Any writers in here?

[Tayhlon]

Anybody else here do any writing? Fanfiction, original work, poems, or anything else (aside from these posts or e-mail)? I've dabbled a bit in some original fiction (one fantasy and one sci-fi) and an occasional poem (actually, just one and it was inspired by Discworld).

My stuff is alright I guess, but stills needs work.

-The preceding message was brought to you by a frustrated college student (evil creative writing class! no more poems!!!!)

[Mike]

Now why dont you sent us some of your stuff and give us a push to set up a fan fiction thing besides the poems?!

[Evil_Wild_One]

I'm positively convinced that we need to discover 36 hour days, where you still only work the same amount people already do, and only need sleep as much as you already do. Then there would be time to do everything. ^^;;; I love to write and draw, and have several works in progress (though how much progress they're actually making is highly debatable), including an original fantasy/sci-fi comic book.

[Tayhlon]

The closest thing I've done to WoT fan fiction would be my WoT rpg character's background. I don't know that it would be all that entertaining, although I tried to make it as cool as possible (i.e. his father was taken to the White Tower and gentled, then died not long after).

My writing has mainly focussed on original works, and I don't think that either of my original works (still in progress) would be suitable for this forum. Although I am kind of thinking about doing a fan fic based on our adventure so far (young Emond's Fielder meets Ogier on street and faints, while Tairen noble takes it in stride).

We'll see what time and my schedule allows for.

[Knight]

I've written a lyrical concept album that is going to be over two hours long with the music. It's almost like a musical, but not quite. Apart from that I've written several other individual songs and a couple of articles for an Internet site. Then there's my novel of course, which is not yet finished, but I've been working on it for seven years with long pauses in between as I've had my studies to do and some other work etc. It's an SF story taking place in an imaginary world of this universe at the present time. This has meant that I've needed to create that world with its history, culture, language, science, and basically everything. That's been such a big task that I haven't actually started on the story itself yet. But I'll get to it eventually. The story is an interesting one, even if I'm the one saying that; you'll see. ;) Btw, I'm a Finn, but I'm writing in English (except for a couple of those articles).

[Mike]

Sounds very interesting, Knight.
Do you have samples you can share with us? For the music, the articles (umm, for the Finns out here I guess) and the story as it unfolds :)
And what are your plans with these masterpieces? Did anyone ever look at them besides you?

[Knight]

The concept album has been read by a professional editor (my college English teacher) and also by a professional Finnish writer as well as many of my co-eds. I also read it aloud at our Campus' Art Night that's held every Monday evening at the Cafeteria. All the feedback has been positive.

The novel is and will still remain for a yet undetermined period of time closed to the public. It's still too early to show any of my writing on that. I've only finished the history of the three first millenia (of eight), the almanac, and some rudimentary vocabulary so far. And some characters and start settings, of course, since here needs to be some kind of present from where to write the history. But the main story has been in my mind for over ten years, and I know the last scene of the last book..hey, didn't somebody else say this? :)

[Tayhlon]

Okay, here's a poem at least:

Perpetuality

Days without end
Feed the endless cycle
Like a wheel spinning
No purchase
No grip
No life
The mind numbing sanity
Shatters all
Hopes and dreams
Leaving nothing
But emptiness

How's that? ;)

[Knight]

I decided to post one song from the concept album I mentioned above. This one is track number 3 and is called In the Night. Because the whole album tells one story, you won't really understand what is going on here without the rest, but it tells something about the story anyway. This is also copyrighted by me, so don't steal it. It'd be nice to hear any feedback.


IN THE NIGHT

Walking in the night
Thinking about my life
What has happened in the past?
What will I stumble upon?

This dark forest so soothing
My crazed mind looking for release
Confusion, no clarity in my path
Is there a tomorrow?

