but no pimp and hoe party. got home at around 2am and passed the fuck out. now its 7 and i have magically awakened. today, methinks, i will just take it easy: rest, read, watch a movie. not really in the mood for doing much else.

[mindphone]

crumbling silhouettes:
of faded stars
of decaying spires
of corporate czars
of beauty in the afterglow

[mindphone]

Red wine and sleeping pills
Help me get back to your arms
Cheap sex and sad films
Help me get back where I belong

I think you're crazy, maybe
I think you're crazy, maybe

Stop sending letters
Letters always get burned
It's not like the movies
They fed us on little white lies

I think you're crazy, maybe
I think you're crazy, maybe

I will see you in the next life

-radiohead

[mindphone]

REFLECTIONS FORUM = ME BEING PROUD OF NIGHTFAIRY FOR HER WORK
there you are nf, you've just recieved the only nod a board member will ever get in run fly sink. :)

[mindphone]

i went to this concert knowing that sigur ros, a wonderful band from iceland, are touted as one of the best acts in the world. i should have put more weight on that opinion. for two solid hours i was constantly having my mind destroyed and then put back together by this band. i feel dirty even trying to describe the expierience in words. they had a string section with them and everything. dizzying highs, beautiful lows. fuck. i could go on for hours and hours but i dont even think that would do a justice to last night's expierience. peace + love

[mindphone]

'we all know you're soft cause we've all seen you dancing,
we all know you're hard cause we've all seen you drinking from noon until noon again'

-belle and sebastian

[mindphone]

something is seriously wrong with me. i just feel wrong in general. can't think of much to write in here, which is off. bye bye.

[mindphone]

there were no more hollywood love songs -
only ashes in the wind.
and victory was death
like castrated dogs of war

i stared into the sky for a moment
but nothing stared back.
pebbles through molasses,
lives unlived.

we woke that morning with an
enormous sense of well-being.
tricked, you and i
there was no other way to put it

kicking the stones
that never kick me.
paving the parks
for children to scrape themselves upon

and in the end we just hummed
and after the fall we just lied.
and in the end we just laughed
and after the fall dreams died.

[mindphone]

why things started coming apart i'm not all that sure. it probably had something to do with all the drugs i was doing at the time. probably. whatever the reason, we were drifting further and further from eachother.

i could remember back to a time when her and i were close, very close. we'd share everything. we acted almost as one. those were nice times. i still look back on them fondly.

but somewhere along the line the alienation started. i think it began around the fall, but i'm not sure. after awhile it just felt natural. we'd do things to upset eachother, just for the sake of it. favour other people, break plans at the last moment, not return calls. she and i, we were both guilty of it. when it was going on i really didn't see how it was corroding what we had been.

at the end of the year i started taking a lot of drugs. i was also drinking too much, but i always have so i doubt that had much of an effect on anything. i remember becoming less and less responsive to her. there came a point when i was too involved with my drug life to even bother trying to agitate her anymore. she still did it to me, i guess i should have taken it as a sign that she still cared. but issues are never as clear at the time they happen as they are long after, when you've had time to reflect.

she started seeing me as more and more of a lost cause, at least i think she did, and her efforts grew weaker. mine, as i have said, were non-existent at that point. i simply did not care. i remember the death of it all quite well. even though i was generally high around the clock by then it still strikes me as a moment of clarity:

it was a friday night. i had plans with other people. all week we had bearly spoken a word to eachother. i figured that she was just going to stay home and mope that night. i was wrong though and on friday afternoon she sucked up her pride, meekly asking me if i wanted to do something. i told her that i didn't care either way. she looked hurt, but i guess she took it as a yes. so that evening i was sitting in my kitchen when i saw a car pull into my driveway. it was her. thankfully, i had a couple others with me because dialogue between her and i was choppy. when everyone had gotten to my place we chose which vehicle was going to be used to go to our destination, some bar i think, and went outside to leave. as i walked towards the road i felt a tug on my shoulder. it was her. she looked sad, ruined. i asked her what she wanted. she broke down. started crying. i felt embarassed, idiotic. thinking about it now, i don't think i should have - but that's only hindsight. at the moment it happened, i did. i motioned the rest of the group to go on there way, said that we would catch up to them later. they all nodded with passive acceptance, knowing the situation that had arisen between the two of us. after their leaving she and i sat down on my porch, her still crying. she opened up completely, telling me about all the problems she had been having with school, family, friends. everything. i eeked my way through the conversation, nodding and listening. not saying much. then she brought up us, told me that she was sick of all the garbage that had been going on (it had been for months by this point). said she wanted things to be the way they used to be. said that she had been unhappy and alone since our parting ways. i did not have much to say. one side of me felt devastated, like everything was trying to flood out. the other side was numb, flood gates, holding what i felt in. my solution to this was to move right beside her and hold her as she cryed. we sat like that for a long time. just holding eachother. it felt so right yet was the saddest moment of my life. neither of us ended up going out that night, just sitting on my porch together. it was the end but we wanted to stretch it as long as possible.

after that things fizzled. there was no more mindgames, not even any animosity. there was just nothing. i think we both felt the same pain each time we saw eachother. the next summer, i did not talk to her once and avoided situations where i knew i might see her. just before school started again we had a chance encounter, i tried to act casual and friendly but she wanted to talk. we went for a drive in her van, her attempting to make things right again. it was like trying to patch up a sunken boat.

i haven't seen her in months now, though i still think about her on an almost daily basis. she is still at school while i work, some of my friends who have classes with her say she enquires into my well-being from time to time. i ask the same about her.

i think the feelings are still there for both of us but they have been so utterly warped and twisted that a reconcilliation is inconcievable.

so now i just think about the long while we had together where we were perfect, that is all that remains between us.

[mindphone]

go and buy the album 'peasants, pigs and astronauts' by kula shaker...pure gold

[mindphone]

bbbbbllood of the poor mistrusting fraud whores fuck the poor fuck the poor.filth. smile for the hjackalscome for you come for you come for you
we words
and symbols
and books
and zeros
walk the walkreading the proper magazines the right time forconsumer waste.die at speed.
wording for
wordless
baskinthe emptiness thatIS you.
fuck the poor
fuck the poor fuck the poor
feed my fat RICh face. for now for never.
ipay for your ddeaths. daily basis.
pick in the waste. stgep on the syringes that infeCt you with our poisons. IGNOrAnts.

the way we live. the way all should be forever: profit before humanity

[mindphone]

aw mang, never trust a 1.5 litre bottle of wine that costs $11. *throws-up*

[mindphone]

let it come down

[mindphone]

playlist:

the libertines - death on the stairs
the dandy warhols - sleep
sigur ros - ny batteri
i mother earth - levitate
godspeed you black emperor! - the dead flag blues
blur - on your own
the shins - your algebra
transistor sound and lighting co. - fake away
the rapture - dusk at maureens
james - born of frustration
sigur ros - 3
mogwai - like herod (alec empire remix)
the hives - here we go again
pulp - david's last summer
beck - guess i'm doing fine
pearl jam - i am mine
belle and sebastian - the boy with the arab strap

[mindphone]

please kill me
aw baby, don't kill me

[mindphone]

if you'd been a dog
they would have drowned you at birth
knives out
catch the mouse
squash his head
put him in the pot
so knives out
catch the mouse
don't look down
shove it in yer mouth
i want you to know
he's not coming back
look into my eyes
its the only way you'll know i'm telling the truth

-radiohead

[mindphone]

i have a date tonight with a university girl in the city i work with. rather excited/nervous. say a little non-denominational prayer for me

[mindphone]

it's not right for young lungs to be coughing up blood.

[mindphone]

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.

The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.

Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers/brothers.