Nobody in this empty forest
Thick trees all around me
Foliage so dense
No sound permeates my ear

Stumble to a clearing
Can't see much
Laying on the grass
Stare at the night sky

Stars of every color
Blinking brightly
Moon a sliver of its fullness
Shining weakly, illuminating little

I drift to a restless slumber
Nightmares haunting my dreams
Will I ever wake?

Startled by a howl in the distance
Was it real or just a dream?
Holding my breath, sitting on the grass
Eyes searching for calamity

Fear rising deep in my belly
Want to get away
Too frightened to move
Is this the end? (Here in the night)

No guarantee of safety
I gather the last shred of courage
Running away, not caring 'bout the noise I make
The feel of something behind me
Terrifying me, paralyzing my feet
I make myself go on
Don't dare to stop now
Out of breath I reach the road

Safe at home now (Am I?)
Locked the doors
Shut the windows
Every light on
Shivering in the corner
Fear still in my eyes

Want to get out (Can't go on this way)
Friends have deceived me
Can't stand things anymore
Looking for a way out

Who can help me?
Is there no other way of life?
Envying the innocence of my youth
My parents’ death so cruel
"What if I died, too?"

I finally drift off to sleep
Dreaming of things past
Of the hopes and dreams of my youth

[Arawis]

sounds interesting knight :)

i am working on a book but i have not yet finished thinking of the plot so i am just writing what omes to mind then i will edit out the unnecessary parts when its over. im sure i will think of a good ending eventually :) this book also contains a FEMALE character named arawis (yes this is where i got my handle) which i hope will unlock the naïve minds who think the name belongs to a man :D this will most likely take a VERY long time seeing as how there is no clear end in sight and im making up the entire thread as i go. :p

ps: arawis is the bad guy, or i should say bad girl, atleast..ONE of the bad guys...cuz ya know theres arawis and shes SUPPOsed to be working for the bigger bad guy but decides she can go off on her own.......o forget it its hard to explain and im rambling again :cool:

[Sol]

Yo, I be waiting for that there dictionaire
~~~

Y'all wannabe poets and writers,
Lovers and dreamers, parents and fighters?
Find the glories beyond the gory
Blood and flesh and tall-tale story?

Good luck to you and your dreams
And write your stories quick as sin
To earn dimes with your rhymes
And live to worthwhile end.

[nightfairy]

The creative juices are drained
from the veins in the fruit I call pain
I have drowned in the tears of my ink
my hand has gone numb as I sink
into the wonderful blank of it
the fulfilling void of extraction
and afterglow of seething passion
where the artist in me
both addicted and free
has oozed talent until he stank of it.

[Sol]

To Knight: I have some (hopefully constructive) criticism for you.
<i>"This one is track number 3 and is called In the Night. Because the whole album tells one story, you won't really understand what is going on here without the rest..."</i>
From the TOR submissions FAQ, please note that aspiring writers submit the first 3 chapters, because the rest won't make sense out of order. Similarly, I felt that this song does not tell enough of a story to stand by itself, and doesn't make sense. VERY VERY few can make a whole album (quality, mind you) that can tell somewhat of a story. The only band/album that I can think of that does this is Pink Floyd - The Wall. No offense meant, but I do not think that it is a reasonable assumption that you could accomplish a masterpiece like this without lots of previous experience. Also, you should specify what type of song this is (rock, punk, pop, techno, dance, industrial, hip hop, etc). Now, to pick apart the individual stanzas...

<b>IN THE NIGHT</b>

<i>Walking in the night
Thinking about my life
What has happened in the past?
What will I stumble upon?</i>

This whole stanze stumbles, and probably isn't suitable for a hook.

<i>This dark forest so soothing
My crazed mind looking for release
Confusion, no clarity in my path
Is there a tomorrow? </i>

While you can get away with improper English in a song, it requires a poise not evident in the stanza. Try writing proper English.

<i>Nobody in this empty forest</i>
Redundant.
<i>Thick trees all around me
Foliage so dense
No sound permeates my ear</i>

Permeates? NO. There's no sound because the forest is EMPTY, and there's no wind. Don't use the big words like foliage and permeates. Your command of the vernacular may be spectacular, but it is particularily annoying and condesending with this usage.

<i>Stumble to a clearing
Can't see much
Laying on the grass
Stare at the night sky</i>

PROPER ENGLISH PLEASE. Furthermore, there isn't grass in a forest (not in the forests I've been in, anyways), and "clearings" don't really exist... They are a convenience for writers and movies, etc.

<i>Stars of every color
Blinking brightly
Moon a sliver of its fullness
Shining weakly, illuminating little</i>

A) Stars aren't every color.
B) Stars don't blink, they twinkle. Blink is a binary ON/OFF.
C) A "sliver" of the moon is still very bright.
D) The moon doesn't shine weakly; this is a poor expression.
E) Of course the light reflecting from the moon illuminates little; you're in a dark dense forest at night, where there's nothing TO illuminate.

<i>I drift to a restless slumber
Nightmares haunting my dreams
Will I ever wake?</i>

Nightmares don't haunt dreams; nightmares ARE dreams.
Furthermore, no person dreaming (or awake for that matter) asks the question "Will I ever wake?" It's rhetorical, meaning you want the listener to stop and think about it, which is NOT what you want your audience to do at that moment: you want them to finish listening to your song.

<i>Startled by a howl in the distance
Was it real or just a dream?
Holding my breath, sitting on the grass
Eyes searching for calamity </i>

PROPER ENGLISH PLEASE. Eyes don't search for calamity; they search for events or changes that the brain can process as DANGER!!! Use danger, not calamity. I don't care how big your vocabulary is.

<i>Fear rising deep in my belly
Want to get away
Too frightened to move
Is this the end? (Here in the night)</i>

One's belly is not "deep".
Again, remove the rhetorical "Is this the end?".
Furthermore, I know it's the night; please don't think I'm a child who can't remember that it's night.

<i>No guarantee of safety
I gather the last shred of courage
Running away, not caring 'bout the noise I make
The feel of something behind me </i>

No guarantee of danger either. Remember, the forest is EMPTY. Furthermore, if you're too frightened to move, you can't be running away, and if you're holding your breath, you obviously DO care ABOUT (USE ABOUT you lazy writer!!) making noise.

<I>Terrifying me, paralyzing my feet
I make myself go on
Don't dare to stop now
Out of breath I reach the road</I>

ARGGG!!! Going on with paralyzed feet? Out of breath while holding breath??? And where the fuck did the road come from?

<I>Safe at home now (Am I?)
Locked the doors
Shut the windows
Every light on
Shivering in the corner
Fear still in my eyes</I>