- tool

[mindphone]

i wanted to write something hopeful/happy/optimistic in here. i mean, looking over the entire thread it seems like everything i do is fairly morbid. fuck.
i also wanted to write something a little less vague. a bit more guided.
well neither of those things were happening. my expressions in run fly sink are my truth and i realized that trying to force myself into writing things that didn't inspire me was a self-defeating practice. i have no desire to be fake - and writing flowerly, happy things would be. i'm a generally pleasant person in real life, but my writings help me to get out things that affect my psyche in a negative way.
i cannot do more or less than i already have.
sorry for the inconvience.

[mindphone]

skeletons
sketches
courtyard
life is not a burden anyone should bear.

satisfy me.

fill me.

i need more
for myself

i want you to know this:
i am a bad person and i am manipulating you for personal gain.

[mindphone]

......i sat back with a look of idle amusement on my face as the tanks rolled into town. mothers clutched screaming babies and buildings crumbled. it was nothing new.
the generals, followed by their soldiers, marched through the main square the following day. triumphant. it was nothing new.
flags + propaganda + execution.
we learn to live with the conditions we are given. one government or another - the same oppression under different guises. speak against and be villified.
revolution you say? nah, devolution is a more apt title.
fresh ground has not been broken, it has been rotten for ages.
new concrete swapped for old.
fall down and rebuild.
liberalism, conservatism, socialism, communism, fascism, nihlism. - give greed whatever name you wish if it helps you sleep at night.

[mindphone]

blessed
this visionized sketch of war crime can't rest
across frequencies east to west
raw adrenaline, just tapped the vein
mainline resistance
meditate
maintain

- zack de la rocha

[mindphone]

stars over the mango groves
in the dark down the road.

[mindphone]

'u.x.o. is unexploded ordnance is landmines is cluster bombs. yanqui is post-colonial imperialism is international police state is multinational corporate oligarchy.'

- from the godspeed you black emperor website

[mindphone]

never.

http://www.cstrecords.com/img/godspeed/mapofevilinvert.jpg

[mindphone]

my mouth was filled with dirt. my ass hurt something fierce. my head was spinning. i heard jeb's voice buzzing from about 50 yards off. i think it was 50 yards off but my perceptions were a bit skewed from the tumble. had to be a mild concusion.
i tried to get onto my feet but stumbled and fell back down to the hard desert floor - at that moment i knew it was time to shoot my damned horse.
somewhere up ahead, the horse whinied. i removed my revolver from it's holster, wiped the dust from my eyes and took aim. walking the rest of the way would content me just fine

[mindphone]

write something worthwhile will you? honestly.

trying to see something that stimulates me. don't want to. need to.

we all die in good graces.






shaking dead animal. you're right fucked. i tried to love, you pushed away. probably for the best - didn't know what love was anyhow. cold and calulating world, you've fucked me once again. smile. more clever than i can ever hope to be.


like i said, stimulate me. i don't want to be the most interesting around here. no need to hear what you wore today. commercial drones.

[mindphone]

somewhere down the line it is going to hit, like a neutron bomb, that you are worthless. that what is said means nothing. that you are born, that you will live, that you will die. no one else will care - just keep walking down the streets, underneath the skyscrapers that rule us all. ha ha, repeating myself? good, should be known. should be known and i know you are reading this. i feel you. i watch you. a code in a computer in a machine in a dream - is all you are little girl.

[mindphone]

1 bottle of johnny walker red label scotch whiskey
+
1 group of friends
+
1 strip club
+
5 pitchers of beer
=
hell on earth the next day

[mindphone]

you xylo
you si
you nowting
you xylo

*cue violin bow guitar shred / sexy foreign string section*

yes emily, the acoustics were a marvel.....

[mindphone]

backwards floating monastry love
monogmy is a joke that the weak take comfort in.
tis my right to marry my grandmother/mother/sister/brother/father
inbred until our limbs come off.