Road to home with no explanation, and still being followed (BY WHAT?? A WOLF? Please.)

<I>Want to get out (Can't go on this way)
Friends have deceived me
Can't stand things anymore
Looking for a way out</I>

Get out?!? YOU JUST GOT HOME!!!
What friends? What things? ARG!!!

<I>Who can help me?
Is there no other way of life?
Envying the innocence of my youth
My parents’ death so cruel
"What if I died, too?"</i>

Where the fuck did this stanze come from??? It is irrelevant to everything you've written so far.

<I>I finally drift off to sleep
Dreaming of things past
Of the hopes and dreams of my youth</I>

Again, irrelevant.

As a summary, PLEASE USE PROPER ENGLISH. If it seems like I'm yelling, it's because I am! This material HAS NOT been properly edited, no matter what your college English prof states. Remember, contractions and omissions are fine when singing, but NOT when song-writing. Good luck.

[Knight]

Sol:

No offense meant, but I do not think that it is a reasonable assumption that you could accomplish a masterpiece like this without lots of previous experience.

That's a bold statement. You don't know me, my experience nor my writing skills, and you haven't read the whole story.

Pink Floyd is a good prog rock band, and this story is built around prog metal. There is bound to be some similarities in some way with this and PF as we share the same musical background. Even though The Wall hasn't had an influence on my writing as such.

You rave about proper English, but fail to remember (or understand) that songs are sung to a tune (melody) and this melody is built around certain sounds and rhythms in the lyrics. And the text is proper English. Sure, one can discuss the choice of words, but in the end words are chosen to create that rhythm and sound in songs. For this reason most songs (IMO) have awful sentence structures, because they don't really relate to each other. This a problem with writing the lyrics to a finished melody. I wrote this song and the rest as well before any of the music was done, but used the rhythms in my head that would be appropriate for this story.

Here's some info on the album.

This is a story of a man's life. It is told form his POV, and expresses his feelings and experiences subjectively. The first track is an instrumental and is followed by a song that starts the story not from the beginning, but the middle. The beginning to the story comes later when the main character reflects on his life including some hints on what's happened to his parents, for instance. Track 4 continues with the dreams that are mentioned in the end of track 3. This is the first of the reflection songs. Track 5 continues with the story but includes short reflections as does track 7, which is the culmination of the whole story and was written first. Track 6 tries the patience of the main character--hopefully not the listener. :) 8 is another instumental which is followed by a new start to his life in track 9. This also ends the first cd. The second cd only holds two very long songs which are divided into nine tracks. They continue the life of the main character all the way to its end. Total lenght is 129 minutes.

The music plays a big part in the storytelling, and therefore the lyrics doesn't really give the whole picture. The song In the Night is 13 minutes long with a couple of instrumental sections which move the story onwards. Even during the singing the music is used to enhance the storytelling, so it is not just singing to background music like 99 % of today's pop music is. The singing is just one of the instruments that tell the story. The same can be said of the lyrics. The irrelevancies you point out are not so irrelevant when looked at from this point of view. I'll have to admit, though, that you couldn't know any of this, so your criticism is in order. I shouldn't have posted this track, because it shouldn't be removed from its context. Thank you for your input.

[Mike]

Someone say Pink Floyd?! I believe every album they ever made contains a story from beginning to end, not just The Wall, although it's pretty obvious in that one.

And what to reply to all this. Many poems all at once by different people, strong opinions. I'll try to make something out of it all:

I think Sol is rationalizing Knight's song way too much. If every song and every poem in the world were written in pure and proper english (or any language), then there would be a lot less masterpieces around. While proper language often carries the whole thing, it's not so every time. Some poetry even, is written solely between the lines.
On the other hand, writing stuff in english, when your native tongue is different, is much more difficult then most people think. There's a big difference between speaking a language and understanding a language. I think it's almost impossible to truely speak a language unless you've lived it.
One sign that the native language is different is in the choice of words. When trying to make poetry, sometimes a word or phrase is chosen that is really too big for the tone of the whole. In the case of In The Night, I think simple, straight forward words/phrases would fit the contents better and take the song to a higher level.

Nightmares are dreams, but only in the literary meaning. In the past they were thought to be caused by demons of the night which were called, hey!, Nightmares. One example of Sol trying to emphasize properness too much. Nobody in an empty forest may be a bit double, but it does describe the feeling better. Take the whiter shade out of pale and Procol Harum would have nothing left to sing about. Redundancy can be a tool to put things where you want them to be. But in some cases there's better ways to describe things and put them in perspective.
Hehe, and Sol, there's no sound cause the forest is empty? So, if a tree falls, in an empty forest, does it make no sound?

Knight, you did a great thing posting this one track. You did give proper warning that by doing so, it's being lifted from it's context, and I tried to interpret it that way.
You definately have something going.

As to experience for accomplishing a masterpiece, as an (ex?-) writer myself, I know people don't wake up one morning and think "Hey! Let's write something." It's something that's been inside you for as long as you can remember.
The fact that Knight spends years writing nothing but background information proofs that he knows what's needed to get the job done. Many stories have died before birth because the author didn't have a clue about what or why. You won't find Knight in that position. Important rule: Know thy characters, know their backgrounds, their history, everything that made them to what they are. And I think Knight knows....

And nightfairy, I've read that poem about a dozen times, and I like it, lol.

[wendy]

Hmm I liked the rythm of the wording of Knights stuff Sol. And unlike english, poetry is not a predefined language. It is the language of the soul, and thus boundless by definition. But no-one can complain, you made a case for the pernickety side of the soul =)


Anyway here is my own contribution.




The space between us is so far
But I can touch you little star
When I hold my hand just so
In my palm you warmly glow

[Knight]

Mike:

What you say about writing in a different language than your mothertongue is true. Even so, I'd claim that I can write better English than the average English native speaker. I've spent over half of my life studying English as a hobby apart form school; I've used TV, movies, books, computer games, and discussions to get me along. Add to that 9 years of English studies in elementary school and high school plus a couple of college English courses in grammar and writing. I've been reading English literature since I was 12, and haven't really read anything else for years. I've also been writing English for seven years. I even think in English a lot. It's almost like a second mothertongue to me. Curiously enough, I don't have a Finnish accent in English, even though I haven't spent a single day in an English speaking country. My goal is to do an MA in English in the future in the USA or Canada or maybe even Australia. I also speak fluent Swedish (not Finnish-Swedish but the real thing), and can some old Greek as I've studied that for two years now. I even like grammar; it's fun. Well, enough of this now. You now know me somewhat.

Thank you wendy for your comment. BTW, are you the same wendy from Down Under that was in the old wotism.org?

[Mike]

Well, you're obviously a language man :)

And what'ss that about going to the USA?
Are you one of that Knights that say "NY" :D

[Knight]

Mike:

I'm not that fond of the idea of going to the USA, but I guess one can tolerate stupidity for a couple of years. :D
Canada and Australia are leading the race...

[Arawis]

posted by Sol:
Yo, I be waiting for that there dictionaire

grrr.......go to theories and look at 'strange question" :rolleyes:
well, I liked it. i think if you were listening to it, you wouldnt be so picky. things change a whole lot from where your reading them, to where your actually hearing it with your own ears and the feelings can come out better :) o, and there ARE such things as clearings :)

that also seems like it could be a rap song, nothing has to make sense in rap, just add the words bitches and hoes and noone will dispute it :D ........i hate rap

jeezy creezy knight!
how come alot of people in other countries know english, but us lazy americans dont know other languages? (for the most part)

ps: thats a rhetorial question :)

you could come to texas :p HAHAHA as if anyone would want to......... :rolleyes:

[Tayhlon]

Okay, then. Here is a small piece of my character's backstory.
It was a bitter and cold winter day, the kind that drove most people to stay indoors. However, while most people were inside, those who had errands to run or jobs to do were hurrying about their business.
“Now, Te’hlon, remember to be a good boy while I’m gone. Don’t give your father any trouble, okay?” A mother’s face, elegant and serene, gazed down at a young boy of about seven.