[mindphone]

get me away from here, i'm dying. just drag me over to the bench on the beach. you know, the one over by the children's playground used to be. it's gone now. no children. no security. but who cares? as i said before, i'm dying....and i would like to die somewhere as empty as me

[mindphone]

tcu ruoy nhda no hte serehmtsoa

[mindphone]

world has lost it's head - all prophets dead

[mindphone]

i think there was a piano-player. yes, that sounds about right. the hall was large and very opulant. all around couples swooned in each others arms. it was a scene that needed to be taken in in doses.
otherwise could lose themself.
much to my chagrin, another guest eyed me from the left corner of the hall. i was certain i had seen him before. somewhere. company party? board meeting? something of that nature.
the man didn't look to pleased to have his gaze attached to me, yet it did not waver.
i had the overwhelming feeling that i needed to speak with this person. although, as he did not want to look at me, i did not want to speak to him. our interaction seemed inevitable though so i took my martini in left hand and worked my through the dancers.
as i journeyed closer he kept his eyes locked right on me. it was unsettling and fascinating.
i finally reached him and we appraised one another for a few short moments. he really was of no spectacular stock - dressed in business casual, short brown hair, unmemorable face. looked like some low level systems analyst really.

so what is it you want from me? i asked of the fellow.

he stayed focused on me, i need to steal your company but i have neither the proper sway with your board nor any power within the multinational business community.

i chuckled, my dear man, you certainly do have a sense of humour. my kind of person. do you work for [insert name of my company here]?

no, but would like to own it. i have come up with a solution for my problem

with this, he pulled out an unremarkable fountain pen, slowly unscrewed the cap, grabbed the back of my head in one fluid motion (so he had a good grasp on my thinning hair) and thrust the tip of the writing utensil through my left eye. i felt it pierce my brain.

at first i heard gasps from startled dancers. then laughter. then clapping. i lay on the ground, critically wounded by a fountain pen, and faded away.

and that, my friends, is how my three billion dollar business, as well as my own life, was taken from me.

[mindphone]

Images of perfection, suntan and napalm
Grenada - Haiti - Poland - Nicaragua
Who shall we choose for our morality
I'm thinking right now of Hollywood tragedy

Big mac: smack: phoenix r: please smile y'all
Cuba, Mexico can't cauterize our discipline
Your idols speak so much of the abyss
Yet your morals only run as deep as the surface

Cool - groovy - morning - fine
Tipper Gore was a friend of mine
I love a free country
The stars and stripes and an apple for mommy

Conservative say there ain't no black in the union jack
Democrat say there ain't enough white in the stars and stripes

Compton - Harlem - a pimp fucked a priest
The white man has just found a new moral saviour
Vital stats - how white was their skin
Unimportant - just another inner-city drive-by thing

Morning - fine - serve your first coffee of the day
Real privilege, it will take your problems all away
Number one - the best - no excuse from me
I am here to serve the moral majority

Cool - groovy - morning - fine
Tipper Gore was a friend of mine
I love a free country
The stars and stripes and an apple for mommy

Zapruder the first to masturbate
The world's first taste of crucified grace
And we say there's not enough black in the union jack
And we say there's too much white in the stars and stripes

Fuck the Brady bill
Fuck the Brady bill
If God made man they say
Sam Colt made him equal

- the manic street preachers

[mindphone]

true communication is fading away. i notice my habits and every month there seems to be some new way for me to avoid talking to people in person, even making voice contact with them at all. sad but true.
i remember not to long ago, when i was a young child, there were two common ways to get in touch with an associate: 1.) being the phone and 2.) being to simply show up at someone's home.
thinking on it, i rather liked that.
these days, i do not get any surprise visits from my friends (which i rather enjoy actually).....there is always proper notification via a text message on my cell phone, email, an IM etc.
i even find that i use the phone less and less. the phone, while not being as human as an actual in the flesh meeting still works somewhat to convey human expression.
but now i use stupid little 'emoticons' like :) or ;) to get across the meaning of my words. rather sad.
there is a lot of talk that says the world wide web has brought us all closer together, and i guess in a lot of ways it has - i certainly would not have met the assorted bunch of folks from around the world that i have if not for it, but in other more serious ways it has drawn us further apart, mostly affecting our relationships with the ones who mean the most to us. friends, lovers, family. i used to go out for coffee most weeknights to talk about the day with a few close friends - now we all have msn messanger and send eachother inane messages and links to stupid websites. it might not for other people, but for me it breeds a sense of alienation. that i could be out actually taking the whole person in when i am simply sitting in my dark room in the basement shooting off one line sentances back and forth.
technology has distanced us to the point where even cell phones (keyword being PHONE) are text message capable. christ, a phone is meant to talk into. turning it into another version of ICQ is ridiculous.
i buy into this none the less though......there probably is a lot of people like me, feeling rather jaded by societies quick march into electronic segregation, but like me they love the appeal of ease and uncomplicated interaction....like me, have become dependant on it.
i find that i am not even as good in real-life arguments anymore. online i can just block the person when i get sick of arguing with them. it is much harder to stop a fight in the real world.
i dunno, maybe i'm making a really big fuss about nothing...it's just that i think we, including myself, should all make a concerted effort to start dealing with things more effectively in real life and not using technology as an escape (humanity, strangely, seems to use everything as an escape)
there is a real beauty in meeting someone in person and developing a relationship with them through hanging out, dates etc......i see these people who have online relationships and wonder if they are sad that they are missing out on having a boyfriend or girlfriend who is actually around, not just in the chat room or on AIM. true human interaction, as difficult and testing as it can be at times, really is the best thing in life (in my opinion).....trying to stamp it out these days is one the worst things the human race can do to itself.

[mindphone]

sanctimonious dalliances.
red paper blisters.
dogs in the courtyard by the bay.
mice in the home of an orphan's parents.

[mindphone]

69- delete yourself. ressurect.

70- i'm over. i've been fooling myself for so long.

71- a meeting with a one-night stand, randomly on the corner. uncomfortable but
necassary.

72- vent frustration upon...

73- dont worry. i dont shop here.

74- what a sordid little mess. flights of stairs, wolf in sheep's clothing.

75- beautiful tantrum, beautiful trouble.

76- zombies never lie. we live to consume.

77- no cheating, no deceit. in wait. forced entry.

78- the woman at the checkout gives you a cautious glance.

79- walking on the bottom of the ocean. cement on feet.

80- quiet. quiet. quiet. noise noise.

81- my best clothes are yours.

82- so good to see you.

83- if life was a person i would key it's car.

84- the best will be first and last.

85- KJZ

86- riddled with patches of ugliness. unravels itself. night, cobra.

87- the idea that your body is made up of anything but matter.

88- pinned to a cross. living as a crucifix.

89- yes. go my way.

90- natural selection. feed on the weak, gain strength.

91- she has sold you your first home. what a lovely realator. she
will recieve between a 7 and 10 percent cut of the profits. good for her.

92- we'll all come clean. washed by the white noise.

93- moving towards oblivion.

94- the world may end. who cares? we'll be dead when it happens.

95- hedonism: practice makes perfect. indulgence.

96- an open ear is a normal ear.

97- mask in hand. smoke spilling from chimneys. sitting in a palace.
sending every dollar back to the source.

98- walking around a corner. slipping past the equator.

99- she has a kindly disposition.

100- this is what simple means

101- moving below the surface. waiting to break free.

102- search for: "water". cannot find: "water"

103- ripping, tearing, burning. like pages of a banned book.

104- House Is Burning! Quickly, Geoffrey, get the children and the
missus.

105- I'll make my own way out.