“But why are you leaving now, mommy? Didn’t you just get back from that other trip? Don’t you love me and daddy anymore?” The tearful Te’hlon cried.
“Of course I love you both, very much. I promise I won’t be gone long. In fact, here, I’ll let you have my special fish. It will protect you while I’m gone.”
She smiled as handed her son the aforementioned fish. He took the trinket from her, still tearful but trying to be brave, and went to his silent father. They watched, as she left, neither one of them saying a word.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“You can’t take him, I won’t let you!” screamed Te’hlon.
The Aes Sedai who were dutifully preparing his father for transport to the White Tower ignored Te’hlon’s screams. One of the sisters finally stopped for a moment to try to comfort the screaming child.
“Now I’m sure you know why your father has to be taken to the Tower. He simply can’t just run loose. We have to sever his connection to saidin or he’ll go mad,” she explained calmly to the irate child.
She studied him as he fumed, a boy in his eleventh year, with no mother. He had tousled black hair and angry blue eyes. His clothes were messy and ill fitting, but he was in excellent health. At the moment he was clutching a small bag hanging around his neck. It contained a memento from his mother, he’d said. When she’d pressed for details he’d shaken his head and clutched the bag tight to his chest. Now, there was a problem of a different sort to tackle.

[Christy Sedai]

Rand is the Dragon Reborn
He finds his life tatterd and torn

To leave the Two Rivers, the chosen one,
He finds he was never Tam al' Thor's son

A life full of pain, a life full of sorrow
not knowing what horrors he'll have to face tommorow

He followed the warder Lan and Aes Sedai Moiraine
to the Eye of the World where the Green Man is now lain

The Forsaken return, all want to be Nae'Blis
a chance to kill Rand they would not miss

Out of the waste with the Aiel behind him
He is the Car'a'Carn, he will break them; he will bind them

Aviendha, Min, Elayne, which will it be?
Why should he choose when he can have all three?

We know two for sure, his children will bare
Damn! Thats a lot of kids with red hair!

The seals are weakning, Tarmon Gai'don draws near
How will the men learn laughter and tears?


Myrddraal, Forsaken, darkfriends, and trollocs
Bloody buttered onions and sheep swallop!

After cleansing the Source, fighting nausea and pain
I wonder, will he return to the land of the sane

[wendy]

yeah it's me LRK :) *waves* I didn't recongise you until Jacob pointed it out last night in chat *blush*

The WOT poetry here should be put up on the poetry page, its about time it had some new ones.

[Knight]

wendy:

*waves back with a smile*

[Sol]

Hey Knight, is the song on the net? Can it be, in an MP3 format, so I can appreciate it in it's proper format? Thanks.

[Knight]

Sorry Sol. The song's not on the Net. And won't be ever, if I have my say in the matter. You'll have to BUY it like everybody else. Of course, there is a small problem with the buying part as the album hasn't been released yet since the recordings are not yet finished. I expect the album to hit the stores in 2004 at the earliest. I'm still working on the music part of the story and don't know how long this will take, since I got other things going as well. This is a side project I'm doing on my spare time after all. But it's coming along. You'll get your hands on it, eventually.

[nightfairy]

I think its a lovely idea, arch. How do you feel about us all commenting on and / or questioning your story as its written, though? Just so we know. Any boundaries, such as would you prefer any critiques be made via PM?

[LaughingTurtle]

Ah finally a place where we can put up stories. Heh, i've had one in the making for quite some time (first few chatpers have already been churned out) and was going to give them to mike or jacob but there was never a place to put it. But now there is. :D

I will soon just like archely and Te'hlon, put up little by little one of my stories: Honor Bound

Hope you enjoy!

[gene aes sedai]

If critique is the order of the day, then I am prepared for the worst. For your considerations:

PAPER MIRROR

I see my words quiet on printed page,
Wisened and mellowed with increased age.
Memories invade the darkness in me.
My eyes are forced open; I'm forced to see.

Forced to see pain that dragged me down;
Forced visions of lost, of that which was found.
Most haunting of all that I'm bound to see
Is the vision of truth; the vision of ME.

I see the spirits that dance and whirl.
I see the woman, the babe and the girl.
I see the moments with sanity frail.
I see the times I've watched my love fail.

So in agony from these memories of mine,
I turn to pen, to prose one more time.
Later, once more, quiet words on a page;
Words that will wisen and mellow with age.

[Knight]

Nice poem gene aes sedai. The rhythm and atmosphere remind me of some of my own poems.

[Arawis]

i like it :)

[nightfairy]

Its incredibly lovely. Color me impressed!

[gene aes sedai]

Thank you all.