[mindphone]

pull the tap
just a tad
(gypsy haircut)
there's no atmosphere
(a bearskin rug, the tambourines)
dig a tunnel through the mountain (black piano on the mountain)
how many the atmospheres are out there
(there's a broken bottle...in the tunnel)
there's a tunnel from there to here
cut your hand on the atmosphere
split in two
bandaids on your hand
split the atmosphere
split in two
staring at you

- beck

[mindphone]

For reasons too dull or humiliating to go into, I ended up blah blah blah. Single again, embittered or whatever. I once had a passable future but it had evaded me, or blah blah blah, with the dusty streets and the bars without clocks and the blah fucking piss off blah blah.
One of the days, I was just sitting watching the tumbleweed and the little tornadoes of dust on the road outside. A removal lorry pulled up and big men began carrying large articles of furniture shrouded in blankets up the steps to the empty house opposite my block. The people or the blah blah blah, but it wasnt for about a week until I realised that they were watching me. I can't continue with this.
give it to me straight.
I am living quietly, zombie public limited company move in over the road, the workers look at us with hungry eyes, we lock the doors but to no avail, they get in, they eat our brains, we are reborn as zombies, slaves to the company, but it turns out not so bad, being a zombie is ok, but really we want to be free or something.
i like your pitch. it's an interesting metaphor. we'll put a package together. create a buzz. we could be talking telephone numbers.
[HEADS EXPLODE. BLOOD SPLATTERS EVERYWHERE. CUT TO: MTV]

that would be another excerpt from stanley donwood (www.slowlydownward.com) whom, as i have said before, i adore.

he makes me feel more normal/less alienated.

[mindphone]

last time she felt whole to me. the hypnotism of self-help books. dread in the night. fan nightmares. 'no caffinated beverages. aggravate side effects, mr. charbonneau. we can't have that. i know this. i know this because i am a certified christian pyschotherapist.' i write books about faith and battling chemical inbalances with more chemicals. drive me away quicker, mom. the office closes at 4. fuck my hypochrondria, forget the fears. i only long for the white slip so i can go into the liqour store, out with my friends and forget myself. white powder was nothing i ever wanted to be. terror was a catalyst, bringing on the breaking. oh how i needed to keep it to myself! i like pretending to be strong. having sustained well-being on pleasant fisades for so long i have forgetten there were other options. this brings up back to the christian doctor, whose office was conviently situated in a giant gospel breeding school. they had satellite dishes and pretty secretaries. they broadcast three days a week. collection plates filling like mass graves. but that is irrelevent. at least i think it is. can't worry about other wrongs and forget ones own can we?
dr. mullen talked in rapid tones, never looking me in the eye. i explained my insecurities. what i never told anyone else. certainly i did not want to reveal these issues to a man who had authored a book on depression called, 'why do i feel so down when my faith should bring me up?' / / / / / / / / / creepy motherfucker. but drug compelled the mind and words came out, marching as armies do when they go off to battle:
confident and proud
in reality i am neither of those things.*


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*this anecdote has been non-linear. yes, it was based on real events that occured - not long ago. short while has passed. their consequence has sunk in though. now i understand what the implications of the situation were,
and being left powerless think it best not to go on.

[mindphone]

http://brainwashed.com/godspeed/images/faultyschematics.jpg


there will be terror under this day of night
there will be a song of jubilee waiting for your king
there will be nothing you will be looking for in this world
except for your god
this is all a dream
a dream in death

- godspeed you black emperor

[mindphone]

sorry, i'm in a quoting mood lately people. but i have been writing increasingly enigmatic, long-winded things to make up for it.....so fair dice ;)

there's too many people,
you used to know
you see see them coming,
you see them go.
they know your secrets,
and you know theirs.
this town is crazy,
and nobody cares.

baby, i'm a lost.....
baby, i'm a lost.....
baby, i'm a lost cause.

i'm tired of fighting
tired of fighting
fighting for a lost cause

- beck

i love that song....sums up a couple relationships i've had.

[mindphone]

insomnia -